Fear of people.
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Fear of people.
I am working on my fear of people
I tend to be afraid of people. For one thing, I can’t seem to trust much yet. I’m also afraid to talk. I don’t know what to say & I think I’ll make a fool of myself. Mostly, I’m afraid that they won’t like me. It’s hard for me to make friends, hard to feel safe, hard to relax. And easy to feel alone.
But with the help I am getting for my emotional problems—and my drinking—I feel better. I am learning that I am a worthwhile & likeable person & that I’m not as different as I thought I was. The best part is that I am not alone: I’m meeting others who feel as I do & are working a program of change.
I will practice smiling at myself in the mirror & saying “Hi!�
Today I will do one thing.
I tend to be afraid of people. For one thing, I can’t seem to trust much yet. I’m also afraid to talk. I don’t know what to say & I think I’ll make a fool of myself. Mostly, I’m afraid that they won’t like me. It’s hard for me to make friends, hard to feel safe, hard to relax. And easy to feel alone.
But with the help I am getting for my emotional problems—and my drinking—I feel better. I am learning that I am a worthwhile & likeable person & that I’m not as different as I thought I was. The best part is that I am not alone: I’m meeting others who feel as I do & are working a program of change.
I will practice smiling at myself in the mirror & saying “Hi!�
Today I will do one thing.
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I Feel ya!!
I have this anger/antisocial/rude/obnoxciou/loud/depressed issue(s) that I keep close to me so that I can keep people far, far away from me for fear of mostly, being hurt but also of hurting others. I guess that is why I do better with animals. Hang in there cuz' it has been my experience that as I get better & healthier so does the infamous "it"!! Thanks for sharing & thanks for my sobriety!! 
OH SH!T
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: RICHMOND,VIRGINIA-
Posts: 1,655
I HAVE SIMILAR ISSUES,I DON'T LET TO MANY PEOPLE GET CLOSE TO ME,I THINK THEY WOULDN'T LIKE ME IF THEY TRUELY KNEW ME.I THINK TRUST HAS ALOT DO DO WITH IT ALSO.I DON'T TRUST MYSELF TO GOOD YET,BUT I'M WORKING HARD AT IT!THANK'S DOUG. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: a spiritual vortex, Colorado
Posts: 844
i was the one in rehab who wore the sign: "hug me and you will die motherf***er"
in my subculture, this attitude was a coping mechanism that on some levels had served me well...i was still alive. As i slowly learned to trust some of the people i met in recovery, i also learned to trust that i was ok, that many people 'out there' in the mainstream were not out to get me, and that most suprising of all, god wasn't out to get me either.
but the real eye opener came to me 3 summers ago. I was going to meet my son, age 13 then, at a modest county fair up in the rockies. I had a brand new ride and had been on the road for a few days- [actually making amends to my brother but thats another story] So i came riding into this small town, all leather clad and jackbooted and full of old attitude- out of my way or else! stomped around for a good half hour like this and then something happened- some internal alarm/message/inspiration/godspeak happened and i suddenly came to a realization : "who in their right mind, would want to get close to you- mr big n bad?" Pulled off the leather, softened my heart, retracted the 'quills' and i $hit you not, 30 seconds later: "heh dad, where you been? i've been lookin for ya"
Since then i subscribe to the notion- 'you get what you project' and altho i still have a lot of first response mechanisms that call up mr big n bad , i know which projection really pays the dividends....and you folk are right on- it is always about FEAR!
big hugs, goofy grin, love at ya
mackat
in my subculture, this attitude was a coping mechanism that on some levels had served me well...i was still alive. As i slowly learned to trust some of the people i met in recovery, i also learned to trust that i was ok, that many people 'out there' in the mainstream were not out to get me, and that most suprising of all, god wasn't out to get me either.
but the real eye opener came to me 3 summers ago. I was going to meet my son, age 13 then, at a modest county fair up in the rockies. I had a brand new ride and had been on the road for a few days- [actually making amends to my brother but thats another story] So i came riding into this small town, all leather clad and jackbooted and full of old attitude- out of my way or else! stomped around for a good half hour like this and then something happened- some internal alarm/message/inspiration/godspeak happened and i suddenly came to a realization : "who in their right mind, would want to get close to you- mr big n bad?" Pulled off the leather, softened my heart, retracted the 'quills' and i $hit you not, 30 seconds later: "heh dad, where you been? i've been lookin for ya"
Since then i subscribe to the notion- 'you get what you project' and altho i still have a lot of first response mechanisms that call up mr big n bad , i know which projection really pays the dividends....and you folk are right on- it is always about FEAR!
big hugs, goofy grin, love at ya
mackat
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: toronto, ontario, canada
Posts: 224
I love people and especially get alot of pleasure out of helping others but I have a selfish streak and a pride issue that robs others of getting any pleasure from doing the same for me. My sponsor pointed it out to me and it is something I struggle with. I won't let others near me when I'm in need or don't let them know mostly because I'm afraid of being too needy. Some of my family of origin members are way too needyand they drain the life out of other people. I don't want to be like that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 689
Yes, I can definately relate. Basically everyone besides the people I'm used to seeing (ie wife, co-workers) cause me to get very anxious. I am so obsessed with how others will think of me, that I would rather be alone, then take the risk of dealing with someone. Needless to say I have few close friends. I just feel so much safer being alone, I hate to use the phone, for fear of the uncomfortable silence. I hate having people over for fear that they may not like my house, or I may not live up to their expectations as a host. Don't know if it is social phobia I have, or OCD or what. But I do know it is a struggle to live this way.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: a spiritual vortex, Colorado
Posts: 844
yep marty
i wasted much valuable time comparing my insides with your outsides. The rooms of NA/AA taught me that we are all human- seems trite, but i had to see that you too were scared and in pain and relapsed and felt hopeless and had childhood scars and old demons and sometimes just pulled the covers over your head and said " f**k it, not today".
and then i heard that working those step thingys had helped you "discover, uncover, discard"
so i tried doing that
works for me
mackat
i wasted much valuable time comparing my insides with your outsides. The rooms of NA/AA taught me that we are all human- seems trite, but i had to see that you too were scared and in pain and relapsed and felt hopeless and had childhood scars and old demons and sometimes just pulled the covers over your head and said " f**k it, not today".
and then i heard that working those step thingys had helped you "discover, uncover, discard"
so i tried doing that
works for me
mackat
Vision of Hope
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Living on This side of the green!!
Posts: 1,057
I have found my self feeling having the trust issue with others myself. Weather you call it fear or projection, its in there. It for me stems to fall on me. this is my way of thinking, that I will let others down, or my expectations are set to high, so my demands are never met. Letting go is a very hard thing to do. writting down my fears, anxieties, and emotions of how I feel when I experience such difficulties has been an asset to my recovery. I too am not the smallest of dudes and have a somewhat loud personality when I enter a setting,(my wife says I look like Charlie Manson), so that facter sets in of being inferior to what people think of me, usually in the end, I get along with most everyone, and its in my head. It is amazing how the mind works when we let the old ways run our lives.
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
me too
Lately I find myself just wanting to shut people out and not talk to anyone. When I have my crying sessions I really want to talk to someone about how sad I am but I dont want to be a burden to people and I dont feel like anyone on the planet understands why I am in so much pain. There has just been so many times when people make promises to me and do not come through for me or so many times when people just don't know what to say when I am sad. These days I find myself withdrawing from many people. I dont trust anyone really. I have no expectations for anyone. And I meet new people and I am very pleasant to them but seldom do I let them in and trust them. I strongly identify with what many have already posted.
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