spending addiction
 

Does anyone have that? I read a lot of the posts and most of it is related to drugs and alcohol. My problem is messing me up just the same as if I would be drinking, doing drugs, smoking, whatever.... addiction is addiction is addiction. I'm not is such hot water that I'm going to be arrested for writing bad checks but I am making myself extremely miserable. When I do what I do, I feel good for a day or two, then think about what I've done and how am I going to fix it and I just get in deeper. Before the divorce, both of us were horrible money managers and since the divorce I ended up going through bankruptcy. I do very well at hiding my problem. Up until recently, I have always worked two jobs. I have come to the conclusion I could work three jobs and still be in the same boat. I have to change my attitude or something. This problem is sucking the joy right out of my life. :banghead:

mellow

Hey mellow,
I have a shopping/spending addiction. Just another way to avoid the emotions I don't want to deal with. I caught myself yesterday for the first time BEFORE I acted on the impulse. There has been a lot going on emotionally for me. I just completed my fourth step. Mom got mad at me on mother's day because I won't rescue her. So driving home from work, I was day dreaming about buying stuff I wanted, then I was planning to buy it (cause I would feel so good). Then I thought about how I would feel when the good wore off and I had spent the money. Then I asked why I needed to spend money to feel good. This part is new, because I usually act impulsively. I'm not sure why I was able to see it before it happened, but maybe it was because I have been working the steps. I hope this is the beginning of a new direction for some of my character defects. Good luck. I hope this helps. Hugs, Magic

Magichappens,
Thanks. Before the divorce we could always move things around because we had a paycheck coming in every week. Now it's only mine. I'm not an extravagent spender. I found a purse for $7, normal price was $50. I let it go and then turned around and spent $60 on a young girl whose mother abandoned her while the girl is in drug rehab. Mom left her with no shoes, not clothes, nothing. I couldn't afford it but I couldn't stand to see her without anything either. I spent a good $30 for gas to go to the town where the drug rehab center is to visit her. Now I'm sitting here wondering how am I going to get money back in the bank before everything comes through and the overdrafts hit. grrrrrrrr

mellow

((mellow))
It's great to help someone else. We just moved an AA friend in with us for a month to get on his feet. Just remember to take care of you. You need to take care of you before you can take care of others. I say you, but I am saying it for me too. We aren't the best at keeping the priorities straight are we? Live and learn. Hugs, Magic

******{mellow}}}}

Money can be a real drug - whether in the form of spending, debting, underearning or a nasty combination of the three. There is a 12 step fellowship focused on money issues; I own a seat there myself (underearning, credit card debt and we just won't talk about the tax problems) and I think that you've got a pre-paid (pun intended) seat waiting for you.

If you're interested, here's some contact info:

http://www.debtorsanonymous.org
http://www.solvency.org
http://health.groups.*****.com/group/spendersda/

I can't begin to guess whether you will be able to find an f2f DA meeting at "not in Kansas", but the program does have a real on-line presence via the ***** group and on-line chat meetings. You are not alone in this.

James

There is a Goodwill store near me that has clothes for $1.29 a pound. It is all thrown together on tables and you have to dig for what you want. I call it therapy. When I feel very stressed I go and dig for a while. I hardly ever spend more than $10 and you would not believe some of the real bargins I have found there. Last winter I found a fox and an ermine jacket beautiful and very warm I did have to sew up some seams in the liner and pockets. I have found beautiful table cloths and curtains too. Sometimes I don't see anything I want and I don't spend anything.
But, you couldn't catch me spending my hard earned money on going mad at the high dollar mall. I am very thrifty always.
But I am a lot less stressed

Hi Mellow,

You've found a good place here at SR. An addiction is an addiction and hopefully you can find some support and understanding here.

You might also check out the Women In Recovery forum on this board.

Love, Anna

Magichappens....
No, I really suck at keeping priorities straight. Somehow and somewhere along the line, I didn't learn that taking care of myself was very important. I am aware of it now and at least try but my sense of "I have to do something to help" gets the better of me at times. Just to let you know how messed up I can make things. A friend's father passed away. They had no money to go down there. I had money saved for a vacation. I bought them one-way airline tickets as they were going to drive a vehicle back. I also gave them $500 cash for traveling expenses on the way back. At the last minute she refused to get on the plane. Tickets were wasted and I didn't get the $500 back either. I still went on vacation, I just didn't get to do as much as I wanted to. Here's another good one. A while back, I bought a baby crib for a couple because I was afraid the baby was going to be hurt lying on the floor or in the same bed with them. I seem to befriend people who have way less than I do and they in turn feed off of me. I'm not blaming them, it's my fault, I'm addicted to the feeling that I am doing something to help and it makes me feel good about myself. I have to find a different way or I will end up in a tent. I have no idea if people actually appreciate my efforts or if they look at me and say "sucker." I tend to gravitate toward people who will not repay me, for whatever reason, because I do not receive as well as I give and I know therein lies a problem. However.......... the main thing here is that I realize there is a problem and I want to fix it and I will find a way to do that. Thanks everyone for the insight and websites, I will use them.

Mellow

Hey there,

You know for me giving , not expecting anything back brings so much joy,Mellow I hope things will improve for you and I hope you keep posting.

I am dating a recovering alcoholic, with 11 yrs., but I see he spends and spends and doesnt want to work. He is so great in many ways, I hate to let go. My mind says I should walk, and another part wants stay. Ive been in Al-anon along and know I cant change another person, but in reading about spending addiction, I wonder if he could get help. This is an addiction not really talked about very much, but what he does is SO insane to me, it's like dealing with active alcoholism. It is an illness, cuz it's so irrational. Any ideas here would be appreciated.

I really didnt want to admit this, but I was doing this 10 yrs ago. I would shop all the time and spend money. I would buy clothes I never wore, things I didnt need. Now when I look back, I know it was because I was bored, I could afford it, needed to fill that empty hole. I think for me, it was an addiction of having things. I grew up in a poor home with only the bare essentials around. When I had children it was like I had to give to them.
At most, it was a quick fix. I do think it is pretty much the same as alcohol and drugs. Its the rush of having something. The belonging to me. Maybe Im crazy but my father was ill whilst I was growing up, mother worked all the time to make ends meet. I wasnt close to them, so I think it is connected somehow.
Now, unbelievably, I only buy things that I truly need. I eventually found contentment in myself. I didnt need things to make me feel better. Only me now.

I did it for a while...lets see..a have an r/c heli just sitting catching dust.
I had to have it..over a grand.
mmm..that's not even the tip, tip of the ice burge.
While, it wasn't as bad as drinking and using, for me. By acknowleging it was the first
step. I didn't stop doing it over night, but the rush became less and less.

Most alcoholics/addicts has obsessive, complusive, personality disorders...
We substitute..until we get into the nitty gritty of working our recovery or
steps.

These are just symptoms of our deeper problems.

Try listening to Dave Ramsey. He has a syndicated talk radio show. If he's not on locally, can listen to the show online at your convenience.