bigsombrero

hola,

I've posted about this before, I have a friend who was in my treatment center with me 9 months ago. We kept our contact info and every once in a while we'd call each other to give each other encouragement.

I just got off the phone with him and once again he was drunk. This was the 2nd time this has happened and I posted about that too. I was very firm with him, but tried to at least give him helpful words. He was crying, bawling, sobbing, asking me how I stopped. He was so ashamed of himself, just terrible stuff. He kept on saying how great of a guy I was, blubbering the whole time. I told him that does neither of us any good until he's sober...but not sure he heard me, he was all over the place. I said goodbye as he was becoming quite tiresome.

I am here working hard on my own crap and I don't have time for this. But I truly know I'm the only link to reality this guy has left. I told him to think about going back to treatment. Or AA. I said if he can't drag his ass to an AA meeting then he might as well just call and check into the hospital.

Anyway, I am just gonna be done with this guy. He WAS a very very cool person while in the treatment center - he was sober! I kept his number for a reason, he was cool. So I do feel kind of bad about it....we're facebook friends...should I just block him? He was sobbing on the phone to me about his ex-girlfriend blocking him...maybe she is in AlAnon and they told her to just get rid of this guy...

I dunno, just musing. If anyone has thoughts on being in early recovery and trying to help others please let me know. I know I need to run from any more contact with this guy...I just wanna know how fast I should go.

Dee74

We can't save anyone else Big S...it's a bald truth but an honest one.

The best we can do is point the way.

sounds to me like you've done all you feel you can.

Anytime you start thinking you're anyone's last hope or anything like that it's probably time to let go, I think.

There's a million avenues for help - sounds like you've thrown a few at this guy.

You've given this guy the tools...he'll either realise that he needs to get building himself...or he'll find another kind hearted soul to cry to.

D

LadyinBC

Don't let him take priority over your recovery. Your sobriety and you, come first.

At the end of the day he can only help himself, he needs to crap or get off the pot!

SparklingSeven

I think its good to help. People helped us.

But you do what you can - and it seems like you've done that.

YOU SHOULD NEVER LET SOMEONE ELSE JEOPARDIZE YOUR OWN SOBRIETY.

Its quite simple. If you've had enough, you've had enough.

TRY not to feel bad about it.

Stu.

bigsombrero

Thanks guys.

I guess I don't really help others very much in terms of "service", since I don't go to AA regularly. This old buddy from treatment has been my one point of outreach. So helping him has made me feel like I'm doing something for the alcoholism community.

But I can't help him when he's wasted. He confessed last night that he's been wasted when talking with other friends from our group, but he has lied to them on the phone and told them he's fine. I am the one person he can be truthful with. Or...so he says.

Luckily I always lurk in the F&F section here, which has shown me how to deal with alcoholics from a sober perspective. From what I gather, since I don't have much invested in this guy (if he continues to relapse it won't hurt my family situation etc) - then I should just set a boundary and if he crosses it then it's NO CONTACT or whatever.

Anyway thanks for letting me get this off my chest - glad I could have some folks respond, you are very kind. Thank you!

Dave H

Yea, I agree with the others. There are those who do not take their sobriety seriously. We do not owe them anything. We cannot let those people drag us down. I will say do not have contact with him anymore.

bigsombrero

Thanks Dave. When a 2-time National Pro Arm Wrestling Champ gives you advice, it's probably best to listen...haha. Actually I've seen you post here quite a bit, and I'm always interested in hearing more about your armwrestling. Perhaps for another thread. All the best and thank you.

DG0409

You help plenty of people on SR when you post here. Just because it's not face-to-face doesn't mean that it's not reaching out or doing a service to the community.