Alraihani

Reading what i wrote months ago inspires me and depresses me at the same time. Since i relapsed it's been hard to start clean longer than four or five days in a row

Dee74

what are you using for support Alrahani?

D

shil2587

So sorry to read of your pain. something that stood out to me from your question was the sense that this was someone who was standing amazed at the fact that others can succeed and perhaps didn't quite believe he himself could. Maybe it's like others have said here, hope. Believing that not only can you do it and that this time is it, the start of the rest of your life, but also that you dessert it. Your post was so thoughtful and really made of think. You have helped others on here. You deserve to win, and I believe you will. As churchill said "keep buggering on".

grtgrandpa

Pain took me to AA and I found people just like me, and their love kept me there with no slips for the next 27 years.

Oliviaeveryday

[QUOTE=deeker;3888212]Sometimes I think it has to do with Pride. I was raised with some crazy ideas that made me believe I was strong and could do anything.


I agree!

Deckard

Yesterday I was running an errand at about 2 PM, just stopping by a Walgreens to pick up a birthday card. I was impressed by the number of cars in the parking lot, and thought to myself it was unusually busy for a weekday afternoon at a pharmacy/convenience store.

When I walked in I realized why. This particular store had a little liquor store section partially separated from the main store. And it was PACKED in there. There were about a dozen people in line, clutching cases of beer and handles of booze.

It was clear that the majority of these customers were in the grip of alcohol addiction, loading up on large amounts in the middle of the day or on the way home early from work. Many looked unhappy, defeated, tired.

And I thought of this thread: "Why am I clean and sober and they are not."

I felt helpless and afraid for them. I felt guilty. I felt that I wanted to go over and try to help them -- maybe even tell them about SR! (You can imagine how that would have gone over...)

Mostly, I felt sad. I walked out of the store with my birthday card and with greater resolve, but I felt very acutely the sheer enormity and tragedy that we are devoting ourselves to escaping.