Dave H

Since I have been in recovery I have seen a more than a few relapse. And almost 100% of the time the flags leading up to it are the same. Either it's "people" (user/drinking friends), "places" (hangouts, homes, ect..) or "things" (activites, functions) that the person in recovery does not want to give up.

For reasons unknown to me some do not want to avoid the most dangerous triggers. Some feel that they can become strong enough to continue to be around "people, places and things" that were a huge part of their addiction and still remain clean and/or sober. And I think really, deep down, these people know this, but because of the addiction they are actually finding reasons to continue to "flirt" with the addiction. And sooner or later it's going to bit them in the a$$.

We need to make a clean break! And through meetings we meet new "people", through new people we discover new "places" to hangout. Safe places. And through new people and new places we find new "things", activites, to become involved in.

I attend 4 meetings a week and I have seen a few men and women in all of these groups relapse. And almost everytime it's the one's who continue to believe they can hang on to the old "People, Places & Things", and at the same time walk away from the addiction. I don't think so. To walk away from the addiction I think we must also walk away from the old "People, Places & Things" and find new "People, Places & Things".

Just saying...

KLM

For my addict H it's totally people places and things. Mostly people though. He has a hard time distancing himself from those old "friends"

bigsombrero

I very much agree Dave. During early recovery, I think it's natural to hope for things to "return to normal" - but something told me that would be impossible. It's pretty much gotta be a clean slate, especially socially. Tomorrow is St. Patty's here in Chicago, and all of my friends are getting together to drink then go to the pubs. For me to think I could actually go with them is crazy. It could only do damage.

The drawback of course is that it's not always easy to make a whole bunch of new friends when you're 38 and single.

Eddiebuckle

Delusion: a persistent false belief that is maintained despite indisputable evidence to the contrary.

There are no degrees of alcoholism, only degrees of delusion. Some of us are willing to put up with an incredible amount of indisputable evidence before we surrender to the reality of our disease. Others take their delusion to the grave.

Gottalife

I'm assuming the OP refers to AA meetings so let's have a look at it form an AA point of view. First we learn we are powerless over alcohol - we have lost the power of choice in drink. The solution, we are told, is a power greater than ourselves who will solve this problem for us. In addition we are told that this power is capable of solving ALL our problems.

The steps are the method for getting connected to the power. While we have no choice in drink, we do have a choice on whether to do the work or not. No work, no power, obsession returns - convenient excuse- people, places and things.

For a short time in early recovery I made trips back to the old way of life, mainly because I knew no other. I knew this was risky but had never been able to take good advice. But I was doing the work and the power kept me safe.

I quickly learned, in other respects, that the power would help me in all areas. I was NOT powerless over people places and things. The power enabled me to set boundaries, like no drunks in my house, it enabled me to move out of dodgy living conditions, it enabled me to change jobs. In fact I was empowered to make many changes. The power also kept me safe when things went wrong, like when I lost my job, or later lost my wife. I was given the power to handle these things also - without any thought of drinking.

I had no power of choice in drink, but I did have a choice in whether or not to do the work.

Whether those relapsers chose not to do the work depends on whether or not they were given the right information in the first place.

deeker

Excellent! Thanks!

Lovey02

Yes Dave i agree, we have to change everything, people, places and things. Its starting a new life and learning how to live differently because what we had been doing simply was not working. So its insanity to continue that path and thinking somehow, someway the results will be different. It doesnt mean u cant stay friends with past friends but its best not to go slippery places and expect not to slip, Ive learned, been there, done it. A friend of mine calls it mental gymnastics and i love that metaphor cause my mind, being the alcholic/addict that i am is so cunning baffling and powerful can so easily try to forget the horridity of this disease and remember the GOOD feeling as so the mental gymnastics begin. Its best to find new ways to have fun and new friends to support u in recovery until u have a strong foudation and sober time. Keep friends that jeopardize ur recovery maybe a facebook friend or something do go to slippery places and expect not to slip, I tell myself this daily...

BEAUTIFULIFE

okay....well, you say people?...what about my boyfriend who I drank with since we met....I told him a little about my drinking at first, but said I had it under control...(things have changed with me)...he is supportive towards me stopping etc. but we drank every weekend together since we met and I associate him with my drinking....

Dave H

Beautifulife, My posts are for serious alcoholics who are in RECOVERY. If you are drinking twice a week with with your boyfriend, then you are NOT in recovery.

I am a RECOVERING alcoholic who KNOWS that I CANNOT drink AT ALL. It would ruin my life and maybe kill me. And those of us who seriously suffer from the addiction are all in that boat. These are the people I post for.

And yes, we need to kick ALL "people, places & things" to the curb who are not on board with our sobriety. Not even my wife, my son, nobody is more important to me than my sobriety.

If you don't fall into this catogory and you can drink with your boyfriend twice a week, just ignore my posts.

Good luck to you.

LadyinBC

I know that I have to avoid these triggers. If I don't I know I will go back to drinking. I don't go to pubs, bars or parties. Maybe someday I can, but I am not going to even try that now. Why set myself up? And yeah, it does bother me to sit there watching other people drink, knowing I can't. And yes it pisses me off and yes it makes me want to have one. I don't have to put myself thru that.

I had to change a lot of things in my life. My job, where I lived, how I did things and my thinking. It's very hard to do, but I don't have to prove anything anymore to anyone. I can't control everything and trying to control my drinking is just crazy. I'll never beable to and once I surrendered to that it made it a whole lot easier.

Dave H

Ditto on all of that. I'm with you!