Eddie2010

I was reading a book by Jeff Herten and he made the comment that it isn't just sobriety that alcoholics need, but also achieving contentment in one's life. He said that without feeling contented, the person is basically just a "dry alcoholic" with all the same issues as when they were drinking. I thought that was interesting.

LadyinBC

I have found for me that not only did I have to quit drinking, but I had to work on me. I had to change the way I think and how I did things. Without doing that I wouldn't have been able to stay sober. I'm always working on myself and my sobriety. I've been 6 months sober and I have a peace that I never had when I drank.

MadameX

It's true, being Content and getting things in order is exactly what Im working on right now. There is no other choice because even though Ive stopped drinking my problems are still there. If I dont deal with them I will eventually get depressed and discouraged and end up turning to drinking again.

nonblondechef

I find myself actually engaging in small talk and laughing and being "present" now that I am sober. I am not hiding. It still kind of shocks me when I realize that it is not a difficult thing to do, as odd as that may sound. I spent the last several years being invisible. I don't do that any longer. Sobriety = shamelessness. And I like it!

FBL

I'm not a big believer in the whole "dry drunk" or "dry alcoholic" concept. Sometimes it makes it sound like drinking isn't the problem and I think that may discourage some people from getting sober. I know plenty of unhappy people who've never touched a drop of alcohol in their lives, are they really "dry drunks" too??? (incredibly, I know some who actually believe that to be the case). IMO, some people are just a-holes, period. As for myself, it was the constant drinking that made me miserable to be around. Since I've sobered up, I'm back to the happy, upbeat person that was always there, it was just drowning in the alcohol.

paul99

I respectfully disagree. Drinking isn't the problem - it's the solution. And a poor one at that. If things were going so well for me, I wouldn't have to had seek solace in a bottle. Yes, there are people that are disagreeable and have some issues, and they may not touch a drop. But I can almost guarantee that in their way, they seek a way outside of themselves. Gambling, sex, porn, eating, working, etc. There are many big and small ways to avoid ourselves. Alcohol is only one a slew of ways that we get out of our own existence, because that existence is painful.

I do agree that drinking makes things worse. But when I stopped drinking, I had to learn to find my true self, because I couldn't survive being the person I was before...it wasn't me, and it was unhealthy.

gaffo

Becoming sober allowed me to find contentment.

tehmazzyland

Hmmm - this is a tricky one. I was pretty unhappy before I drank, then when I was drinking it was like a different plane of existence way beyond unhappy. Like a living, existential hell. Then when I stopped drinking the seriously hellish mind-state stuck around for a while, but I lived it sober. And then got through it - which I'd never have been able to do if I was drinking. The drinking fuelled it.

And now I'm back to 'normal' unhappy. Which I'll take as a way better alternative than the brutal, brutal living hell of drinking.

I think the point I'm making (or failing to make) is that there's actually a level of unhappiness which isn't in itself 'abnormal'. Sure we'd all like to be happy, but it's not necessarily possible for everyone given the varied circumstances life will throw us. Some people will be happy, hopefully most. But some people, without any reference to drinking or addiction or abnormal behaviours, will not be very happy.

And then there's the real bad stuff. Which is where the 'feel so bad you crave oblivion / want to destroy yourself' bit comes in. At least, that's how I see it.

catmilkyo

this is interesting. it points to addiction being about more than just the substance, which is something that agrees with my experience. to me, it has been about a relationship i have with the world which is based on distancing myself from everything uncomfortable.

i have noticed some slight improvements from the work i've done on myself in recovery: like nonblondchef, i've also found myself actually engaging in small talk with others. i don't isolate nearly as much. i'm still not where i'd like to be, but i can notice an improvement in my ease with others.

but my food and relationship troubles come up, and i still battle them. this is where i see the whole "dry alcoholic" thing. it was never really about the alcohol itself - though that doesn't mean i think i can ever drink or use drugs. in this sense i see it the way paul99 does - alcohol was the solution, not the problem. i think it was about how i interacted with the world. i am still working on changing that and feeling more secure and at home with my experiences and feelings. i definitely notice how the addiction manifests in other areas when i'm not working on staying present.