Bubovski

After 53 days alcohol free I relapsed quite badly.

As we often do I started thinking.....hey why not moderation every second day?

Back on a small benzo dose, my mood was somewhat elevated after a 50 day break, and I embarked on "an experiment", all in the name of science (lol)'
I would start drinking beer at 10am, very slowly till lunch time, go for a massage, have lunch and return home.

Needless to say it was back at the pub,P.M to slowly quaff a further 5 pots, till round 5, before returning home, with a bottle of wine.....total for day round 14.

Next day my pulse was 110, usually 60, my B.P.up, and feeling very low. Why DID I INFLICT THIS UPON MYSELF?

I do not feel guilty, simply idiotic!. How can a planned sanity just disappear in a moment. Am I perhaps a psychopath?

Anyhow its back to day 2 and yet another re vamp of my thinking and activities.
Thanks to Sober Recovery, a very good program, but I now feel I need to personally get my act together and show a bit of real fortitude.

Hevyn

Murchovski, You aren't alone in performing that experiment. I did it many times over the years, always with the same outcome. The last time, I finally got it. I can't touch the stuff.

Maybe this will be the last time you'll go down that road. Let's try this again. We KNOW you can do it.

fini

How can a planned sanity just disappear in a moment.

yes, good question, that one. well worth sitting with.
might make you wonder what would be beneficial to add to the sanity plan.

Bubovski

Thanks Hevyn.
Its amazing, after having the strongest well thought out, rational convictions, how in one moment it can all be cast to the wind. I need to work harder and be even more vigilant.
May join A.A.

Day 2 nil alcohol

Hevyn

I like that idea, Murchovski. It might be just the thing at this time. Never give up, never. The new life you're hoping for is attainable.

Bubovski

Yep , a special alcohol defence diary to be compiled morning, noon and night is another idea I have just come up with. Where there's a will there has to be a way..........

Nil alcohol 2 days

Dee74

I think all of us have 'experiment' stories.

I know I could have rationalised for the Olympics....when all else failed I'd keep using my various ailments as a reason for why I 'had to' drink..

I'm glad you're back Murchovski

D

TheEnd

Beer at 10 am????? This plan was failed attempt before it started. Non-alcoholics don't start drinking this early.

Bubovski

Hi TE.
My new ploy is an anti booze diary, filled in breakfast/lunch/tea, I am finding great quotes from this forum .

Alcohol free day 3

Quinne

Hey Murchovski,

I'm a fellow Melbournite and am tickled pink by the frequency and variety of AA meetings this city has to offer!

If you're interested, AATimes - Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings and Events in Victoria, Australia has an up-to-date meetings list you can search by day of the week or location

Xx

Bubovski

Thanks Quinne.
I plan to organize a group very soon.
WEnt to the one at St Francis for a while once; I think it is closed now.