fightingforus

I'm married to a RAW. She has admitted to her alcoholism just over 4 years ago and has now been sober for 5 months after 3 relapses. She verbalized that she has been done with our marriage for two years but wanted to be sober before telling me 4 days ago. I wanted her to be sober so we could begin working on our damaged relationship. Her sponsor and support group through AA are telling her to make no big decisions in the first year. Please provide me some insight on what is going through the head of recent recovery? How can somone who is using make a life changing decision, confirm it when their sober, and despite what their support group is offering go against their advice. It's almost seems like its the same if she had another drink despite all of her AA group telling her NO! Anyone with thoughts please share...

secondwind

Early recovery is a very difficult time for all involved.

You are correct a suggestion is no big decisions in the first year.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Sometimes the guilt a RA feels fromm the wrongs they have done to others is so strong they want to leave.

All you can be is understanding... and do some insight work to see if there is anything you need to work on.

Carrie

The Belle Of The Ball

tomsteve

there is a chapter in the big book titled 'the family afterwards." you may benefit from reading it, and maybe even the 1st 164 pages.

what was goin through my head in early recovery?
"im screwed up and gotta lotta work to do to fix me."
the program has saved many marraiges and made them stronger that would have otherwise been thrown out if done so in the 1st year.

youbetcha

Maybe check out an Alanon meeting.

Amy2011

I was unhappy in my marriage before I got sober and after too. I definitely wanted a divorce after I got sober, but stayed for my kids. I was so tired and recovery was so much work I just didn't have the energy to fix the marriage. Fixing my relationship with my kids was more important to me than my marriage. Plus my husband was so angry with me and he wanted instant happiness. He wanted me like it was in the beginning, but that girl was long gone. I am glad I stayed now almost 2 years later. We still have issues, but things are better and it works for now. I am happier and the kids are happier. I think he is happier too. I get how your wife feels. For me early recovery was draining and left me feeling like I had nothing left to give.

Xune

I was the drunk and damn near lost my wife. We are working through this and yes it is hard work.

Giving up is the path of least resistance, but that is not the path we've chosen.

Sorry to hear this.

Db1105

The no major decision thing is a SUGGESTION only. Of course some people have to make some major changes in early recovery. They should only be made with a great deal of thought, prayer, and whatever guidance they are using. Spontaneous major changes usually just brings about more grief.

That said, I second Youbetcha's suggestion to try Al Anon.

BadCompany

Sounds like you are using AA to manipulate your wife into doing what you want her to do. Just my thought.

twoleaf

I Use My Sponser In Matters Such As This To Have Another Person Objective Is Priceless