Dee74

welcome to SR sepvac

D

twestlie

bbthumper,

I liked your post. A lot. Thank you.

RobbyRobot

Hi sepvac, and welcome to SR.

Um, I gotta say, I really don't agree with, in bold above, what your friend said to you, and here's why:

Speaking for myself, when I was still a child, I was hurt and abused in ways that left me with anger and resentments. These hurts were absolutely not a result of my failed attempts to control other people, places, and things. Okay?

I was a drinker by age 12. A complete chronic hopeless alcoholic by 15. I sobered up at 24, and I've been sober 31 years. Although I've changed myself several times over since my childhood, these kind of hurts and resentments often last as scars across a lifetime, and although I've changed, the facts of my past have not.

I understand you're likely generalizing to make your points. Still though, as a drunk drunk, I used to blindly believe what your friend is saying about being hurt and angry -- and those arrogant and ignorant beliefs just kept me as the drunken victim. As if I was responsible for me becoming hurt and angry from experiencing abuse directed at me from others?! When others abuse others, its never ever the victims fault. Never. Ever. Did I say never?

So. Any ways.

Just wanted to say that an "at fault mentality" may often seem like a working approach for taking on responsibility, but I'm saying it doesn't work well for those who were truly abused and victimised by others. FWIW, I don't think "at fault mentality" is useful for anybody, really, but I only have real life experience of it not working for those who, like me, have been abused.

As for people "God playing" and doing a lousy job of it, that is just more of the same rhetoric, imo. Just more gritty bits to swallow down with the thin gruel being served as a pretense of proper nourishment. Accusing others of "God playing" is a switch-n-bait trick, imo.

To become the real me that I am today, required me to master control, not reliquish it, or other wise give it up. Having said that, I do believe in the act of surrender, to my HP of my own understanding. I'm nonetheless still in control, still in charge, still walking to the undeniable rhythm of my own drumbeat. In my surrender is created spiritual food for my life. It is clear to me that my surrender does not include me giving up control.

Sorry this comes on the heels of your first post, but I hope you can see I'm not against you for saying what your saying. I'm against the resultant understanding that is being offered, that the workable way into AA works best following the instructions being offered by what your saying.

I've been sober with AA for more than 30 years, and what your saying has never been my experience in AA.

I hope you appreciate in a public forum whenever we post, we are likely to attract posts which have people sharing their own experiences too.

Be well, Bill.

onlythetruth

Thank you, Rob. Thank you.

soberlicious

Agreed. Thank you Robby.

Natom

My opinion with AA and NA is that they are lifelong programs. I feel so much more 'real' since I found the rooms. I take the steps slowly and thoroughly and I do what is suggested. And since I started doing that my life has got a lot better. I don't understand why you did all 12 steps in 90 days. Obviously however long you take to do the steps is your thing but how can you have done everything in 3 months. I've heard of people taking years to write Step 4. You need to live it for it to work.


Natom.

crown86

more to life...live it

graciedog

Try Celebrate Recovery if you can find a meeting close to you. Our meetings are held in a local church. Just look up Celebrate Recovery on-line to see what you can find. It's similar to AA (use the 12 steps), and perhaps not quite so overbearing.

mydee19

I got sober through AA and NA and they saved my life so I would recommend what worked for me; some people have a hard time conceiving the whole God concept but I think they are not seeing it as what it is; you can choose your higher power and mine has been the fellowship.

And that has worked, without them, I would have not made it.

I came into the rooms to save my life and that's exactly what they did for me.

AtATotalLoss

To become the real me that I am today, required me to master control, not reliquish it, or other wise give it up. Having said that, I do believe in the act of surrender, to my HP of my own understanding. I'm nonetheless still in control, still in charge, still walking to the undeniable rhythm of my own drumbeat. In my surrender is created spiritual food for my life. It is clear to me that my surrender does not include me giving up control.

Thank you Robby! This perfectly states the same issues I am struggling with trying to find an alanon meeting too... Your post was very well put!

Received

Mydee,

I'm so happy to see you responded to this thread. I don't know if I would have ever come across it if you hadn't.

So much of what I have felt and come to understand makes so much more sense.

sugarbear1

Have you considered working through steps 4-9 again?

RobbyRobot

Awesome!
Thanks for the thanks!

MIRecovery

I can not speak for anyone else but I knew almost nothing about me or AA at the 90 day mark. My brain was not even unfogged.

The longer I am in AA I find I am just confused on a higher level and about more important things

mydee19

Hi Received, my pleasure.

I have truly learned and accepted that I am not alone nor do I ever want to be alone while recovering. It's real easy to drink and do drugs but it is truly hard to feel the emotions that we feel without wanting to numb it.

I was told to just hang on and be gentle with myself and I finally listened and learned to do that and for today I would not change that for anything in the world.

Keep coming back

TheEnd

This is so funny that this old thread was bumped and this issue popped up, because I was just thinking the same thing. For a while I was so into the program and thought I needed all of that stuff (meetings, steps, sponsor, etc...), but then as time went on I realized I didn't need the program or want what the people had in the rooms. I wasn't going to sign up for a lifetime of meetings. That wasn't recovery for me. I didn't want going to meetings to become a new addiction like it has for so many of my friends. Everything that they do revolves around AA. I wonder how the OP has made out.

mydee19

The same thing happened to me. The longer I was sober and in the rooms, I got confused and felt worse but I hung on, kept coming back and I accepted that I will never really 'understand' it but that's okay. They tell you to keep it simple and so far I have been doing that enjoying the small victories and that has kept me sober and coming back

JeremyKS1

My experience has been of the "It's the Steps you take, not the meetings you make" variety. That's not to put meetings down; they certainly serve their purpose, but I've found that I simply do not need them to live a recovered life. I've known others, too, that have opted to, say, focus more on service in their church and/or community as opposed to A.A. meetings. They seem just as recovered (and often more so) as the people I've known who spend year after year in daily meetings.

All that said, if I had reason to believe that I was in danger of picking up I would re-think my view on meetings.

wiscsober

I would first ask what do you think is a cult or something that is cult(ish). You may already know, but with that knowledge seek out and research a recovery program that isn't. By working the 12 steps you are at a point where you are trying to practice these principles and helping other people with the disease of addiction.

The 12 steps are the program. The people, meetings, groups are the fellowship. The written program doesn't change. The fellowship is always changing.

The people are all at different points in recovery; some are very sick from the disease, some are in remission, some who are extremely well. Try to help the sick ones and those who can be 12th stepped.

The disease is one of loneliness and isolation. If you don't want to attend AA/Na, etc. work a program that keeps you in contact with recovering people.

I have spent a long time in the program, and know exactly how you feel and your train of thought. For me I settled on 2 specific AA groups and an Al-anon meeting. I also attended NA. Life becomes more routine and predictable after certain lengths of sobriety, and at points working the steps. Always though the crux of the program is living sober by helping those still suffering.

Thank you for your "rambling".

Dave H

I have 102 days right now and I just had the worst meeting ever last night. There are some real a$$holes at these meetings. I just try really hard to ignore the jerks. I need to attend meetings for at least a year before slacking off. But for the most part I will go and learn and keep my mouth shut. So, yea, these meetings can suck. Or at least some of the a-holes can.