sable1

Okey... This is a very big problem for me. Drinking didn't really work out for me as a lifestyle (to say the least), so I had to stop completely...
The problem is that I don't get what people do sober? It seems like it's something that makes you an outsider from the rest of the world. Wherever I look, drinking seems to be what people are into doing on the weekends. Either that, or they are living the family life, all coupled up and maybe with children.

I have like one good friend, and she is a prime example of someone who is coupled up. I mean, it's always nice to hang out with her, but she really talks a lot about trying to have kids with her boyfriend and stuff that I can't relate to at all... So one half of the people my age are like this. The other half are party people... this would probably have been the category I would have fitted into, but I can't do that anymore=(

So I fall somewhere in between... I know drinking will only end up making me sick and miserable, but I'm miserable anyway, I feel so damn isolated...

I don't want to get married and have children, tha'ts not something that I'm looking for... but I would like to have a social life.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like this, isolated and alone, because I'm tired of feeling like that...

Any ideas?

Dave12512

i myself have allot of difficulties socializing and fitting in, especially in early sobriety. everytime i was at a party i used to feel uncomfortable around drinks and other people drinking. what helped me allot has been meetings where i could talk about anything to people who just like me had a hard time, some had to rebuild a life for themselves some still held on to a damaged past. i myself had te rebuild and spent allot of time and effort into finding things i like to do but had to learn the diffrance between what is generally accepted as fun and what i personally enjoyed.
being able to apreciate my sober life also changed how i feel when at a party where there is alcohol, i do notice it but it doesnt bother me much anymore.
just give it some time and try to spent as much of that time as possible enjoying yourself

thislonelygirl

im 24 and i am not or have ever been an alcoholic and i dont drink at all because i actually think drinking is pointless and too hyped.....better things to do with your time.
I diy. Write. Save money for trips, movies, mall, sports, sight seeing/outdoors, etc
i had a period when i drank with friends every weekend or every other weekend but then i grew up a little and saw that drinking has its cons and very little pros even as a non problematic addiction. i would rather spend my money and fill my life with memories and experiences.
try doing or going somewhere youve never been before. doesnt have to be out of state or country it can be in your city. try a museum if youve never been or try pottery class etc...or go to the beach or scuba,fish, boat or surf.
try jogging,walking,volleyball,tennis,golf so forth and bring maybe find a family member or friend or significant other who will go along with you drink free.

Twenties

I'm a 21 year old college student and was HUGE into the party scene-its all i did, and all my friends did.

I'm pretty confident I can have a great social life without drinking, and not necessarily cut ties with my old friends either. Part of my plan is to make friends in AA-and join some clubs on campus, branch out a little bit more. And, if possible, try to show up to a few parties and bars and not drink-although that option is not so clear to me as of now

isinganyway

I think it seems this way because people who are alcoholics separate ourselves from everyone who isn't partying... try getting involved with things you like doing (sports, hobbies, etc.) and meeting people through those venues, which aren't all about drinking

Rose2012

I was never a big drinker until recently. In my 20's I found myself isolated. I'd still go out to bars with my "friends" but I'd be the one with the soda water or the non-alcoholized beer, watching them turn gradually into sloppy idiots.

People my age now all seem to be parents and I don't fit into that crowd at all. I don't think it's just a younger person's problem to be honest. I'm hoping to meet some people when I go back to university next semester. Hopefully people who don't focus their entertainment solely on drinking.

paul99

I completely agree.

You can be in your 40's, 50's and 60's and still find some of those feelings of being separated from your peers. The only difference is that it is a bit more amplified when you're in your 20's. It would seem that everyone is either out getting hammered or at home playing with Junior while the casserole is baking in the oven. I am pretty sure that there are a whack of other people in the middle doing interesting, groovy things, and not drinking (or drinking very little) while doing it. We naturally tend to focus on the drinking because we're not drinking. Took me a while to realize that there are lots of people who don't drink...and it's not because they're alcoholics.

As suggested, try out some other social groups via sports, hobbies, etc. It's hard to fathom (and believe me it took me a while), but people actually have rich, rewarding, fun lives that alcohol has nothing to do with.

Good luck

TSDD

I have a friend that is a master plumber who likes to say "water seeks it's own level".

I stopped drinking for good the day I turned 22 and can tell you for YEARS I thought that absolutely everyone drank and there was nothing else to life without it.

The men that came before me assured me that my social life wasn't my problem, that if I was an alcoholic my only problem in the world was to not take that first drink and if I could do that continuously without interruption I would be allright. 17+ years later I believe this is the truth.... you couldn't have sold me on that early on, but I just stayed sober to avoid the consequences of my drinking and things fell into place for me.

Really if I'm honest... or at least factual about where my drinking and drugging really took me, I can say that I didn't really have a spectacularly full social calander and people generally didn't want me around them at the end of my drinking. The extent of socialization I was doing at a bar room was saying "one more" to the bartender, or brief transactions with drug dealers. I'm really missing nothing by avoiding that scene and people who drink and drug to excess.

FYI, I found my answers in AA and NA fellowships.

TSDD

When I was out getting loaded if I were at a party and you wern't getting messed up with us, I thought you were probably a narc or something and I wouldn't want you around. Leave the people who enjoy getting loaded to their fun. If you're like me they won't miss the stunts you pulled when you were loaded, and if you're sober now odds are it'll be a real buzz kill for THEM to have you around telling them how great you're doing sober.

I've never ever got drunk from NOT being at a place where people are getting loaded.

Feliciadragon

I isolated myself once my addiction got really bad, so now as I start to get sober, I really don't have friends to go back to. I alienated my sober or "normal" (people who can drink socially and are not addicted) friends while I was drinking.

I just got out of rehab and they emphasized finding things to do with your time, and making connections with sober people. I am going to start attending a women's weekly meeting at the treatment center, and I am going to look for other local meetings to go to where I can meet people in my area who are sober and trying to stay that way. I think meetings will be the easiest places to find sober people to do things with!

sugarbear1

Young People in AA exists in most areas. Find out where yours is,(people and things to do sober).

ICYPAA - Home

When we drink, we surround ourselves with others who drink. Not everyone drinks, we just don't find them, yet!

Young

If you work the steps life will happen. Get active

Db1105

I sobered up shortly before my 18th birthday with the help of AA. Lucky for me there were quite a few other young people at the time so having a social life wasn't much an issue. We pretty much did everything except drink.

Also important was getting back into the real world. That included getting a GED, then getting into college, working various jobs, and finding friendships outside the program. I had to seek them out. It didn't happen sitting at home.

ZombieAttack

I can only speak from my own experiences, but I try to entertain myself with things that I literally could not do when drunk.

Cycle sports, complicated computer programming, working with young people, negotiating business agreements face to face, etc.

This makes me appreciate my sober, reasoned self a lot more. I have only been clean for a very short time, but have definitely experienced the, "so, what do I do now then?" feeling of being sober.

So, I feel where you are coming from!

TTBABP

I am not young and am coupled up but still have friends (both old and coupled up) whose social lives revolve around having drinks. I have no children but they do and their idea of fun & relaxation is drinking. They do not do it often but booze is present whever we do get together. OK for them they can drink normally - not for me who can't

I gotta belive that there are people - both old and young - that can socialize and have great fun with alcohol. Maybe we just need to invest a little time reasearching groups and clubs and such.

1waytoserenity

Just Google AA Events!

Seems that the 12-Step recovery programs have organized events all the time. You can start by attending conventions and getting to see how people in recovery can have a rockin' good time without the liquid poison.

You can have small gatherings at your home and make it a no booze zone where everyone can make fruit smoothies (get bowls of ingredients and let them get creative).

Create the life you want!

isinganyway

You'd be surprised how many people don't drink, or only have a few on a Friday or Saturday.

To be honest, once I stopped drinking I realized that I didn't actually have as much free time as I thought I did when I was partying all the time. I was just neglecting a lot of really important stuff to drink. Now that I'm actually working on myself and trying to achieve, I feel like I don't have enough time in the day.

Try to remember the things you loved as a kid, or before you started drinking. Art? Music? Movies? Take a class. TREAT YO SELF. Enjoy how beautiful life is...

nycguy83

At various times I've gotten into veganism, loose-leaf tea, collecting Japanese tea-ware, exercise, school, relationships, work, etc. I used to go clubbing sober but I don't really recommend it.

If you live in an urban area, meetup.com is a great site to find like-minded people meeting face to face for activities, sports, hiking, restaurants, etc etc etc

TheEnd

Getting sober while you're young is probably the best experience you will have. This is the time for you to create your life the way you wish. Plus you don't have 20+ years of being in a bad routine drinking and using drugs, so altering your lifestyle won't be quite as difficult. The possibilities are limitless, you just have to be open to them.