This cycle will never end for me
This cycle will never end for me
Ive been on here before. Im 22. . I am an alcoholic but was able to stay sober an entire year! I relapsed about 5 months ago, i dont know its all a drunken blur. I lost my mom to this desiease. I watched her drink and get sick. Im getting as bad as she was. i cant even write this without geting emotional. Back before my year of sobriety, I only drank on the weekends. Maybe one day during the week. . sometimes a few hours after id waken up from a party. I was sober a year and this relapse is the worste ive ever drank. sometimes I drink everyday and dont stop for days and days. its never been this bad. As for today i havent drank in a day or 2. I like drinking cause i can be social in big groups. . i now have a big group of friends and meet new people all the time. Sober i cant hardly go to walmart alone because of anxiety. Even tho i have fun with drinking, im always arguing with someone with i drink. I know how bad this sounds and how in deep i am in the desiease and in denial still but i was thinking of cutting it down to drinking one night once a month? i dont know. just help me out here someone i need you guys rigt now
good to see yer post this morning! glad to see ya seein a problem and wanting to do something about it.
do you thing cutting down to one night a month is a good solution?
"Even tho i have fun with drinking, im always arguing with someone with i drink."
does this really sound lke fun or insane?
do you think you can drink only once a month?
for this ex drunk, the only thing that worked for me was complete sobriety. i also had to change me to get completely sober. but it was well worth it.
do you thing cutting down to one night a month is a good solution?
"Even tho i have fun with drinking, im always arguing with someone with i drink."
does this really sound lke fun or insane?
do you think you can drink only once a month?
for this ex drunk, the only thing that worked for me was complete sobriety. i also had to change me to get completely sober. but it was well worth it.
(((Tigerlover))), welcome back to SR - glad you've decided to reach out again
If you had, I don't know, let's say a chest infection and it kept getting worse and worse, no matter what you did. What would you do? I'm guessing you'd go see your doctor. My point is, you have a disease which has already claimed the life of your mother. You have tried to do something to 'fix' it but it's not working so I reckon it's time to get outside, real time help and support. Your doctor would be a great start, especially as you sound like you were drinking quite heavily and so unassisted detox could be dangerous
I was saddened by the title of your post, This Cycle Will Never End For Me. Says who? I know that things may seem too challenging and hopeless at the moment but while you are still breathing, there is always hope my dear. Just read all the success stories here!
Don't give up Tigerlover, but Please reach out for help, whether it's your doctor, AA, family, friend.... Just don't go this alone.
M
If you had, I don't know, let's say a chest infection and it kept getting worse and worse, no matter what you did. What would you do? I'm guessing you'd go see your doctor. My point is, you have a disease which has already claimed the life of your mother. You have tried to do something to 'fix' it but it's not working so I reckon it's time to get outside, real time help and support. Your doctor would be a great start, especially as you sound like you were drinking quite heavily and so unassisted detox could be dangerous
I was saddened by the title of your post, This Cycle Will Never End For Me. Says who? I know that things may seem too challenging and hopeless at the moment but while you are still breathing, there is always hope my dear. Just read all the success stories here!
Don't give up Tigerlover, but Please reach out for help, whether it's your doctor, AA, family, friend.... Just don't go this alone.
M
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
Hi. I understand how you feel. I had alot of anxiety too. For some reason, it was the grocery store too. I've been sober and working on these situations that make me anxious. The big crowds. I am able to go to these places now and be ok. Google urge surfing. It is a form of self soothing. Calming. You can break the cycle. It is very possible. Love to you.
I understand so much where you are coming from and I`ve struggled with the same. I become so outgoing and social when I drink, but after a big bender I can stay in my house for several days, hardly being able to walk my dog in the garden. I`ve bargained with alcohol so many times, and tried everything. Just drinking wine, just drinking beer, just drinking with certain people, just drinking on certain nights and on certain occasions. But unfortunatelly nothing helps. The only way for me is to stay completely sober.
I wish you all the luck in the world!
I wish you all the luck in the world!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: casablanca
Posts: 282
" drinking one night once a month? " you don't want the problems that alcohol brings into your life but you still cling to alcohol. We have all been there, and sometimes I still ask that question " you mean to tell me I will never drink again? not even once a year or on a very special occasion or when it's hot and coming back from the beach? or at least on superbowl or on labor day? or on saturday? then on sunday, Monday, tuesday....?" then back to the pain, anger, resentments, broken promises, hating oneself for knowing better, and back to square one over and over and over for years til one hits bottom several times over.....you get the picture. We can not have reservation anymore. from what I read and from my own personal experience, I think you are very lucky and very courageous for facing this problem this early in your life. Do find a program that will help you(not stop drinking, because you can do that, you did it for couple of days now) but teach you to live sober, cause that is our problem, living a sober life and enjoying it.
Hi Tigerlover,
at 21 I was just like you, drinking the same way. At 22 I had no friends left, no job no money, no family, malnutrition, hallucinations. The doc said I wouldn't see 23. I was desperate enough to go to AA, the last thing I thought I would ever do. I completely gave myself to their simple program and aint had a drink since.
Since I got sober some good things happened like great career, own business, loving wife, wonderful son, beautiful daughter, home, yacht, travel, friends, frequent moments of intense joy and happiness, some moments of sadness when I lost my dad, my sponsor and my wife of 20 years, but I now have the ability to handle these without drinking, and my main thrill is watching other alcoholics recover as I did and get what I got.
Maybe you could give AA a try. What have you got to lose?
at 21 I was just like you, drinking the same way. At 22 I had no friends left, no job no money, no family, malnutrition, hallucinations. The doc said I wouldn't see 23. I was desperate enough to go to AA, the last thing I thought I would ever do. I completely gave myself to their simple program and aint had a drink since.
Since I got sober some good things happened like great career, own business, loving wife, wonderful son, beautiful daughter, home, yacht, travel, friends, frequent moments of intense joy and happiness, some moments of sadness when I lost my dad, my sponsor and my wife of 20 years, but I now have the ability to handle these without drinking, and my main thrill is watching other alcoholics recover as I did and get what I got.
Maybe you could give AA a try. What have you got to lose?
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 186
Hello. I often feel weird about being a young person (25) and trying to stay sober. There is no doubt that I shouldn't be drinking alcohol at all. I think I was around 22 when I started thinking about giving up alcohol, because it was starting to get worse... the panic attacks after a bender, the withdrawals, the anxiety, the health issues that were starting to surface... But it took some seriously scary stuff to really get me to want to attempt sobriety for real.
It's not easy, it really isn't. When I think back on my upbringing, I realize that my life didn't really start until I discovered alcohol. I was a miserable child, and a lot of painful things happened when I was young that made me very isolated and lonely. When I took those first few sip, you would think I had found a cure for cancer or something. After that my life revolved around alcohol. Ever since, I haven't had friends who weren't as much into drinking or drugs as I was. Because of my social anxiety and age, making new friends in sobriety hasn't been easy. Most people my age are still very into partying a lot. Or they are the super settled types, who are getting married and having children. I fit none of those categories....
I often feel confused about it all, what am I supped to do sober at 25?? And why did this happen to me at such a young age? My uncle was a serious alcoholic who drank himself to death, my older brothers and my dad are active alcoholics although they have jobs and function.... So I definitely think there might be some genetic predisposition going on... Sobriety is NOT looked upon as something positive in my family!
Anyway, about the age thing... I feel that my age is often a big problem in sobriety. I just don't feel like there are a lot of young people who are really trying to be sober. I feel like sobriety really isolates me.
Sorry about the long post...
It's not easy, it really isn't. When I think back on my upbringing, I realize that my life didn't really start until I discovered alcohol. I was a miserable child, and a lot of painful things happened when I was young that made me very isolated and lonely. When I took those first few sip, you would think I had found a cure for cancer or something. After that my life revolved around alcohol. Ever since, I haven't had friends who weren't as much into drinking or drugs as I was. Because of my social anxiety and age, making new friends in sobriety hasn't been easy. Most people my age are still very into partying a lot. Or they are the super settled types, who are getting married and having children. I fit none of those categories....
I often feel confused about it all, what am I supped to do sober at 25?? And why did this happen to me at such a young age? My uncle was a serious alcoholic who drank himself to death, my older brothers and my dad are active alcoholics although they have jobs and function.... So I definitely think there might be some genetic predisposition going on... Sobriety is NOT looked upon as something positive in my family!
Anyway, about the age thing... I feel that my age is often a big problem in sobriety. I just don't feel like there are a lot of young people who are really trying to be sober. I feel like sobriety really isolates me.
Sorry about the long post...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 20
I'm a bit late coming to this post but it really struck a few chords with me... Tigerlover, I was in the same boat as you, I first stopped drinking at 27 and managed a year of sobriety, before falling off the wagon and ending up in a worse place than I'd ever been after a year if drinking. I hit absolute rock bottom, nearly lost everything, and as a result have now been sober for ten months and hope to keep it that way.
I know everyone's different but truthfully, I doubt anyone who's ever had the need to be sober because if the level of their drinking, can ever learn to control it, be it to one drink a night, or just special occasions, or one night a month... It seems to be an all or nothing. My year back on drink started with a couple of glasses of champagne, I'd just have one or two he or there and thought I had it under control. But then I thought two is fine, why not three, then three is fine why not five. It was a gradual slide back but I know the same would happen again this time if I don't stay sober.
What I found different this time was redefining myself. Your post made me think of this too Sable1. It is hard to be young and sober, surrounded by friends still partying. So this time I chose to clear out the bad influences from my life, people who weren't real friends, or who only cared about partying. I spend as much time as I can with my family, and friends who support me. I go out, but to gigs and restaurants and festivals, not dive bars where there's nothing to do but drink. I miss drinking all the time! I miss the dancing, the crazy times and the confidence (I won't lie, my love life has taken a serious set back), but I try and find genuine fun, with people who care about me and I think although I can't have everything I want, and would love to be able to party like my friends can, the general quality of my life is a thousand times better. Being young and sober is hard, but life is still good, and the a,ternative doesn't bare thinking about. Keep on keeping on guys xxxx
I know everyone's different but truthfully, I doubt anyone who's ever had the need to be sober because if the level of their drinking, can ever learn to control it, be it to one drink a night, or just special occasions, or one night a month... It seems to be an all or nothing. My year back on drink started with a couple of glasses of champagne, I'd just have one or two he or there and thought I had it under control. But then I thought two is fine, why not three, then three is fine why not five. It was a gradual slide back but I know the same would happen again this time if I don't stay sober.
What I found different this time was redefining myself. Your post made me think of this too Sable1. It is hard to be young and sober, surrounded by friends still partying. So this time I chose to clear out the bad influences from my life, people who weren't real friends, or who only cared about partying. I spend as much time as I can with my family, and friends who support me. I go out, but to gigs and restaurants and festivals, not dive bars where there's nothing to do but drink. I miss drinking all the time! I miss the dancing, the crazy times and the confidence (I won't lie, my love life has taken a serious set back), but I try and find genuine fun, with people who care about me and I think although I can't have everything I want, and would love to be able to party like my friends can, the general quality of my life is a thousand times better. Being young and sober is hard, but life is still good, and the a,ternative doesn't bare thinking about. Keep on keeping on guys xxxx
Ive been on here before. Im 22. . I am an alcoholic but was able to stay sober an entire year! I relapsed about 5 months ago, i don't know its all a drunken blur. I lost my mom to this desiease. I watched her drink and get sick. Im getting as bad as she was. i cant even write this without geting emotional. Back before my year of sobriety, I only drank on the weekends. Maybe one day during the week. . sometimes a few hours after id waken up from a party. I was sober a year and this relapse is the worste ive ever drank. sometimes I drink everyday and dont stop for days and days. its never been this bad. As for today i havent drank in a day or 2. I like drinking cause i can be social in big groups. . i now have a big group of friends and meet new people all the time. Sober i cant hardly go to walmart alone because of anxiety. Even tho i have fun with drinking, im always arguing with someone with i drink. I know how bad this sounds and how in deep i am in the desiease and in denial still but i was thinking of cutting it down to drinking one night once a month? i dont know. just help me out here someone i need you guys rigt now
OH Tigerlover----Give yourself a break. I am not sure when your mom passed away, but maybe that set you up for relapse.
If that was not the trigger then something else would have been. Believe me I was your age when I began my decent into alcoholism, and 22 has got to be one of the worst times in your life to try and get sober, so before I go any further I must say you have to TRY being kind to YOU.
There are worst things then relapsing, and who knows how many times you and others have relapsed. That is part of the disease. So every time you do you can't beat yourself up.
I wish I had the courage you have at 22 to Even have realized I had a drinking problem, so give yourself an A+ for that alone. For discovering this at a time in your life when you are supposed to be partying with friends, staying out late, getting drunk, finding love, and discovering yourself......well that is the problem you face as an alcoholic----all those things will most likely lead you to alcohol over and over.
You are not like those people who can tell stories about how " I fell into the pool, couldn't find my car, passed out, jumped on a table and danced my a--off, pissed in an alley , jumped off a roof....and on and on. You are not one of THOSE PEOPLE because for them this is a "once when I was young story" only.
In my 20's I did all those things and more, but I did them over and over, night after night. It was not a once in a while thing, why? because I was in that special group of people who cannot put the "drink down". It was MY BEST FRIEND and went everywhere I went, and many of those places were spectacular. It brought me my own set of friends, places to go, ability to be witty,beautiful,popular, and feel invincible. The thought of losing that was just not an option at 22--it took me to 35----
YOU ARE SO FAR AHEAD OF ME--YOU ARE NOT IN DENIAL--YOU ARE AN ALCOHOLIC, and that means when you put that last drink down---it HAS to be YOUR last. You do not have the luxury of deal making with yourself--like oh I'll just drink on weekends, one night a week , holidays, weddings, Yada, Yada, Yada
YOU have to know this -----Once the alcohol is consumed (even a few sips) you will not be able to stop consuming it until you pass out, black-out, or fall asleep (that is what I called my passing out).
So very sorry you are in this club, but when (and you will) get sober you will be someone you will LOVE. I know this will sound weird but you will actually be on a higher level then non-alcoholics because your journey has allowed you to really get to understand yourself.
Just dust yourself off, stop seeing your drinking buddies, take some time off from the world and Read every piece of material you can find on "Alcoholism".
You will find you are no worse than the rest of us here.
I have been a recovering alcoholic for 25 years, and am still tempted to talk myself into just having"ONE DRINK"----, but now my own best friend (me) never allows me to even try--- I am an alcoholic not an IDIOT.
God girl, never give up trying to find sobriety no matter how many times you relapse. Actually I am in awe of people like you who fall off that horse and get right back on--now that takes guts!
We are all here for you, Tiger. Use us!!!!
Stay strong!
I have felt that way before too. You are not alone. You CAN overcome this. Many people have. Keep posting here and stick to a good recovery plan that works for you. Tweak the plan if necessary. Try not to be too hard on yourself if you stumble (but do your best to keep the footing smooth).
Dont give up. There is lots of hope for you
Dont give up. There is lots of hope for you
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