GrowingDaily

I believe one of the things that works to keep people from pursuing the path of sobriety is the notion that they'll never achieve the same level of happiness in the future. We may not think of it in such direct terms, but deep in our psyche, we can't picture ourselves having fun at a BBQ, or going to a movie, or spending a day in a boat fishing, without the 'joy' of alcohol (or, whatever). And we can't bear the thought of becoming the morose chain-smoking AA-attendee (no offense guys - I'm just trying to paint a picture here) who's every waking moment is spent battling his inner demons and fighting back the urge to drink. I know this is the way I viewed a sober future, and I'm sure I'm not unique.

Well, what I'm realizing now is that my assumptions were all wrong. I'm not lacking joy... I'm actually beginning to rediscover it. And I'm not morose. For the first time in a long time, I'm actually excited about my life, excited by the prospect of self-improvement, excited to be free of my prison.

I think about my sobriety daily. But what I never would have realized before is that this is a good thing - a productive thing - and it brings me peace, not sorrow. I'm not consumed by it. I'm simply aware. Aware of the harm I've done to myself, aware of the harm that may come if I go back to my old ways, and aware of how much better my life is without the drugs in it.

So if anyone out there is on the fence worried that your first day of sobriety will be your last true day of happiness, trust me, you couldn't possibly be more wrong. It's the exact opposite. The beginning will be rough, the light at the end of the tunnel is well worth the journey.

Purplecatlover

I think my life is better now than it was before I started drinking. It has been a very deep & rewarding searching of myself.
A new awakening.
I am finally dealing with things that kept me emotionally stalled.
I feel like I've risen from the ashes & have a whole new universe to explore.
I think I've finally found myself!

macknacat

I was broken down but hard when i came into recovery. Familiar litany: divorce, no kid visitation, home i had hand built ready to be foreclosed, fired from that last commission only job, etc etc. No color. Gray.

After i got out of rehab: the near fatal bike accident, no ability to work , still no visitation rights etc etc

somehow, someway a life was still unfolding- my life. And because i was just the tiniest bit willing it began to get better. I found a sponsor who said: "buddy we're gonna have to work on you loving you" . I fired guns at old photographs during my 4th step. I wrote in a journal. I opened a savings account. I asked for help. I got a job. I lived in my old suburban. And i did what you all had told me you had done: meetings, service, sponsor , steps.

**** still happens. Hard ****. We can talk about that some other time.

Along the way i finally wrote my first novel. Built two boats [i'm on my 3rd] was there in a big way when my son needed me most. Started meetings. ran two nice businesses. played music around a fire pit in a glass walled room i built here. Made those direct amends. Made a lot of close close friends. Paid off my mortgage. Took my motorcycle into the desert. Installed a bunch of solar on my home. Camped in the high Rockies. Discovered serenity and found i could access it whenever i needed it.

Kids in rehab thought i might try on a color other than black. I did.

Tomorrow , my 24 yr old son and i will go on another camping and fishing trip. He has 92 days sober.

RobbyRobot

Awesome, macknacat. Seriously cool. Its totally working as promised. Absolutely good to hear about your son. Inspiring stuff.

Yeah. The ending of the drunkenness is not the ending of good times, lol. Totally the other way around. Sobriety rocks. Its always day in and day out worth living and dying for absolutely no life like it.

"We have found much of heaven and have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed."

-- AA Big Book 1st Ed.

Terminally Unique

In addiction, the short-lived pleasure of cheap chemical thrills is confused with happiness, but they are not one and the same.

DaveVelasco

When I had been starting to live in sobriety, I always think the present to be my best days. I do not mostly look back at my past in a negative perspective, but I view it as a learning life experience that made me on what I am today.

sallen1973

I feel miserable not drinking. I am 52 days sober and I am not finding the " peace and love and spirtual awakening" that is supposedly to come with sobriety. I am not happier, I am fatter as the sugar cravings have taken over my life. I dont feel physically healthier nor have any great peace inside. I know drinking was hurting myself and those I loved so I quit.. stopped... whichever the correct term is. I started to fear for my health. Now my health is worse with the extra 20 pounds I have put on.. and my cholestrol is super high now too. I have a therapist and a pyschariast and am on anti depressants and other drugs that I was told would work better when I quit drinking... I feel no difference at all! does anyone else have this kind of experience?

sugarbear1

sallen1973, have you tried to work the steps of AA? Those steps saved my life!

GrowingDaily

I never had a problem quitting drinking in the past. I'd just replace it with something else. That could be food, that could be other intoxicants; it could even be internet forums. The bottom line was that nothing was really changing in regards to how I faced the outside world, as well as myself. That was a change I failed to make in the past. So I'd jump from this substance to that, convincing myself that my ability to do so indicated I wasn't an addict. But my underlying problems that drove me to hide from reality were never addressed.

What's really worked for me in regards to recovery is proper diet & exercise. Aside from the obvious health benefits, the act of actually putting yourself first - and caring for yourself - goes a long way towards recovery. I feel that part of the the drive to drink involves the shame & guilt of knowing we're killing ourselves. It's a self-destructive tendency. Once we start self-constructing, everything starts to fall into place. We find joy in treating ourselves with love.

We don't turn to alcohol & drugs without reason. And the fact we're literally willing to kill ourselves in an effort to hide from our problems is indicative of just how emotionally difficult facing our issues can be. So you're fooling yourself if you think that eliminating the symptom of your problem alone will bring joy to your life.

What you have here - in your sobriety - is the opportunity to figure out your problems, address them, and heal. That will bring happiness - in time. How much time depends on you, your problems, and your commitment to self. But I guarantee you it's worth it.

Also - don't let yourself fall into the trap of focusing on only the bad times. We all have our bad days. Many of us have the tendency to focus solely on them forgetting the rest. I've started keeping a journal of my good times - clearly explaining my emotions at the time - so when I'm tending towards depression, I can read back on my own comments and realize that while I feel hopeless today, there was a time last week (or last month) when I felt a hope I hadn't felt in a long time. And if I could do that once, I can do it again.

Boxer1

Wow! you are nailing some of my biggest fears. What defined me in my "benifit" when I was much younger doesnt fit as well when youre 40.

Boxer1

I am as scared and unsure now as I ever was before I slipped down this slope. Funny how self assured I was along the way but I think I always knew I wasnt right.

sable1

I had a similar experience when I stopped drinking. I was so confused, because many people seemed to be saying that if you just stop drinking everything will be roses and sunshine. Not so for me... I spended at least the first year of attempted sobriety to experience every negative feeling possible; anger, shame, guilt, depression, loneliness, grief about how my "friend" alcohol was not there to save me from those feelings anymore...

Since then I have realized that it was only logical for me to feel that way. I was so bottled up and had never dealt with anything in my life, so now, without the numbing effects of alcohol, I had to deal with it. It was not an alltogether positive experience.

I could allso tell you about so many different ways that I have tried to cope with sobriety, that have still allowed me to hide from reality and my real issues and still stay in selfdestructive old patterns.
It seems that some people just quit drinking and become happy very fast, while others need a long time to figure things out. I guess it depends on what your issues are from the beginning, your situation in life, outside support and other stuff.
I still have a long way to go, that's for sure.

SSIL75

This is such a fantastic post and totally mirrors my experience. I forever thought that sobriety was punishment for not being able to handle drinking and I absolutely made a conscious decision to continue to battle with my drinking rather than sit in a smokey church basement droning on about Jesus.

Through SR I learned that sobriety didn't have to be any of that. In fact 'Sobriety' is just normal life. The very point that I thought it was just a BFD is what made me an alcoholic.

Normal people can take or leave alcohol.

dpatrol

awesome....great read!

BJsLittleGirl

YES YES YES YES YES. I am on my third day "sober" and that is exactly how I think. I will never really smile or laugh again. The rest of my life is a grey valley of white knuckled, grim determination to not drink.

My entire life is being reduced to "sobriety." Grim, grey, joyless sobriety.

TTBABP

I, too, am experiencing those fears of never being happy without alcohol so it is a great comfort to see other people echoing my fears but still on the journey to staying clear of alcohol.

I am very afraid right now though because although I have not had a drink in five days its because I usually don't drink weekdays - now the weekend is coming and vacation next week - with with friends that enjoy socially drinking and I haven't come totally clean with all of them that I don't want to drink anymore and I really don't want to tell them - at least not just yet. I pray my resolve will be as strong as many of you and I also pray for the others of us who resolve maybe shaky

ashbyee

This is such a wonderful and very important post. Thank you.

I could never figure out why - being sober was such a big deal. I would go for a while with nothing to drink and things really didn't get that much better. My kids still aurgued, my ex husband was still a jerk, sure I would lose some weight and feel a little better- but it was short lived because I still felt guilty about doing something for myself. It did make my job easier and I looked better- but I still felt so fragile???

So, all it would take to derail me would be an encounter with my ex and his new wife and I would want to literally drown in wine. And thus- the cycle started all over again. All that not drinking, working out, reading- out the door. It was party back on and the excuses to keep drinking just didn't stop: summer, last day of school, kids at camp, school year starting etc...

I never addressed the real issue: my inability to really feel and cope and deal with life on life's terms- not my spoiled, immature terms- but being a grown up and moving forward terms. Such a cliche- but so true! Being drunk, drunk texting, raging to anyone that would listen- that is not dealing - it really is running.

I am praying so hard that this is time I really get it. I want my brain and my soul to really embrace this. It is going to be so hard to resist the people and opportunities to drink. EVERYONE I know is a drinker- family, friends - you name it. And of course, they don't think I have a problem! I am praying for everyone here. (this was not a quick reply)

Needsassistance

Hi ash, welcome. I too have struggled with no one knowing I have a issue, but me. My wife too, but she thought I was drinking by choice and could just shut it off and not drink, I was a terrible binge drinker, not a drink every day guy.... Its world for me that. Just tell my friends and family, no thanks I'm not got going to drink today. If asked why not, respond(depending on who) that I'm having some issues with drinking and am not going to drink today. That's usually the end. For those im not that close too, my answer is I'm dieting, training etc...

Dejvice

This is the stuff that keeps us newbies going, this is the stuff you need to read when you are at a low point and have a strong urge to drink.

The Alchoholics Equation
Drinking is only going to make things worse...worse....worse. Not drinking is going the make things better......better.....better.
But getting one side of the equation to the other takes a ton of work and will power.