How Do I Know You Mean It This Time
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((icu))) - I'm sorry this wasn't her time, but I do pray she seeks recovery soon. I totally understand how you're feeling - though I'm grateful for my recovery and the relationships I have with the people I hurt, I've been on your side, too, and it still hurts.
My addict brain knows how messed up my thinking was when I was using, but when I'm on the other end of it? Yuk. That's when I'm even more grateful for SR - we're not alone and others "get" what we're feeling. Sometimes just posting it and getting it out there helps me a lot.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
My addict brain knows how messed up my thinking was when I was using, but when I'm on the other end of it? Yuk. That's when I'm even more grateful for SR - we're not alone and others "get" what we're feeling. Sometimes just posting it and getting it out there helps me a lot.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
RABF once explained to me the difference between simply abstaining from your DOC and actually living a life of recovery. He is now 41 days sober, which I just now figured out by looking up the date from a text message from his mom...anyway, from my experience, you'll know by how they just stop drinking/using and work the program of their choice. Their recovery becomes 100% their business. Skepticism and discussions are no longer required. Which they shouldn't be required in the first place, but you no longer feel the skepticism or the need to discuss anything recovery related. The alcoholic/addict does his/her own recovery work without any participation from friends/family whatsoever.
At first I was skeptical thinking, "it can't be that simple, can it?"
But it can be and is, because the lying and the copouts, etc., are what make it complicated. Those things go away when someone is really in recovery.
Just my $0.02
At first I was skeptical thinking, "it can't be that simple, can it?"
But it can be and is, because the lying and the copouts, etc., are what make it complicated. Those things go away when someone is really in recovery.
Just my $0.02
icutrauma1
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: columbia , md
Posts: 41
It has been very difficult to get my feet under myself since my agf of 6 yrs relapsed 32 days into recovery. She is back on the streets and i'm sure selling her soul.
I am trying to separate her relapse from taking it personally as a betrayal.
I was not able to attend a Nar Anon meeting tonight so I went to a NA meeting. I do this quite regularly to gain understanding and learn.
A gentleman was celebrating his 10th anniversary along with getting custody of his son. He made mention of how he learned that his desire to get high and have fun disappeared quickly with his relapses when he realized he was living a life of " maintenance". This made me realize that she is not out there having "fun" or "spitting in my face".
During her sobriety she had fears she would not have love for me when I visited her on her third week. After wards she shared with her counselor that she did have very strong feelings & love for me. She had given consent for me to have access to information from her counselor and I also told her counselor she was free to discuss anything I spoke of with her also.
My question is this. After you had made progress and then unfortunately relapsed, she said she" got cocky", what could she be experiencing now using after she had lived sober and had felt happy and proud of her progress from day to day or hour to hour?
The reason I ask is I once read that an addict returns to where they left off. I wonder if her activity is worse now not because her use has escalated but her shame or disappointment is greater after having accomplishing that many days sober?
Please teach me.
I am trying to separate her relapse from taking it personally as a betrayal.
I was not able to attend a Nar Anon meeting tonight so I went to a NA meeting. I do this quite regularly to gain understanding and learn.
A gentleman was celebrating his 10th anniversary along with getting custody of his son. He made mention of how he learned that his desire to get high and have fun disappeared quickly with his relapses when he realized he was living a life of " maintenance". This made me realize that she is not out there having "fun" or "spitting in my face".
During her sobriety she had fears she would not have love for me when I visited her on her third week. After wards she shared with her counselor that she did have very strong feelings & love for me. She had given consent for me to have access to information from her counselor and I also told her counselor she was free to discuss anything I spoke of with her also.
My question is this. After you had made progress and then unfortunately relapsed, she said she" got cocky", what could she be experiencing now using after she had lived sober and had felt happy and proud of her progress from day to day or hour to hour?
The reason I ask is I once read that an addict returns to where they left off. I wonder if her activity is worse now not because her use has escalated but her shame or disappointment is greater after having accomplishing that many days sober?
Please teach me.
icutrauma1
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: columbia , md
Posts: 41
i dont understand. u didn't teach me anything. i am trying to learn what addicts feel so that i can better understand. addicys feel they are different, okay help me understand so i can be of greater support when , if , recoverfy is there.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by icutrauma1 
ha ha, i am soooooo old
actually i was making the age joke at my expense! (52)
I apologize if you were offended.
Beth
icutrauma1
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: columbia , md
Posts: 41
You didnt, but my question to thr community is:
It has been very difficult to get my feet under myself since my agf of 6 yrs relapsed 32 days into recovery. She is back on the streets and i'm sure selling her soul.
I am trying to separate her relapse from taking it personally as a betrayal.
I was not able to attend a Nar Anon meeting tonight so I went to a NA meeting. I do this quite regularly to gain understanding and learn.
A gentleman was celebrating his 10th anniversary along with getting custody of his son. He made mention of how he learned that his desire to get high and have fun disappeared quickly with his relapses when he realized he was living a life of " maintenance". This made me realize that she is not out there having "fun" or "spitting in my face".
During her sobriety she had fears she would not have love for me when I visited her on her third week. After wards she shared with her counselor that she did have very strong feelings & love for me. She had given consent for me to have access to information from her counselor and I also told her counselor she was free to discuss anything I spoke of with her also.
My question is this. After you had made progress and then unfortunately relapsed, she said she" got cocky", what could she be experiencing now using after she had lived sober and had felt happy and proud of her progress from day to day or hour to hour?
The reason I ask is I once read that an addict returns to where they left off. I wonder if her activity is worse now not because her use has escalated but her shame or disappointment is greater after having accomplishing that many days sober?
It has been very difficult to get my feet under myself since my agf of 6 yrs relapsed 32 days into recovery. She is back on the streets and i'm sure selling her soul.
I am trying to separate her relapse from taking it personally as a betrayal.
I was not able to attend a Nar Anon meeting tonight so I went to a NA meeting. I do this quite regularly to gain understanding and learn.
A gentleman was celebrating his 10th anniversary along with getting custody of his son. He made mention of how he learned that his desire to get high and have fun disappeared quickly with his relapses when he realized he was living a life of " maintenance". This made me realize that she is not out there having "fun" or "spitting in my face".
During her sobriety she had fears she would not have love for me when I visited her on her third week. After wards she shared with her counselor that she did have very strong feelings & love for me. She had given consent for me to have access to information from her counselor and I also told her counselor she was free to discuss anything I spoke of with her also.
My question is this. After you had made progress and then unfortunately relapsed, she said she" got cocky", what could she be experiencing now using after she had lived sober and had felt happy and proud of her progress from day to day or hour to hour?
The reason I ask is I once read that an addict returns to where they left off. I wonder if her activity is worse now not because her use has escalated but her shame or disappointment is greater after having accomplishing that many days sober?
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