ArnTheBarn

I've always been easily irritated and developed annoyances/pet peeves/hatreds at an early age. This ranges from people smacking their gum, scratching their arm non-stop (its the nervous energy of others that makes me irritated), etc. The worst pet peeve, however, one that really breaks my spirit is the word "CONFIDENCE." It's just a word I can't stand and it can, as silly as it sounds, ruin my day. The sound of it and how loosely people toss it around grills me. "Just be confident. To it with Confidence. Be Confident." I have an angry reaction to the word and I wish I didn't.

And it feels like my addiction uses those annoyances/pet peeves/hatreds to get me to smoke or take painkillers. Anytime I quit smoking my brain SCREAMS at me all these annoyances/pet peeves/hatreds...Basically my addiction voice tries to **** me off to the point where I smoke a cigarette. it's pretty interesting to look at when you're not caught up in the frustration of it all.

Furthermore, it does the same thing with painkillers. I broke my collarbone last month and have been on painkillers since... and I've been abusing them, taking more than per scribed. I have begun to feel dependent on them and notice the strategy my Addiction Voice uses when I quit cigarettes is popping up for painkillers.

My Question: How friggin common is this? Is this voice, the voice in your head that basically hates you and will bring up any and all painful thoughts and emotions so you use, common among addicts?

It's really disabling for me and wanted to see if anyone else has any thing to say about it.

Thanks

Terminally Unique

The Addictive Voice is very common. There is an entire thread devoted to a method designed specifically to defeat it.

Rational Recovery

freshstart57

Arn, you have eloquently described the tool I used to quit drinking. Keep on looking for and identifying that addictive voice. It's tricky one. It's almost, but not quite as smart as you, but the real kicker in your favour is that it is helpless and needs you to drink for it.

Kick that helpless voice to the curb.

soberlicious

Most definitely...and very cool that you've already identified the addictive voice. The AV doesn't "hate" you per se, but will use any means necessary to get what it wants. It's basically just doing it's "job", the job of getting high...but that's not your job or even your desire. TU's link will be very helpful for you. I am sorry you are going this. I've experienced that high level of irritability and over long periods it is so exhausting. I hope you can get some relief.

Boleo

If what you are describing is a resentment? They talk about it all the time in AA recovery.

If what you are describing is the Addictive voice? They talk about it all the time in AVRT recovery.

If what you are describing is delusional thinking? They talk about it all the time in Eastern Religion.

Threshold

when I first realized I was an addict, I was doing a lot of journaling and reading to learn about addiction, sobriety, recovery etc. And I came to understand that inside my head I have two "me"s. The sober me and the addict me, and the addict screams and throws tantrums and is all about drama and schemes and paranoia. The sober me gets pretty distracted by that other me. The sober me is telling me what it is I need to do, and the addict me is telling me what it is I need to do, and since the addict me is such a loud, obnoxious drama queen, it's hard for me to hear what the sober me is saying. And the addict me sometimes manages to convince me that, indeed, the sky is falling down.

I am learning to tune out the addict voice, and when I can't tune it out, recognize it for what it is, and listen for that other voice.

Some people call the sober voice their HP, or guardian angel.

I think it's the part of me that is grown up and competant and the addict me is the little overwhelmed kid who is terrified of everything, but most especially terrified of being left behind.

NYCDoglvr

Your addiction doesn't use anything, it just exists. My drug of choice was alcohol, others may pick drugs, food, shopping, whatever. You'll always be an addict but you don't have to use drugs or alcohol. It's a choice we make each day: today I won't drink.

Oh yea, more common than not. While drugs and alcohol make us high in the beginning our disease is progressive and these substances become depressants. The "voices" are on an antiquated computer (the mind). Garbage in, garbage out. When you get sober you learn how to change the voices. One big thing is getting self-esteem.

freshstart57

I think that an addict is someone who drinks / uses against their better judgement. If you can agree with me on that, then you must also agree that I am not an addict for the simple reason that I don't drink.

I think that the 'voices' come from the part of my brain that doesn't think, it just likes getting drunk. After I got sober, I didn't change the alcoholic or addictive voice. I just don't do what it says anymore.