NYCDoglvr

I can only speak from my own experiences. I finally understood that I had to get sober or die after I woke up in the ER strapped to a gurney. In a blackout I took a big bottle of Valium (to this day I have no recollection why). IF a friend who had the keys to my apartment hadn't wondered why I didn't answer my home and entered to find my unconscious I would have died.

So I walked into the door of AA full of fear. I never thought it was remotely possible for me to stop drinking (three/quarters of a magnum of wine daily for a decade) but it was clear all bets were off when I drank. I had what the Big Book calls "the gift of desperation".

I raised my hand in the first meeting and said I'm an alcoholic. People gathered around me offering help and I picked someone to be a sponsor. After that I took all suggestions: calling people every day, daily meetings, sitting in the front row of beginners meetings and sharing. I also cried constantly I was so miserable which people told me was withdraw. I was ashamed to be going to AA and I certainly didn't want to share or call strangers but when it's a life or death proposition I did these things.

I couldn't have gotten sober on my own and I admire people who can. Like other alcoholics, I'm an isolator and had to get out of my home (where 99% of my drinking took place). One of the biggest helps is going up to someone with less sobriety and asking how they felt, if they needed meetings.

In my opinion there is no "one size fits all" method of recovery. If I knew what I know today I would have gone to a rehab followed by a doctor specializing in addiction who could have given me one of the newer meds that cut down on a desire to drink. I would also have tried Cognitive Therapy which has proven to be a big help for those getting sober.

After 20 years I keep going to meetings because when I stop I revert to isolating and get pretty cranky. My emotional sobriety depends on it. And, it's important to give back by helping others who are newly sober.

I'm not pushing AA "a program for people who want it and not for those who need it but don't want it. It worked for me.

If the self-destructive person I was can get sober, anyone can.

Here's as few tips:

1. Get a sponsors you relate to, someone you can call when challenges arise or you're suddenly battling a craving for a drink.

2. Don't let references to God put you off. I'm an agnostic and got a like-minded sponsor who tailored the steps for this non-believer. I clung to what the Big Book said: "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You don't have to believe in anything, you should only want to be sober.

3. If you hate AA in the beginning (I had deep shame) it doesn't matter. Just give it 90 days.

4. If there are a lot of meetings where you live, go to those where you identify with people and there is a good level of sobriety.

5. It is willingness to go to any lengths to stay sober that that separates people who succeed at recovering and building a new life from those who stop coming.

6. Compare yourself to yourself instead of others (a very good tool for putting ourselves down).

SR is a WONDERFUL resource where you can get honest replies from others who have also followed in your path. It's a good place to vent, express doubts and get advice on how to handle just about any contingency.

Whatever route you take I wish you sobriety and joy which increases
the more time there is between you and a drink.

God bless!

suki44883

Just like anything else, you'll get out of it what you put into it. Congratulations!

soberlicious

Beautiful post. I love the fact that you share your experience, yet are open to others on different paths who also achieve the same outcome.

Would also like to note that IMO this is a common misconception among those in the fellowship.
Those who stop coming are not always back to drinking. Some stop coming for different reasons, and still enjoy a serene and alcohol free life.

Anyone who has stopped drinking and reclaimed their life from addiction has done so "by any means necessary", no matter their methodology.

Again thanks for sharing. It always makes me happy when people share how they came out of the darkness.

onlythetruth

I agree wholeheartedly with both sentiments. Of course, not everyone who "stops coming back" is drinking. That's a very common misconception, though! The thing I think we all have in common is commitment.

bellakeller

So glad you're alive! Thanks for sharing your story.

NYCDoglvr

I stand corrected. In fact I know three people with 20+ years who stopped going to meetings a decade ago and are quite happy with their lives. I can't do that ... when I cut back on meetings I get increasingly moody, cranky and self-centered. But if others can, good for them!

I guess what I was thinking is the people who relapse and say that it was because they stopped coming to meetings.

So, we're all different, do whatever works for you.

freshstart57

I went to three meetings in my first week of sobriety, and read the BB and 12 steps. I stopped going to meetings after that first week, and have completed one month sober with no end in sight.

As soberlicious says, congratulations to you on your sobriety. There are many paths to that state where we don't even think about alcohol much anymore.

Thanks for your share.

BackToSquareOne

What turns people off is when some members make the claim that those who can quit without AA aren't "real alcoholics". I think in a very real way it invalidates the struggles of those who quit in other ways.

onlythetruth

Yes, it is most annoying to hear AA members say that people who recover in other ways are "dry drunks" or not "real alcoholics". I don't find it invalidating, however. Nothing can invalidate my own experience.

chicory

NYCDoglvr,

Thanks for sharing your story. Congratulations to you, for taking the road of life.
hugs
chicory

LoftyIdeals

Thanks, NYCDL! Your post gives me great hope. I especially like #3. I am on day 47 of giving it 90 days, and my impressions have dramatically changed already. I am an AAer for life.

CaiHong

Thanks NYCdog,

A lot of what you said resonated with me, especially the bit about isolating and getting cranky. I need AA.

CaiHong

DayTrader

You're misinterpreting the word "real" in there. (or perhaps the ppl using it are uninformed and using it incorrectly themselves) It doesn't imply that there are "fake" or "psudo-alkies." The implication is that there are different TYPES of alkies and some are alkies whereas some are really alcoholic.......as in "of a different type" or as in "worse off" because they don't have the power anymore to "choose" to not drink. There isn't sufficient force behind that decision to just not drink anymore nor is there the ability to "just clean their life up" and be happy. For them, it's no more possible than it is for someone to choose to just not be allergic to pollen in the fall or to choose to be able to swim if they found themselves in the water after a boat tipped over.

......why anyone would be disappointed they're not as sick as someone else kinda makes me chuckle..........but that's another issue.

If someone is able to, on their own power and with their own abilities, not drink again and live a happy life - good for you. I, however, and many ppl like me in AA, couldn't make that work - thereby evidencing some sort of difference in type.

....and it's neither bad nor good......real nor fake.......just different, that's all.

Don't feel bad about it though, that "real" phrase pisses most ppl off for a while but we can eventually grow out of it. It took me a while too....

least

Gratitude!!