? to those recovering
 

I am the wife of an alocholic. whom has been trying to recover for say for a year. Would like an opinion or insight from your point of view.

Husband got 4th DUI in May 2010. Almost divorced him but couldn't because of 4 kids involved.

He quit drinking, rare occasion that I knew of in the first 10 months of NA beer drinking.
Has trying to do it on his own, has had no outside counseling except for what was court appointed.
Has not attempted (in my eyes) to repair our relationship, no suggestion of couseling, no serious conversations about our relationship. I also told him from the first couple of days of his recovery that I could not be a support to him in the beginning, nor did I want to be. (now I will admitt I have not tried either to open up communication, due to years of lies, stories, broken promises, you get the picture)

He drank 3 weeks ago, atleast 7 beers in 3 hours, did not see him to attempt to hold back.

I don't know but I don't think he had a drink for 2 weeks.
Then on a Friday night had 8 beers in 2 1/3 hours. Then following night at a family function had at least another 7 beers in a couple hours also.

I have NOT said or spoke a word to him about his drinks, should I of?

Is this the start of slipping back, or has he. Does the mind frame of an A, slip back that quickly will I see some of his hardwork slip back to that of an alcholic. Does that one drink bring back the symptoms of an A?

Hope that all makes sense. Please let me know your thoughts!

Welcome to SR! You will find a lot of support here. Do a lot of reading and posting. We're here to support you.

To be honest, it doesn't sound to me like your husband has any intention of quitting drinking. After 4 DUIs, it should be obvious that he doesn't learn lessons easily. The thing about it is, you cannot change him and if he wants to drink, he's going to drink. You don't have to live with it though. You have the right to raise your children in a non-alcoholic home and they will be much better off for it.

Have you considered attending al-anon meetings? You will receive great face-to-face support from others who are dealing with the same issues.

Again, welcome to SR. Hope you'll stick around and absorb the wisdom you will find here.

Hi, and welcome.

If he is drinking at all, he has not recovered, at least in the way that I understand recovery... I am AA.

Worry about you. Do what you need to be happy, in this life... What he does or doesn't do, well, you have no control.

Mystifying, isn't it?... for a man to p1ss away everything like that... Untreated, active alcoholism sux.... for everyone.

Not all Alcoholics follow the same pattern in recovery, so no one can answer your questions for sure.

For yourself, please check out AlAnon and I hope that your husband continues his recovery.

If you were talking about this alcoholic, sounds like a slow spiral down to the basement to me. You may have to put in a boundary about this, like if he doesn't espouse and actual Plan of recovery (like AA) then you will need to leave or whatever.

I think I'd be inclined to go to Al Anon. While I know very little about it, I do know that my wife went there for quite some time to learn how to deal with my drinking issues, and she says that she has greatly benefited from it. There's obviously no easy solution here, but unless your husband is abusive or if you're seriously feeling threatened in some manner, I tend to think it would be best to fully understand the situation before making a decision you may regret.

EDIT: Just upon thinking about this, from the way you describe your husband's actions, it most likely appears as though he does indeed have a drinking problem and that he is indeed an alcoholic. Most importantly, though, if he's generally a good man, and if he seriously wants to quit - this is an absolute MUST - I sincerely believe there really is hope for the two of you. But first, you'll need to fully educate yourself in how an alcoholic behaves before you'll fully have the capability to provide him with the kind of support he'll need from you. I just know that my wife hung in there for me, and I'm very thankful she did.