Perpetual

I realized today...or at least something has happened today to make me realize. I will for now, and always...be one of them. I am a them person. While I knew this logically, I am now in shock because it feels like someone is distancing themselves, while still offering support. Because I am a them.

I am stung and hurt, but now I wonder if this will happen often. Will I always be a them. I will never not be an alcoholic...

I believe this is only temporary, I hope. She needs time away to think and consider. Since I have become sober, we have become closer friends...but now...

Anyways I don't know what I am asking, or even who I am asking. I am trying to figure out if I have lost this person...arg...so much running through my head

I wanted to drink, holy crap this town is evil. I am walking past a local bar in Whistler and all my friends come running out. I can't even go by to go to the grocery store. I wanted that beer...it would feel better, for a split second. But I know the consequences...

anyways, didn't know where to put this...I needed to vent. Does it ever get to a point where people just see you as a normal person again.

I can't wait until AA tomorrow.

Dee74

I let a lot of people down in my drinking days. Sometimes I didn't even realise that til I sobered up.

It takes time to rebuild trust and respect from that - but it can be done...just focus on your recovery and let people see the change in you...they'll notice

I've never had anyone look down on me simply for being an alcoholic tho - generally people were glad to see me turn things around

D

least

I really let my kids down when I was drinking (they were teens at the time and I wasn't fooling them one bit). The other day one of them said to me, "not to bring it up again, but it's really nice to know that you're not drinking anymore." I said "but you don't live with me, how do you know?" She said, "I just know mom, I just know."

It shows in my face, my attitude. It just shows by how I live and talk and think and act. And she could see it. I've got a bit over a year now and boy did that make me feel good. At first I wanted everything to be 'good' again, I was impatient. I backed off of that idea and just lived one day at a time - sober - and sure enough, they trust me again and see me as a 'normal' person... well, not really 'normal' as I've always been an oddball, but you know what I mean.

So yes, stay sober a day at a time and do the next right thing and your life and relationships will get better.

newby1961

Some people still don't think I will make it and its been almost 7 years and sometimes I get really freaked out about that, and I cry and even throw tempertantrums. The bottom line is I was like a tornado in these people's lives for a lot more than 7 years. My old sponsor explained it to me like this, if you walk into the woods for 7 miles you have to walk back out. At first I was like WTF woods what does that have to do about anything? After thinking about that for several days even weeks I go it. So think about that and see if it works for you? Keep the Faith

MsCooterBrown

The old saying "Actions speak louder than words" comes to mind. I think you do have to sort of seperate from friends from the past, at least for awhile. You are surrounding yourself with support in sobriety with your AA group. In time..you will feel strong and the friends that were true friends will be there for you. I feel like I have lost quite a few people. But I had surrounded myself with drinkers because that was my lifestyle. Things change. People grow apart. But you are on the right path. Keep your chin up!!!

ReadyAndAble

Does it ever get to the point where people see you as a normal person? That's a hard question. I think the people who know I'm an alcoholic will always be aware of it, but I believe in time it won't be the first thing they think about me. Just another trait, like brown hair or green eyes. I know that's how I feel about some friends who have several years of sobriety.

As for me, I'm OK to be one of "them". I appreciate the simple things in life more than I ever did before. And I think my experiences have made me more compassionate toward others. Mostly I just thank god I finally accepted being one of them, instead of continuing to live my life in denial.

My relationships have changed since I started drinking, some for the better, some not. But I know with absolute certainty that the changes I'm going through will make me a better friend to the people who stay in my life, and to the new people who will inevitably come along.

Anna

Maybe it does.

I never told anyone other than my husband and kids what was going on, so I don't know how other people would have treated me. I didn't want to be judged, and I felt this was a personal journey, so I kept it to myself. I think my family sees me as 'normal' now, but of course it's not something that can be undone. I think that's why it's important to focus on the day and stay on course.

coffeenut

Those friends that are hanging out of bars making fools of themselves really don't have the world by the tail...and my bet is they're a little jealous that you have a grip on it.

Early sobriety is a roller coaster of every emotion possible. Be gentle with yourself.

LexieCat

Hang in there. It takes time to change, and for those around us to get accustomed to the changes. I know for a long time people at my office treated me like I was still the ditz I had become toward the end of my drinking. That is changing now. It's taken two and a half years, but I am regaining the respect of those I work with.

Hold your head up high. It is a courageous thing you are doing by getting sober. You won't get any medals for it (nor should you expect any), but inside you know you are doing the RIGHT THING, and that is, quite simply, priceless.

Babyblue

I never viewed my RABF as other than normal, with a serious problem. If someone is going to react or treat you differently, then perhaps it shows a limited compassion on their part.

As for your friend (because I am sort of in her position), the reason that I sometimes feel I need to pull back is because of the amount of emotional energy it takes in trying to 'be there' for him.

It can be very taxing on a non-drinker. Recovery is selfish work. It has to be but as the person caring about the one in recovery, that selfishness does take a toll because the ability to give back is limited.

Sometimes it just feels like a one way street of support in his direction.

She may just need some breathing space but she hasn't given up on you.

yoli

Time will heal a lot of things. As you become more and more solid, people will view you that way.

You will regain her trust and friendship if it is meant to be. For me, if she can't get over it in time/future, I would move on.

I'm trying to keep negatives out of my life. I don't even want to read the news at this time.

yeahgr8

People that i drank with see me as a different person because i am, they don't ask me to go for drinks anymore because they know i don't drink...if you change, they will change...if you do nothing but stop drinking then they will be waiting for you to rejoin them at the bar, thats perfectly normal and healthy behaviour on their part:-)