Tealvertigo

I'm sorry for making a lot of threads lately. I just lost my counselor (due to having to leave for college soon), and there are very few discussion boards specifically for compulsive spending.

I have conquered my substance addictions (almost), but an existing addiction- that of spending money compulsively- has existed and gotten worse in the course of four years. I have wracked up about $1000 in credit card debt, I have had several overdrafts to my bank account, and my mom has lost faith in me.

I feel there is no help for me, because I have tried to defeat this problem only to find myself going back to spending whenever problems arise. I also don't understand the possibility of a behavior-based addiction being curable, because it involves a type of counseling and work that I have tried to engage in over a long period of time with very little success. I can try to avoid spending, only to fail when I become stressed, depressed, or angry.

I fail to see any kind of escape, and I have contemplated suicide a lot because I don't see where I will ever live without having a bad habit to take me away from everything that sucks in reality. I don't want to face it, because I feel I faced it too much in my childhood through my alcoholic stepfather, narcissistic mother, bullying, and being involved in a lawsuit that I feel robbed me of my childhood.

At least with the drugs, I could get over the bad physical withdrawal and not want to use again due to the withdrawal. However, there is no withdrawal for a spending addiction- only anxiety.

I never tried to disappoint my family, or make them worry. I never wanted either of those things. I just did something that I thought was for my well-being, and it wasn't.

I don't know where to get help because I don't think it will work, I truly have faith that it would fail. I feel the only choice is to remove myself from the problem and everything else. It's terrifying even to me when I can't see a life past 25.

Help, please. I leave for school in three days, and I feel like a crisis will happen before then.

firestorm090

Hi Teal,

There is always hope as long as we're alive and able to make changes in how we live our lives. You've taken a huge step just by posting about this problem, which is a problem many people suffer from as well. At 25, you have years of life ahead and plenty of time, God willing, to work on this problem. Have you tried asking God for help? Have you spoken to others, a counselor or someone to help you with this problem? Have you explored all avenues of assistance that may exist for you? These are just suggestions, and i"m sure if you try and keep reaching out, someone will be able to help you, so hang tough and don't give up.

Tealvertigo

Thank you, I think I might have been overly dramatic in my post. But nevertheless, this is a big problem to me and I'm not sure how to address it. Thank you for your advice, meant alot.

Dee74

It seems to me compulsive spending is rather common Teal - and whatever your fears, people do conquer these kinds of problems, everyday.

I know now is a stressful time for you - when you're more settled @ college perhaps you can look for an appropriate counselling service?

I think you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by giving it a go.

D

Tealvertigo

Thanks, I came to the conclusion this morning that when I am on my own and only I can provide my means of survival, I will do better. I also think that with the aid of further counseling, it won't be so difficult.

Thanks for your support, guys.

littlefish

In addition to being an alcoholic, I am an impulse spender: it is another way of filling the emptiness. I filled it with liquor, and sometimes I still find myself shopping when I feel down or depressed.
I have heard of a program called debtors anonymous which is 12 step based.
Perhaps in addition to counseling, you could consider a program as well?
I used a counselor in early recovery, but I found it was also helpful to use a group program because I met other people. The interaction helped break my isolation.

Programs of various kinds, NA, AA, Minnesota method programs, smart recovery, etc....all generally help us look at the underlying problems of our addictions and "isms".

Since working the steps (the 12 steps of AA), now I often pause and ask myself why do I want to go on a shopping spree (?), what am I feeling at the moment when I have that impulse? I can call someone, I can use a tool to work through the emotion, and, the moment usually passes. I've gotten a lot better about recognizing that some things will trigger a compulsion to shop.
There is hope, you can work with this problem!

Ainslie

Hey teal

Im a compulsive spender too - im gathering from previous responses its not all that uncommon. I find it hard because although I can sustain my spending habits, (im not getting into debt), im not going to get anywhere financially. Ie ill be renting a house for the rest of my life, unlikely completing tertiary education etc... but man ive had some cool holidays and I own some awesome things! I get caught up in the whole 'live in the now' (spend everything you only live once) vs fiscal responsibility and therefore gain, which I was brought up to believe was what success was measured by.....some of the things I buy make me happy...and some of them I look at later and wonder what the hell I was thinking!!! I dont know, I should probably get some help for this also, thanks for bringing it to my attention, and I hope everything works out for you

CarolD

Have no credit cards or debit cards
Cancel PenPal.

Don't carry a check book....
or only use a savings account.
Set up your expenses so they are
auto-deducted from your account.

Short term solution but you can't shop for free.

Good to see you here again.

justjo

Hi Teal
Ill tell you something about myself. When I was about 25 or so I had a spending addiction too. At the time though I didnt realize it because I had the money to buy things. So I pat you on the back for realizing it for sure.
At 35 I was divorced and had no money as I had to raise 3 kids on my own with no one to help me. But I was still spending on credit cards and spent my last 2cents on my kids. Things they didnt even need because I still had to show everyone that we were doing fine.
Today, when I look back, I know I was spending because I didnt like myself and the release I got from buying something made me feel so much better. Kind of Valued, if you know what I mean. I now know that my past life has, did affect me and the way I dealt with things. Because I felt so ugly, worthless and not loved, this helped me get through the week.
I did eventually take a big giant step forward though and went back to school, (yes at 35) got a great job and starting liking me. I realized my childhood experiences or whatever wasnt my fault and that was just the way it was - end of story and I decided to get on with it. It was hard and took some time, but the spending stopped because I allowed myself to be set free from past issues I couldnt deal with.
You are still young and you can do it, think of the reasons you are spending, filling that void and fill it with nice things like going for a walk and smelling the grass as you pass it. These types of things are so much more rewarding. Funny thing now though, I dont spend money because I dont need things! Things are just simply that and when I go shopping now I ask myself If I really need that? so I wish you so much.

meditation

I think what's cured me of "retail therapy" is at some point I found I had no more room to put anything else I bought. I've spent all summer decluttering junk, organizing and I am happy to have space and zen and room now. I don't want more stuff to clutter it all up.
So when I pick up an object I really really really question whether I truly want it and where will I put it and usually I don't buy. Plus pulling down the habit to a thrift store level is more affordable or buying books used and selling them back.. I don't think it's terrible to shop when depressed, just keep an eye on the amount, and quantity. A taper plan here and then the long term consequence of where to put all the stuff down the road. UGH it's not pleasant parting with it all and cleaning it up.

I've rewarded myself for not spending money I don't have with getting a large ice tea at the gas station or something under 5 dollars once or twice a week tops.

BurningChrome

Hey Teal, I agree with Carol, and this is how I live my life now (even tho I have a high income and excellent credit score). First step is to cut ALL of your credit/debit cards into little pieces, and then celebrate! If you cannot pay for something in full, you DON'T buy it, simple as that. Despite how much you WANT something, it is most likely NOT needed for your survival, so ONLY pay cash for what you buy for the next year or so. If it is not needed for SURVIVAL, it is NOT needed. And if you cannot pay for it in full, then just walk away. Sounds so easy but I Know it is hard to do; but the First step is to remove all credit cards; If you pay the "minimum" on a credit card payment, it will take you longer to pay off that credit card debt than a 30 year house mortgage!! Think about it! Do NOT put your self in this no-win scenario!
Best of luck!
..Mike