Tealvertigo

For those of you who are recovering from the abuse of meth, cocaine, ritalin, or whatever else, I have a question for you. I seek your advice and wisdom.

First, a little explanation of what's going on with me.

I have been clean for three months now. I feel better physically, and my sleep patterns are regular at this point. My digestive problems have almost fixed themselves, and my mood is a bit more stable. However, I have been very unmotivated to do much of anything since I quit using Ritalin, and I am heartbroken over the fact that my artistic drive has plummeted almost completely.

I am completely depressed right now because I feel that I may never pick up a paint brush or a pencil again- or at least in the same way. Forcing myself to make art is pointless because the passion isn't there. It feels as if no matter what medication I will be prescribed, nothing will ever give me as much creativity as Ritalin.

I'm not saying I want to resume using. In fact, I don't want that at all.

What I am asking is this: have you recovering stimulant addicts ever struggled with depression over lost motivation or flare since you quit using? How do you handle this?

Any sort of support would help. Thanks.

Mark75

YES

Hi teal... you probably remember me. I am 2 years off a serious long term Ritalin addiction that spanned over several years.

I could write a very long post about this, but I have some other chores this AM, but I really wanted to respond to your question.

The first phase of coming off Ritalin was characterized mostly by just being bone tired... morning till night... but that faded fairly quickly after a few weeks... you are past that, at least you should be.... My energy levels with cycling, skiing, hiking... all that stuff... are still a little lower than they were while I was taking Ritalin... but my energy and physical capabilities, I think, are appropriate for my age and physical condition... so I am not complaining...

But the really hard part... and you know what I mean ... is getting back that ZEST, that Hi-Def view of the world, those feelings of rapture and creativity and insight and just the, well, that sublime feeling.... My experience with that is.... what I felt on the Ritalin is not the real world, but sometimes... oh!, how I wish it was... I don't think I am depressed (anymore) but just comparing the two states of mind... well, you know what mean... That's what makes stimulant addiction so damn tough... once I experienced that dopamine blast for the first time... well I had to have more of that!!.... I spent years chasing it...

I am not an artist, but I play guitar and harmonica and listen to lots of music... That experience for me is much more encouraging... I have more depth, patience and expressiveness... Using colors as an analogy... What was all garish day-glow colors... hot pinks, florescence... are now rich mahogany browns with all the shades that you would see in the natural world...

or like the movies... What was once "Avatar" is now "Out of Africa"...

Ritalin ended up costing me dearly and I would trade all of the good I experienced with it to have escaped the bad .... And when I think of how bad my fall could have been... well, I shudder, and thank God that He got my attention when He did!!

I had to put one foot in front of the other and just "do" the things I liked to do, even if I had lost, temporarily, that drive, motivation, to do so.... And also, I am a distractible sort of guy and I lost that laser beam of focus I had on Ritalin... and that, well, I just deal with it... try to plan my day better, try to stay organized... here it is definitely progress... not perfection

Other thoughts....

Skiing, initially, for me, had lost that intense sense of risk taking excitement... now, I am gratified by all that I've learned on skis and I just love to explore, take a steep now and then, do a woods shot... and go back and do it all again... or ride the bike through a blue ski spring day and smell the pines rather than see how high I can get my pulse and how quickly I can finish the ride... or sit at a campfire on the river's bank and be grateful to be surrounded by family and friends rather than feeling sorry for myself because I don't have my pills and booze... In other words... enjoy the same things that non-addicted people do and appreciate it just for the opportunity to do so...

Teal... I try not to give advice, just share my experience. But I'd like to say this to you... Please, have faith, in yourself, God, whatever... have faith that you are right where you are supposed be, right now... and that it will get better... Walk the walk... and have faith that your life has many awesome moments in store for you... be there for them!!

Mark

P.S..... If you need to, maybe see a doctor... antidepressants may help if you are depressed enough. Do whatever it takes.

Freedom1990

I was an IV methamphetamine user.

This might help you to understand where the depression is coming from. Your dopamine has been obliterated. It takes months and month for the brain to recuperate:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...eelee5675.html

I will also add that several years into recovery I was diagnosed with clinical depression, and have been on antidepressants ever since. It runs in the family.

It's not uncommon to find addiction and mental illness coexisting.

If your depression doesn't lift, please find a qualified psychiatrist who is versed in addiction, and have an evaluation done.

Desert2trees

Hey Teal

I am off Meth now for over six months. I too am still having trouble motivating to do my art - mostly my fiber arts (knitting, crocheting, spinning yarn). I know it will come back eventually - I had 15 years clean before my relapse last year. Its just a matter of time, and its true - your dopamine must replenish itself.... it takes awhile. Yes, it bums me out.

The good news is.... when I can start working on my art again (I have a little) I will be FINISHING projects. I started lots of them when I was using - that are still waiting to be finished.

It does get better, but patience is the only thing there is to get you through the time in between, when your system is recovering. One thing that helps is getting really good quality sleep. The Delta level sleep is where the body replenishes Dopamine... if you have to - take Melatonin - to make sure you get the deep sleep required to heal your brain chemistry... its an amino acid (natural product) and works really well.

Lizrox

I am only about a month off of mega doses of Adderall. I find I don't want to do anything except sit in the house. I have no social life right now, no hobbies, no job.

My new pdoc says it should take 3-6mos to get your brain chemicals "back on track"

I hope he is right.

Good Luck

Tealvertigo

I want to thank you so much for this response. I want to read it and I intend to, but at this point, I plan on doing so tomorrow since I had a long day of college registration and orientations and am exhausted. I am not sure if I could really absorb it like I could with a night of sleep. Thanks again; I'll cherish it tomorrow morning and let you know what I think.

fdsajkll

I hate how you get diagnosed with ADHD they put you on these pills and now I can't get off. I've just quit booze but have been towing with getting rid of my ritalin. I do have ADHD and the medicine helps me but at times without it I can't get out of bed. I feel it has now become an addiction and my ADHD is worse. Without the medicine i have a lot of obsessive compulsive behaviors and i guess it does help me feel happier. But at what cost.

I guess I am just really angry that although they tell you the risks, the prescribe us over the counter speed so casually but how do you stop? More meds? an AD

lord help me.

Mark75

There are non pharmaceutical ways to deal with ADHD.

Yea, the best medication happens to be one of the most addictive substances on the planet. Weigh your options, the benefits and risks. Be very honest and open with your doctor.

Welcome to SR

MrBBB

I am also a recovering alcoholic and have just been diagnosed with ADHD. I have been doing a lot of research about it lately and I know they also have non-stimulant medications for ADHD. My psychologist is going to refer me to a psychiatrist to figure out some medication options, and she doesn't think I should go on the stimulant types of medication. I also have anxiety disorders, so that might complicate things as well.