I have been read like a book.
Adjusting my Sails
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
I have been read like a book.
Interesting....that was the problem....now it is the solution
You have heard about people like me....you may be just like me.....he wears his heart on his sleeve.....ugh....
Try....he wears his heart from his head down to his toes......so obvious. That is why I loved alcohol so much. People could read me. They could see right through me. I hated it. I thought alcohol made it so they couldn't read me anymore but the truth is it made it so I couldn't tell or care anymore.
So there is this guy today.....all these years later.....I avoid people as much as I can but the truth is I love this guy. He works where I do but on a different shift now so I don't see him often. I transferred to a department where I am alone almost the whole time I am at work. So this guy....I haven't seen him in a few weeks. Actually I think it was around Christmas......He took one look at me and he read me like a book.
He knew I was in trouble.....I could see it in his eyes but he was kind enough not to say more then......"you haven't had a haircut in a while"....ugh.
After a few laughs he told me about a co-worker....just died at the age of forty.....It took everything I had to not show my feelings with all those people around.....but he read right through me. I didn't have much else to say but when I said "later bro" or some dumb thing like that.....he gave me a hug.
I used to hate life because people could read me, I used to avoid people that could read me. Now I love people that can read me. I just found that out. I think that has something to do with sobriety....that I may be starting to like who I am.
I drank to hide. I drank because I didn't want people to know who I thought I was.
Whatever life is or isn't. I just like that another person can read me like a book.
Recovery?
You have heard about people like me....you may be just like me.....he wears his heart on his sleeve.....ugh....
Try....he wears his heart from his head down to his toes......so obvious. That is why I loved alcohol so much. People could read me. They could see right through me. I hated it. I thought alcohol made it so they couldn't read me anymore but the truth is it made it so I couldn't tell or care anymore.
So there is this guy today.....all these years later.....I avoid people as much as I can but the truth is I love this guy. He works where I do but on a different shift now so I don't see him often. I transferred to a department where I am alone almost the whole time I am at work. So this guy....I haven't seen him in a few weeks. Actually I think it was around Christmas......He took one look at me and he read me like a book.
He knew I was in trouble.....I could see it in his eyes but he was kind enough not to say more then......"you haven't had a haircut in a while"....ugh.
After a few laughs he told me about a co-worker....just died at the age of forty.....It took everything I had to not show my feelings with all those people around.....but he read right through me. I didn't have much else to say but when I said "later bro" or some dumb thing like that.....he gave me a hug.
I used to hate life because people could read me, I used to avoid people that could read me. Now I love people that can read me. I just found that out. I think that has something to do with sobriety....that I may be starting to like who I am.
I drank to hide. I drank because I didn't want people to know who I thought I was.
Whatever life is or isn't. I just like that another person can read me like a book.
Recovery?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,030
Sounds like recovery to me.
For years I've shunned stag meetings. I've never thought of myself as homophobic and I never want to be that way, but I felt it would be weak and weird to sit in a roomful of men, crying and sharing openly.
What's really weak and weird is that kind of idiotic thinking.
I've been going to Christian recovery meetings for two months, it's a group I tried going to in early sobriety but back then I couldn't identify. We have seperate groups for men and women. When I walk into that room I'm given a hug, in fact we all hug each other as more arrive for the meeting.
And last week as I was leaving this one guy says something like "hey I love ya brother" and while my initial reaction was...:wtf2....I knew that he could read me, and I needed to hear those words from another brother in recovery.
Great post Larry, you're making great progress in your recovery.
For years I've shunned stag meetings. I've never thought of myself as homophobic and I never want to be that way, but I felt it would be weak and weird to sit in a roomful of men, crying and sharing openly.
What's really weak and weird is that kind of idiotic thinking.
I've been going to Christian recovery meetings for two months, it's a group I tried going to in early sobriety but back then I couldn't identify. We have seperate groups for men and women. When I walk into that room I'm given a hug, in fact we all hug each other as more arrive for the meeting.
And last week as I was leaving this one guy says something like "hey I love ya brother" and while my initial reaction was...:wtf2....I knew that he could read me, and I needed to hear those words from another brother in recovery.
Great post Larry, you're making great progress in your recovery.
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