Theresa

...before it sets you free (hopefully)

Have any of you found that when you truly accepted the truth about your alcoholism that you then opened the door to other aspects of your life that needed to be addressed?

We talk about our lives being unmanageable, but I don't quite mean that. I mean getting sober and realizing other big, big things in your life need to change?

For me it is my job. And leaving my job means selling my house and moving away. (I'm in a field with few positions, and I wouldn't want to stay in town any longer anyway after I left my current job.)

Acknowledging this needed change makes me cry; I know lots of people are looking for work and I am no different. But I am so sad about this--this house is where I raised my kids. It's the only home/house I ever really had. I guess my moving will mark the end of the most important part of my life--being a mom. I'm still a mom, but my kids are off now. I guess I am just scared, and sad.

I don't have any desire to drink. And I know I will feel better when I get these tears out. (lol), so thanks for letting me shed them with/on you.

Being sober can open a can of worms (mixed metaphor), can't it?

Mattcake

I really feel for you, Theresa. Yeah, addiction sure is a distraction. I think that addiction is, among other things, a failed attempt to ignore change. Feel sad, scared, angry... just flow with your feelings, they are honest and healthy. Everything changes, whether we like it or not. Yet nothing is ever lost. IME believing in that is a great source of comfort.

Iriss

Hi, I really felt your post... I'm a mum of two pre-teenage girls, and it certainly is the most precious thing to me..As we all know, change is the law of life, but im sure adapting to it is not too easy... I hope you find a way to adapt quickly, and im sure as this door is closing in your life, a new phase is opening, added with your sobriety I'm sure you will find joy here again..x Take care

Missybuns

heartfelt and so real.

and then this... what a beautiful end to that post

The sadness will lift and then there will be joy,
Missy
P.S. after I entered this reply I noticed Iriss mentioned joy also...gave me a warm fuzzy. ((Theresa)) ((Iriss))

Theresa

Thanks to all of you for responding.

Mattcake, I really like your description of drinking as a failed attempt to ignore change. That is really it, isn't it? Change is/has occurred and accepting it can so difficult we tried to hide.

Today was so much a better day, though, for admitting all of this. I felt a motivation to move along with a major project I need to complete to move forward with my life, and I simply wouldn't allow myself to be pulled down by the negative people that are nudging me to move on: I truly enjoy what I do, just not who I have been doing it with, and this can change if I make and stick to a long term plan to move on.

Iriss, just enjoy every minute with your girls--especially when they get to the 16+ years and life is so, so hard for them. Though my daughter and I shared some tough moments, I/we knew in our hearts that we were in this together and for good. We remain close.

It is joyful to not drink and just breathe in life, isn't it, MissyBuns. Again, so far so good on not having a desire to drink.

Bless you all.

Wolfchild

Very much yes!! i have been finding many things that became lost to me during active addiction. i'm able to care and be concerned about my own life more and more each passing day.

i experience a wider range of emotions as my life continues to more centered in spiritual principles. These values seem to enhance my emotions naturally. i continue to give myself more freedom to feel what i am feeling rather than terming them "right" or "wrong" feelings. This is the way of life that i was always searching for, but never quite finding, until i stopped using and started living.

Thank you so much for sharing what you are going through. It has helped to deepen my understanding that it's better to be me than to try to be anyone else. i hope everything that happens will be a blessing to you!

Theresa

Thanks Wolfchild. I am amazed at my spiritual growth during this time as well, which has been a wonderful gift in helping me to get past some hurtful behavior of others. More importantly, I'm becoming more and more aware of the harmful behaviors I was participating in that had nothing to do with alcohol: gossip, carelessness, not living up to my full potential, and failing to focus on what is important.

This is such an amazing journey to be on.

For the last year, I have stopped drinking for weeks up to a month at a time, but during these times, I didn't have the same commitment to not drinking again, obviously. And during this time, I didn't have the spiritual support that somehow I seem to be steadied with these days. Something happened when I committed to a sobriety date of Feb. 14 that put these forces into place.

And your post is one of those blessings!

Mattcake

Theresa, I think it's really important to realize that, though everything changes constantly, nothing is ever lost for good. It's a paradox and counter-intuitive, but I really believe in that. When I feel overwhelmed by nonstop change, I find that knowing deep down that the stuff that *really* matters is still within me... that is what makes all the difference. Like bittersweet and worthwhile.

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better

Theresa

thanks so much, Mattcake. You are right, what really matters is still within me. And I think I have neglected this part of me for a long time. I like that: bittersweet and worthwhile. That line will keep me strong tomorrow!

Kelly927

Theresa...I think the gist of your posting is what has subconsciously led me down the path I'm on (addiction to painkillers). While I never outwardly intended to become addicted, I believe the pills have been masking some things in my life I haven't wanted to deal with...and it seems impossible that my brain did not know this on some level.

Interesting post, thank you for the thoughts and I'm sending happy thoughts your way! Best wishes in deciding which direction you will take from here.