debs4321

You know, a funny but uncomfortable thing happened the other day.

A friend touch on a part of me that I totally felt no one ever noticed in me.

He is very dear to me and we spend alot of time together. He is Aware.

When I was little, people use to make fun of certain features of my body. It hurt alot so I would cover areas up as a mean to hide.

When I was drinking and using for years I never even thought of it. Never gave a rats butt what people thought. Alcohol and drugs gave me a sense of unconscienceness (did I spell that right LOL).


SInce I have been sober...life hasnt been easy, but very rewarding. What I mean, learning to accept myself as a beautiful person, one of God's children.
It has been a long road, but every day I get up and look in the mirror and see what God has created. I thought I was a peace with it.


The other day this friend of mine and I were talking. I told him of wanting to change this feature oneday. And he said "I notice you have issues with it because you are always covering it up."

Man, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I never realized this. I never even notice my trying to hide behind myself.

It made me feel very uncomfortable, that he noticed something that I didnt.

I told him I was feeling uncomfortable. And in turn thanked him for it.

I now realize that I dont need to hide behind a mask. Because it is possible for me to still do even though I am sober. And know that I will be ok.
I guess that I need to address this for what its worth and move on.
People accept me for who I am, so I need to return the favor and do the same. Accept myself today.


Being uncomfortable is part of recovery. And I am gratedul for it.

Not sure if any of this makes any sense, LOL

gravity

Your post makes complete sense to me. There are certain things about me that make me uncomfortable – physical characteristics, aspects of my personality. I did try to cover up some of this discomfort by drinking – didn’t work too well!

I honestly expected that not drinking and working the AA program would result in me being completely at ease and fully comfortable in my own skin. And for the most part, it has.

What is left is what I have to accept. I am a better person. I am more at peace. I am enjoying life. I am sober. But I still don’t like certain physical characteristics and personality traits. Guess what? I’m human - I will never be perfect. I can’t fight this - I just have to accept it. Such peace comes with this acceptance.

Considering that other option, I’ll take sobriety with a little discomfort every now & then. I am grateful for it all.

Ananda

I can relate. I have scars both physical and emotional that others see quite easily. As others are accepting me as I am, I am learning to accept myself as well.

And the funny thing is I never am so aware of others scars as I think they will be of mine. I don't find other people's scars distasteful...I'm not sure why it seems like mine glare...but they are becoming just a part of me that is and not something I have to focus on anymore.

RobbyRobot

hi debs,

i can relate to this. as a polio survivor physically i'm kinda in a spotlight when in the public eye, and although one does get use to it, its always a surprise when i actually spend some awareness on just how i'm seen or looked at from strangers and what not. most of course could not care less as is proper, but theres usually some that i have to ignore, or smile at, or even stare back at to break the tension in the air. heh heh

i've grown up with it so its most definitely part of my personality on how i do or don't react. and i have to admitt, i have had my fun with it, sometimes freaking people out or whatever. course, i have matured [LOL] and i'm not as likely to play people on it. anymore. mostly. heh.

anyways, debs you're making perfect sense! and that big LOL as your last word in your post, is soooo cool that! so when ever things mebbe get a bit down on this issue, and you feel the need to wear that mask -- well don't do it; just remember that RobbyRobot is laughing right along with you, and we don't need no masks! hahahaha

you're awesome and have a great time doing everything that you do!

RR

debs4321

WOW, thank you RR.

I am a happy person. This program has taught me how to be a grateful person. One that doesnt have to hide anymore. It has taught me the courage and confidence to the point I no longer have to stare at the ground. I can look at people in the eye and not be ashamed of myself. That in its self is a blessing.

I once was a lost child, wandering the earth, looking for some acceptance.

Just any acceptance...................I found this program and the people accepted me for who I am. They loved me enough till I could love myself. And acceptance of myself is a work in progress.

I had a friend tell me onetime..........."Learn to accept the characteristics, they are not faults, they are your own signature. ANd when you finally can come to terms and accept them, you can then choose weather or not you want to change them. Your perspective might change as well."
So, I will continue to learn to love myself, and one day I will come to a decision "I" can live with.