Am I catching an AA resentment?
 

Hi. I've been in recovery for 6 months now and this time I've actually starting doing the necessary work to get clean. Although, lately I feel like I'm getting a resentment against AA. Here is why.

I don't like that people are sometimes pushed away because of drug addiction that come into AA. Alcohol is a drug. Why isn't it? Because its Legal? Marijuana is legal in the Netherlands so does that make it not a drug? Or is it because its a liquid? GHB is a liquid so is that not a drug? It just doesn't make sense to me. I feel its more based on ignorance and they have to support the common welfare of the group but its hurting a new generation coming into AA (like myself)

I feel like AA instills Guilt into people, like putting so much emphasis on time and people start to compete who has a better concept of God or How different there concept is. I feel like I've been getting pulled into the ******** of AA, instead of supporting the reason why we are there in the first place.

For example. I don't agree with smoking Marijuana in recovery because I believe it can take you to a dangerous place like a relapse on Alcohol or harder drugs. But at the same time, I feel like if someone in recovery did, they would have it built up in there head that they are a failure, they've lost all the time, they've lost all there spirituality, and in reality they really haven't lost anything yet. Maybe they are on there way there if they feel the need to use a mind altering substance in the first place but they should feel comfortable to come back and say "Listen, I smoked, and I need help finding out why" I've seen so many people push themselves away from the program because of that. I've seen people push themselves away from the program because they were only going to 2 meetings a week and felt like they were going to be criticized. I don't know, maybe its just me.

I feel like "why should I be posting if I have a handle on stopping alcohol". I can't seem to get past it. I made it to eleven days and lost it. No excuse, just lost it. I'm a loser and feel like giving up. Am afraid of what I'll face when I wake up tomorrow. I'm scared to death of the first day (again) 0f withdrawal. I barely made it last time past the first two days. I'm afraid I won't be able to get past the horrible first two days... cause I slipped on my elenenthe day...

Well, I've been around the halls of AA for 21+ years now, and that certainly hasn't been my experience :)

I have seen a lot of people get sober in a whole lot of different programs.

Find one that works best for you....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

Some programs are more rigid than others, some people are more rigid than others too.

Every program has something for someone, seek out the positives, look for those who have something to share in regards to sobriety and recovery....these people have "real recovery".....and that is what we all want.

Seren

Seren offers some wonderful advice here. I am in total agreement with her. Personally my experience with AA is completely different from yours. If you are finding AA might not be the program for you, check out the link in Seren's post, lots of different programs as there are lots of different people in the world.

A person comes to me that is addicted to drugs...other then alcohol, I can only share from my own experiences. I would not push them away. I would try my best to help them but would try to guide them to NA as well.
Those who have had more experience with drugs ...other then alcohol, would be able to help them a whole lot more then me.

Are people being pushed away or are they being guided to a better resource?

Sostney, I relate to your post 100%. The "my sobriety date is better" is what I hate the most. I can't seem to get past it and probably need to find another program.

In my home group - and any other group I have ever gone to, the only time we talk about clean date/clean time is when there's a celebration. It doesn't bug me - I find it hugely inspiring and I'm so happy that people have found recovery. I think if one does not want to give oneself 100% to the program (and it works if you work it! :)) then of course there are thousands of excuses not to get into it. kept me sober and happy. there are other recovery programs, but check yoru motives first - is the intention to wrangle out of sobriety or is it to actually find a program that fits and WORK it - work being the operative word.

Remembering, in early sobriety, often our thoughts are quite muddled and we project/experience things in the negative which might be quite positive - i.e. leading a drug user to NA...that's not rejecting them at all. No one I know who uses drugs doesn't use NA as well as AA or just NA.

Cathy31
x

On the length of clean/sober time thing, here is what my sponsor said to me when he received his thirty year A.A. token at my Friday meeting:

"You want one of these? OK, here is what you do. Don't drink and don't die."

More frequently, he is heard to say:

"Keep coming back and we'll teach you a better way to live."

Geez, I was not fond of that the first times I heard him say it. After all, I was there to get sober not remake my entire life to match someone else's expectations. I have come to see that for me the better way to live starts with sobriety and branches out in all directions. The people in the programs (I am a member of both A.A. and N.A.) who have what I want spend no time playing "my God can beat up your God" or trying to bring others to see things exactly their way through intimidation or brow beating. Not that I haven't encountered a few of those types, it's just that they don't have what I want, so I don't do what they do.

As someone who has caught many a resentment against people in AA, I would say this has not been my experience. I would advise to keep looking for other meetings and another group.

A man with 50+ years came and spoke at our group last week. He said, "it doesn't matter a bit how far away from my last drink I am; all that matters is how far away I am from my next one."

And I have found that the minority of people who bray, thump, and preach the loudest have been people with a history of relapse (my observation). So I listen even harder even though my pride and will gets all puffed up when they start on their tirades directed against no one in particular (or maybe themselves).

it's easy to catch a resentment. it's harder to realize WHY you're catching it - what your part in the resentment is.

what i know about myself is that when i get resentful of someone or something, it's usually because that someone/something hits a little too close to home for me. there are very few things that bother me unless i recognize them as behavior i used to participate it. for example: there's a girl in the rooms here who shares for at least 10 minutes about her experience, etc. every time she gets the chance. i resent that fully, but i resent it mostly because i can see myself doing that, or i am afraid that i come across that way to others.

that might not be the case here. at any rate, i would encourage you to talk with someone close with you (sponsor, friend) about what's going on and maybe inventory it. resentments are the number 1 offender, y'know?

I have had a lot of resentments going to AA. I expected to be welcomed with open arms by EVERYONE but I found that wasn't the case. As an alcoholic resentments are a huge problem for me and when I become resentful I usually end up drinking again. Why don't you try out some other meetings? Look around until you find one that you feel comfortable with? Good luck.

Wel....
I just went back and read your earlier post
After doing that ....
IMO ..... NA would be a better program for you.

I noticed your sponsor is all AA.
That too might need to be changed.

Well done on your clean time...:)

Hi least....
I replied to you on your thread in Newcomers....
as did other SR members.

Please check there ...you too can recover!
:)

It really sounds like you're looking for an excuse to opt out of the program. I would just resign from the debating society and look at the good that the program has to offer you. As other have stated, you can look at NA, but my experience is that many NA'ers come back to AA because the spiritual aspect is stronger.

Tiburon,

Didn't you get into a bit of trouble lately at a casino after using? And you think that the "my sobriety is better than yours" stuff is a reason to leave AA? For the time being, I would stop being a critic and would focus instead on becoming a better pupil. :c004:

I'm fairly new in my recovery and have found that after trying out about 10 different meetings, there are 2 that really feel right to me. One is definately my home meeting and the other is a very good place to go and feel supported and hear others stories. I get inspired and moved every time. My point is just that some meetings are going to work for you in powerful ways if you let them and others might not be a good fit. It might be as simple as that. It was for me.

I do think that others could be onto something, however, about how strong your resentments are and what you might learn from looking closly at that.

Hang in there!

For anyone interested ...we do have an active thread
on sharing about drug use in AA meetings.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-step-support/


FYI ...:)

Thank you all for your responses, and since I've posted that I started to consider why I had a resentment. As a reply posted earlier

"for example: there's a girl in the rooms here who shares for at least 10 minutes about her experience, etc. every time she gets the chance. i resent that fully, but i resent it mostly because i can see myself doing that, or i am afraid that i come across that way to others."

I relate to that for a couple different reasons. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to prove my recovery and I think I blame other people saying thats how other people in AA make you feel. Then I realized that I am on a 4th step with a new sponsor, and that not all people are like that, I'm just focusing on the people that are like that. Also I have a friend whose theory of recovery isn't necessarily a positive one. I go to a lot of meetings with him and I feel like it reflects my recovery and that I feel the need to defend him to some extent. I spent so much time complaining that it was AA in my area since I had a different experience when I was in PA, but I was also in a much different place in my recovery when I was in PA. What I posted earlier about who Alcohol is a drug and should be treated like a drug. Tonight I realized why there is two fellowships. People need to identify to there experience and the common welfare of the group is more important. I think I just need to have a more positive attitude and remember how I got into recovery in the first place. I sure as hell didn't have any resentments when I walked in the door, I was just grateful that I wasn't where I just was. A gratitude list! A Higher power, the 12 steps, and a positive attitude would probably work to my advantage.

it is an attention thing. AA people can't stand to hear someone who did drugs. Even tho half of them have... they like to admit to only one underlining problem and shun the rest. They force the serenity prayer down your throat and then say believe in the god of your understanding??? I really dislike aa for this reason as well. **** the time you have sober...Are you sober today?

I will prolly get a message from the forum leader saying I BANNED YOUR MESSAGE. but you know what? As people die from drugs,alchohol and guns. I hope u think you helped god fix a few people that u approoved of. Thanks for posting cause I was just about to get back into aa full steam and am glad I didn't cause I smoked pot too. All you loosers that talk crap cause you only drank and can't stand druggies are just hypocrites that need attention .

go chain smoke and point your finger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111