Dry vs. Recovery?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toronto
Posts: 138
Dry vs. Recovery?
Hi,
I was wondering if anyone could share their experiences with me regarding my question of Dry vs Recovery. I think I know what a dry person looks like and I am told that I will know what the difference is when he is truly in recovery.
I would like to know what to look for as evidence of true recovery.
Thanks in advance!
I was wondering if anyone could share their experiences with me regarding my question of Dry vs Recovery. I think I know what a dry person looks like and I am told that I will know what the difference is when he is truly in recovery.
I would like to know what to look for as evidence of true recovery.
Thanks in advance!
Live, Laugh, Love
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
Hi and welcome! Very good question. My exboyfriend was the alcoholic in my life. I can tell you a little regarding my experience with him being dry as opposed to truly recovering.
He quit drinking last Christmas, he started going to AA, joined a group, and got a sponsor. He went on commitments and seemed to be working a program BUT seemed to be going through the motions, everyday the same, never happy or possitive. He never changed his people, places or things. He was still hanging out with his drinking buddies, he was drinking O'douls and not grasping to recovery like so many here and people i personally know. By May he was miserable, depressed and never wanted to seek further help.
Basically with my ex, you took away the booze and he was the same way as when he was actively drinking, only worse in my opinion. He was angry, bitter and hated the world. Now my best friend has been sober over a year, same timeframe as my ex and she LOVES life and is so glad she has been given a second chance to make her life so much better. She attends meetings, made her amends and lives a healthy and honest life now. My ex is STILL miserable and who knows what will end up happening.
I know other great friends will be along to let you know as i was on the other end of this spectrum. Keep posting and read the stickies at the tops of the forum.
take care,
He quit drinking last Christmas, he started going to AA, joined a group, and got a sponsor. He went on commitments and seemed to be working a program BUT seemed to be going through the motions, everyday the same, never happy or possitive. He never changed his people, places or things. He was still hanging out with his drinking buddies, he was drinking O'douls and not grasping to recovery like so many here and people i personally know. By May he was miserable, depressed and never wanted to seek further help.
Basically with my ex, you took away the booze and he was the same way as when he was actively drinking, only worse in my opinion. He was angry, bitter and hated the world. Now my best friend has been sober over a year, same timeframe as my ex and she LOVES life and is so glad she has been given a second chance to make her life so much better. She attends meetings, made her amends and lives a healthy and honest life now. My ex is STILL miserable and who knows what will end up happening.
I know other great friends will be along to let you know as i was on the other end of this spectrum. Keep posting and read the stickies at the tops of the forum.
take care,
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Dry vs. recovery. That one can sometimes be difficult to decipher. Truthfully the only person who truly knows is the person themselves. Here is my experience with the two, hope it makes some sense.
I tried many times to stop drinking before I found AA. During those periods I still experience the craving/obsession with alcohol. I never let go of my anger, frustration, self pity, and resentments. I stayed miserable inside. That is what I consider dry.......because although I had stopped drinking I was still thirsty.
Since finding AA: I have lost the obsession/craving for alcohol...in fact I rarely think about alcohol and when I do it isn't because I have any desire for it. I no longer hold onto anger, resentment, fear, frustration, self-pity....when I feel these emotions I have the tools to deal with them and move on. I am comfortable in my own skin. I am no longer thirsty. The hole inside if filled and I have the tools to live a productive, happy life.
The problem with being on the outside looking in trying to decipher if someone is dry or recovering is that one of the traits of an addict/alcoholic is manipulation. They can be wonderful actors/actresses. So unless you are in their shoes you don't know if what they are presenting is what is truly going on inside or not. I have met many dry drunks that are in the program of AA. They can talk the talk but don't have a clue how to apply the tools to walk the walk and continue to be miserable. I have also met people who did not utilize the program of AA to get sober and yet still have found tools to walk the walk of recovery and not be miserable inside.
The best way I have found to decipher if someone is dry or recovering is to listen to them carefully, when they speak do they speak of how they apply the tools of sobriety to every aspect of their lives or are they just able to throw out quotes from a book. The people I know that are recovering apply the steps and principles in all of their lives, not just AA. If they are faced with a problem at work or home they apply the Steps to it and resolve it that way. They are the people I consider to be recovering. But once again it is a hard thing to decipher. I have been fooled. But I have also gained a strong support group of people who are recovering.
Hope this makes a little sense to you.
I tried many times to stop drinking before I found AA. During those periods I still experience the craving/obsession with alcohol. I never let go of my anger, frustration, self pity, and resentments. I stayed miserable inside. That is what I consider dry.......because although I had stopped drinking I was still thirsty.
Since finding AA: I have lost the obsession/craving for alcohol...in fact I rarely think about alcohol and when I do it isn't because I have any desire for it. I no longer hold onto anger, resentment, fear, frustration, self-pity....when I feel these emotions I have the tools to deal with them and move on. I am comfortable in my own skin. I am no longer thirsty. The hole inside if filled and I have the tools to live a productive, happy life.
The problem with being on the outside looking in trying to decipher if someone is dry or recovering is that one of the traits of an addict/alcoholic is manipulation. They can be wonderful actors/actresses. So unless you are in their shoes you don't know if what they are presenting is what is truly going on inside or not. I have met many dry drunks that are in the program of AA. They can talk the talk but don't have a clue how to apply the tools to walk the walk and continue to be miserable. I have also met people who did not utilize the program of AA to get sober and yet still have found tools to walk the walk of recovery and not be miserable inside.
The best way I have found to decipher if someone is dry or recovering is to listen to them carefully, when they speak do they speak of how they apply the tools of sobriety to every aspect of their lives or are they just able to throw out quotes from a book. The people I know that are recovering apply the steps and principles in all of their lives, not just AA. If they are faced with a problem at work or home they apply the Steps to it and resolve it that way. They are the people I consider to be recovering. But once again it is a hard thing to decipher. I have been fooled. But I have also gained a strong support group of people who are recovering.
Hope this makes a little sense to you.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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good topic.
I'm not in AA but I was lucky enough to realise recovery involved a lot more than not drinking...
I consider myself to be recovering and not merely dry because I consider not drinking not as my end goal, merely a step (although a fundamental one) in regaining my life
D
I'm not in AA but I was lucky enough to realise recovery involved a lot more than not drinking...
I consider myself to be recovering and not merely dry because I consider not drinking not as my end goal, merely a step (although a fundamental one) in regaining my life
D
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toronto
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So, based on what I am reading, I should notice sincere changes that do not include blame, bitterness, resentment, isolation and a need to make me (the spouse) the new addiction. He should appear happy regardless of whether I am in his life or not.
Question: Is it possible to be in recovery on SSRI's (Anti Depressants)?
Question: Is it possible to be in recovery on SSRI's (Anti Depressants)?
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
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Originally Posted by CoDeependentMe 
Question: Is it possible to be in recovery on SSRI's (Anti Depressants)?
Just my few cents worth.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
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Originally Posted by CoDeependentMe
So, based on what I am reading, I should notice sincere changes that do not include blame, bitterness, resentment, isolation and a need to make me (the spouse) the new addiction. He should appear happy regardless of whether I am in his life or not.
I am fortunate I was told early in sobriety not to base my sobriety outside myself. Otherwise I might not have stuck with it as I have declared bankruptcy, lost relationships, lost children, lost jobs, lost vehicles, etc.... all in sobriety. Life still happens the difference is that in sobriety even when life happens we don't drink at it any more.
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: rwc, ca
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I think the difference is his/her attitude and perception toward alcohol.
dry = you think you don't have a problem and can manage alcohol, that you're sober to prove a point.
recovery = you think you do have a problem and try like hell to quit, whether you relapse or not.
dry = you think you don't have a problem and can manage alcohol, that you're sober to prove a point.
recovery = you think you do have a problem and try like hell to quit, whether you relapse or not.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
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The Webster’s definition
DRY: requiring or desiring drink.
I figured if I could just stop drinking everything would be great. I came into AA thinking I was a pretty swell guy and I was. Actually early on I was asked what type of person I thought I was. I said I thought I was honest, kind, helpful, caring, hardworking and generous. When I did my forth step and then went on to my fifth step I realized based on my actions I was none of the above. Sure the fundamentals of all those good traits were always there but in order to bring them into the light I had to trust in God and sweep away my wreckage.
So to stay on topic I am no longer dry because I don’t require or desire a drink. I did not list Webster’s definition of recovery because recovery is purely personal and can mean many different things to many different people. Whenever I set boundaries, definitions and expectations on my recovery I sell myself short.
DRY: requiring or desiring drink.
I figured if I could just stop drinking everything would be great. I came into AA thinking I was a pretty swell guy and I was. Actually early on I was asked what type of person I thought I was. I said I thought I was honest, kind, helpful, caring, hardworking and generous. When I did my forth step and then went on to my fifth step I realized based on my actions I was none of the above. Sure the fundamentals of all those good traits were always there but in order to bring them into the light I had to trust in God and sweep away my wreckage.
So to stay on topic I am no longer dry because I don’t require or desire a drink. I did not list Webster’s definition of recovery because recovery is purely personal and can mean many different things to many different people. Whenever I set boundaries, definitions and expectations on my recovery I sell myself short.
Last edited by bonsai12; 01-17-2008 at 03:52 AM.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by CoDeependentMe
I would like to know what to look for as evidence of true recovery.
Thanks in advance!
When true recovery happens...you see it and know what you are seeing.
Changes that you never thought would happen....over time, not just for a day or 3.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
In Recovery -
going with the flow, enjoying the scenery, learning the ways of the River.
Dry Drunk -
Chest deep in dirty floodwater, fighting upstream.
Last I looked - we're people .. not salmon.
And the importance of the difference in directions is signifigant, too.
going with the flow, enjoying the scenery, learning the ways of the River.
Dry Drunk -
Chest deep in dirty floodwater, fighting upstream.
Last I looked - we're people .. not salmon.
And the importance of the difference in directions is signifigant, too.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toronto
Posts: 138
Thanks to everyone! I love the eloquents ways that every has expressed themselves.
The funny thing is...and that's just the Codependant Me...I think that I already new all of those things. So typical, I need to ask the question just to get confirmation of what I already know deep down inside.
The funny thing is...and that's just the Codependant Me...I think that I already new all of those things. So typical, I need to ask the question just to get confirmation of what I already know deep down inside.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by barb dwyer
In Recovery -
going with the flow, enjoying the scenery, learning the ways of the River.
Dry Drunk -
Chest deep in dirty floodwater, fighting upstream.
Last I looked - we're people .. not salmon.
And the importance of the difference in directions is signifigant, too.
going with the flow, enjoying the scenery, learning the ways of the River.
Dry Drunk -
Chest deep in dirty floodwater, fighting upstream.
Last I looked - we're people .. not salmon.
And the importance of the difference in directions is signifigant, too.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
awwww, man ... I hate it when a metaphor isn't clear - LOL
the direction - with/against the flow - had to do with the Will of the Infinite... going withe the Original Plan. ... as opposed to fighting the Original Plan ... and striggling for what WE want , instead of what HP wants....
the direction - with/against the flow - had to do with the Will of the Infinite... going withe the Original Plan. ... as opposed to fighting the Original Plan ... and striggling for what WE want , instead of what HP wants....
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