"Young People's" conventions, activities, etc. -- to judge or not to judge?
Jeff070204
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Sacramento
Posts: 39
"Young People's" conventions, activities, etc. -- to judge or not to judge?
Last night I brought $15 to the meeting, meaning to give it to this guy who, the previous week, had leaned on me rather heavily to "pre-register" for the upcoming All California Young People in AA (ACYPAA) convention.
I like this particular guy -- he's upbeat, conscientious, smart, funny and energetic. But during his pitch for the fifteen bucks, all I could think about was how I had attended ACYPAA two years ago, and how appalled I had been at some of the behavior I witnessed, and how I decided I'd never attend anything like that again or be associated with it otherwise.
I managed to get him to back off without giving him the fifteen dollars. But on the way home I thought about it, and felt like I had done the selfish thing. I decided the right thing to do would be to give him the fifteen dollars. I don't know what exactly I get for the money (What exactly does "pre-register" mean?), but I think this is a case where I need to separate the individual(s) from the behavior. Even though I think their behavior is often obstreperous, silly, and -- particularly in the case of these conventions -- indeed selfish, I like these people. I like that so many of them are off drugs and alcohol, and have gotten some kind of handle on their life problems. I attend their regular meetings weekly, and am always struck by how happy so many of them seem -- unlike so many of the more, er, "mature" AA's.
Anyway, he wasn't there last night, but next time I see him, I'm giving him the fifteen bucks. I'll donate the pass or ticket to the convention or whatever I get to a newcomer, preferably one who's not prematurely old and curmudgeonly.
"Here, pal, go check this out. From what I understand, you're supposed to pick somebody there to have sex with. Let me know how that goes."
I like this particular guy -- he's upbeat, conscientious, smart, funny and energetic. But during his pitch for the fifteen bucks, all I could think about was how I had attended ACYPAA two years ago, and how appalled I had been at some of the behavior I witnessed, and how I decided I'd never attend anything like that again or be associated with it otherwise.
I managed to get him to back off without giving him the fifteen dollars. But on the way home I thought about it, and felt like I had done the selfish thing. I decided the right thing to do would be to give him the fifteen dollars. I don't know what exactly I get for the money (What exactly does "pre-register" mean?), but I think this is a case where I need to separate the individual(s) from the behavior. Even though I think their behavior is often obstreperous, silly, and -- particularly in the case of these conventions -- indeed selfish, I like these people. I like that so many of them are off drugs and alcohol, and have gotten some kind of handle on their life problems. I attend their regular meetings weekly, and am always struck by how happy so many of them seem -- unlike so many of the more, er, "mature" AA's.
Anyway, he wasn't there last night, but next time I see him, I'm giving him the fifteen bucks. I'll donate the pass or ticket to the convention or whatever I get to a newcomer, preferably one who's not prematurely old and curmudgeonly.
"Here, pal, go check this out. From what I understand, you're supposed to pick somebody there to have sex with. Let me know how that goes."
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Hello Jeff
Two thoughts... When you went last time, your attitude was a year younger. Could that be why you didn't like it?
Second thought... If you don't want to go...that is your choice and I see nothing selfish in saying no. As far as buying a ticket and giving it away... if you don't think it worth going, unless you think someone else may get something more out of it then you did...it would be a waste don't you think?
There is nothing wrong with saying no. Just be sure that what you are saying no to isn't something that can be a help for you. A sponsor says..do this or that... That is one thing (as sponsors should be telling us what is best for us when we don't know any better). You have been to the ACYPAA before so it isn't like you are saying no to an unknown.
Two thoughts... When you went last time, your attitude was a year younger. Could that be why you didn't like it?
Second thought... If you don't want to go...that is your choice and I see nothing selfish in saying no. As far as buying a ticket and giving it away... if you don't think it worth going, unless you think someone else may get something more out of it then you did...it would be a waste don't you think?
There is nothing wrong with saying no. Just be sure that what you are saying no to isn't something that can be a help for you. A sponsor says..do this or that... That is one thing (as sponsors should be telling us what is best for us when we don't know any better). You have been to the ACYPAA before so it isn't like you are saying no to an unknown.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My thoughts are that no matter what the cause or how worthy, I give or don't give depending on my own desire and preference of causes and not on what anyone may think of me.
If you think this is a good cause to donate to, great, but if it's just pressure to donate causing guilt, I'd hold off.
Just my thoughts.
Hugs
If you think this is a good cause to donate to, great, but if it's just pressure to donate causing guilt, I'd hold off.
Just my thoughts.
Hugs
Jeff070204
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Sacramento
Posts: 39
My attitude was, truth be told, more embracing and accepting of these kinds of things two years ago than it is now. Of course, two years ago I had never been to anything like it, and now having been, my attitude can't help but be different.
I have this thing about not begrudging people their happiness. Obviously a great many people's entire year revolves around this thing. And like I said -- I like the people, it's the behavior I have a problem with. Clearly these activities give them incentive to stick to a structured life centered on staying off speed. This is an overwhelmingly positive thing, and I wish to support that. I'm just not going to show up to the stupid crap, is all.
I have this thing about not begrudging people their happiness. Obviously a great many people's entire year revolves around this thing. And like I said -- I like the people, it's the behavior I have a problem with. Clearly these activities give them incentive to stick to a structured life centered on staying off speed. This is an overwhelmingly positive thing, and I wish to support that. I'm just not going to show up to the stupid crap, is all.
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