yakimariver

I know there are plenty of you out there like me. I guzzle booze. I hate to be without it. I am only happy when I am in a drunken stupor. To be specific, I drink 12 cans of Busch every day. I wake up and look at the time on the clock and say to myself let some time go by, then buy it. I have nightmares and long hours of sleepless night when I toss and turn and just cannot be comfortable. I have "quit" drinking nearly every day for the last 2 years, and guess, what? I still drink. I tell my friends and aquaintences I am quiting and they laugh at me. I ask God for his divine intervention every day, but to no result. I think this is alcoholism. Robs me, ruins my health, but guess what? And I hate it. How can I quit? I have an idea. Anyone interested?

yakimariver

I will add to this my proposed strategy, perhaps some of you may think it right, but if not, I ask why not?

This month I knock my 12 beers per day down to 12 beers per 2 days. Is this possible? I think I can struggle with it and win. Quit one day and suffer the next, knowing I am working toward independence? Maybe?

But this is not easy, I know. Let me talk it out. I have a head thing that makes me drink 12 beers per day right now. Going every other day saves me 100 bucks per month and saves irritation of my kidneys by a factor of 2. What a reward!

Also, I gain in a mental self-estimate to some extent. And all of this is a huge gain for just for cutting it in half and gutting out every other day. Can I do that? Can you? We will see.

But we can go on. If I succeed in the above, then next month I can cut down the 12 pack to a 6 pack of tall beers. And on we go. Any thoughts on this?

Astro

I drank and thought like that for many years, and then it became considerably worse and I drank even more.

Any thoughts on how you can quit? Sure. Ever tried AA? I resisted the idea that I was an alcoholic for many years, and thought I could quit drinking on my own. But it's almost impossible to do it without some kind of help, for me AA was the solution.

Best wishes to you. Sobriety is possible with determination, an open mind, and above all abstinence from picking up another drink.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

Yes, I tried cutting back too. Of course I tried that, convinced that I could manage my alcohol intake. I tried for years and failed again and again. If you're an alcoholic, you can't moderate your drinking.

IO Storm

Yakimariver....

This is my 7th time back in recovery.

Last year I went from one 6 pack to almost a case in a few days.

This disease is progressive and fatal.

It only gets worse.

For me..total abstinence and a lot of spiritual work and support

have kept me "stopped" since February 8, 2006.

And "clean" from amphetamines since June 8, 2006.


Love,

:

Sherry

laurie6781

Yakima, first let me say Welcome to Sober Recovery. Here you will find many that have been where you are now, and freely share their Experience, Strength, and Hope (ES&H) with any and all who land here. Take what you can use and leave the rest behind.

That being said.............................................. ..

You know I have never seen HP (Higher Power) or God so divine intervention. What I have seen not only for myself but others, is HP gives me the strength just to the extent of MY OWN ACTIONS.

I know from personal experience and from watching others, that as I struggled One Day At A Time not to drink, HP gave me the strength to keep going and not drink. Sometimes it was One Minute At A Time early in recovery.

I found AA to be a great help for this alkie. Not only because they are always talking about how to LIVE SOBER by working the 12 Steps Of Recovery, but..............and a big but it is, I found sober people, people that invited me to the
meetings after the meetings for coffee and the talk turned to Living Sober, One Day At A Time, and I realized I had found 'new friends'.

Please check out a meeting or two.

Now as to 'cutting down', lol Ob Boy, I tried that so many times, and then would just end up drinking more as my Alcolholism progressed. Better to go to your Dr and 'spill the beans' so to speak and tell ALL. Detoxing at home alone is definitely NOT RECOMMENDED. Your Doctor will and can decide if you need in house Detox or if some medications will help enough for you to do it at home.

Yakima you are starting on a journey that will lead you to a beautiful way of life, one you have NEVER DREAMED WAS POSSIBLE.

Trust In God, go to AA, Get A Sponsor, Make Some New Friends, work the steps, One Day Or Minute At A Time, work the 12 Steps (with guidance from hour sponsor) and you will be on your way to living a SPIRITUAL SOBER WAY OF LIFE.

Please, Yakima, keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care!!!!!

Love and hugs,

yakimariver

Thanks for your reply. I have tried AA and it didn't work. I'm so given to drinking now, though, I may give it another try.

yakimariver

Can't is word that stops your thinking, dampens your hope, and prevents consideration of possibilities.

yakimariver

I stopped smoking by total abstinence some 25 years ago, I also stopped another bad habit that way, but more due to God's reducing the temptation to that degree which I could handle. But as I have said, I stop drinking everyday and start later on in the day. And this charade has gone on for 15 years. Sudden total abstinence is a mere pipe dream for me. The every other day strategy at least has the merit of cutting my intake in half and saving me a precious $100.

yakimariver

Thanks for the considerate reply!

As I said above I quit every day. Cold turkey is just a lie I tell myself every morning. My cutting down scheme, as I am sure you know, is a scheme of planned withdrawal. If I can cut 12 beers per day down to 12 beers per every other day, I can take them one day at a time with the knowledge I can drink tomorrow with a somewhat clear conscience.

As for living without booze, the "how to do it," I am clinically depressed. Living without booze to me means dealing with that ugly state of mind. I have been to shrinks, taken anti-depressants, gone through electro-convulsive-therapy twice. I have tried the cognitive therapy developed at U Penn., and I have read many many self-help books to improve my outlook, my self-esteem, and my attitudes to others and myself, and I have prayed. I am still depressed.

With regard to alcohol I think alcohol and depression are birds of a feather, both part of the same disease. A parent-derived disease, one in which it is passed on bio-chemically. I come from a family of alcoholics all suffering from chronic depression.

Sorry to sound so morbid, but that is my story. Thanks again, Yakima.

parentrecovers

just wanted to welcome you, yakima. recovery is possible. blessings, k

SaTiT

what if you just don't make any plans

what if you just stop drinking for today, everyday
What if you just live for today everyday
what if every waking moment you live is always in the now
what if yesterday and tomorrow dosn't exist other than in your mind

what if a majority of people in recovery came from a long line
of drunks in their family..ACOA is the short version.

what if AA works if you work it.
what if the 12 steps program of AA is beyound just making a decision
what if it's just 1% decisions and 99% actions.

what if you just allow yourself to get sober

livefree

I agree with mostly everyone else. You might want to try AA. If you have to try to control your drinking, it's likely an indication that you have a problem. It sounds like it might be a good idea for you. Even if you have tried it before, what have you got to lose? If you don't think you can stop the cycle on your own, you might want to consider detox. I don't think I would have been able to sobr up without a stay in detox.

yakimariver

One day at a time. Yesterday I drank my 12 pack. Today I stayed sober and actually enjoyed myself. Tomorrow I will drink my 12 pack. Actually, I think this experiment is working. Thanks.

ghostgirl

hey yaki... i did the same thing, making a plan with my drinking, the last two years of my drinking. (i'd been drinking for over ten, but the last two were REALLY bad). i used to make lists (on post its!) every day... it would say something like two beers, one while i made dinner, and one in the evening, plus one glass of wine with dinner. it always happened that i would buy that bottle of vodka, though, and drink nearly a fifth of that every day, or a bottle of wine... and eventully, that one bottle of wine would not be enough, and i'd have to have both.

alcohol.... cunning, baffling, powerful. tomorrow i have three months of sobriety, and its only been in the last couple of weeks that i realized how cunning, baffling, and powerful my disease is. i had an alcoholic mind before i ever picked up a drink.

when it got to the point where i had to make plans for my drinking, and then found i couldn't follow the plan, i knew i was screwed. i started to put drinking above everything else... (i can't go do this or that because then i won't be able to drink). my entire day was spent thinking about that drink while i was at work.
i've never said this before, not even to my sponsor, i feel so ashamed, but i even started to drink during my lunch time. i PLANNED differently, but could never stick with the plan.

when you have to plan how and when and how much you will drink, then the alcohol is definately TAKING OVER YOUR LIFE.

just some thoughts from a newbie.

gg

hope3

Welcome...................One question.

if you any other illness, would you be trying to treat yourself?

Kidney stones, ulcer, etc.......

Hope3

GlassPrisoner

Yakimariver, I'd suggest reading the first couple of pages from chapter 3 of the Big Book.

lanie67

Thanks for sharing, Yaki. You seem to be beating up on yourself a whole lot here, the part where you said 'total abstinence is a pipe dream for me' made me sad, and yet the truth is that that is the first step of AA, 'Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable'. So you are already working step one here. It is not AA that 'works' or 'doesn't work' so much as it is the steps of AA. The fellowship is there to support us and give us a peer group of non-drinking people and other alcoholics to carry the message to but it is the steps that are the 'work' of AA, work that we do so we can clean house enough to live comfortable in our own skin. That is with getting the appropriate medical advice about detoxing in the beginning and whatever counseling or therapy or professional outside help we may require; many require meds for depression, bi-polar disorder, etc. It's funny when I read your sig-line the verse from the bible "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" came to mind. I am not a christian or anything so I may have not quoted it exactly, but that is what my connection to a higher power does for me. I wasn't able to say sober on my own, but through a higher power I am granted that ability one day at a time. Plugging into that power, which happened for me through AA, is what made the difference for me.

littlefish

That is a very wise remark ghostgirl.