I feel like I don't deserve help
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 31
I feel like I don't deserve help
*I don't know if I should put a trigger warning or not on this but there is self injury talk in this post*
I'm lost and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm trying I honestly am, but it's so much bigger than I am. I go to meetings once a week, yet I can't stop using. I'm self injuring worse than I ever have in my entire life, I can't even go 10 minutes without cutting or banging my wrist. I got fired from my job yesterday. Their reasons were that they were losing money and they had to let someone go, but I got an emial from a coworker just now saying that clients were bothered by my cuts/scars and that I seemed high and out of it to them. My psychiatrist, therapist and parents all keep telling me I need to go into rehab. But I already feel like a fraud just going to the AA meetings. I sit there listening to people thinking that I'm just making mountains out of molehills. That I should just stop trying to recover now and just let things get bad enough that I actually deserve to be there. I'm sorry if this makes no sense, but **** dude I don't know.
I just reread this and I sound like an attention *****, I'm sorry.
I'm lost and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm trying I honestly am, but it's so much bigger than I am. I go to meetings once a week, yet I can't stop using. I'm self injuring worse than I ever have in my entire life, I can't even go 10 minutes without cutting or banging my wrist. I got fired from my job yesterday. Their reasons were that they were losing money and they had to let someone go, but I got an emial from a coworker just now saying that clients were bothered by my cuts/scars and that I seemed high and out of it to them. My psychiatrist, therapist and parents all keep telling me I need to go into rehab. But I already feel like a fraud just going to the AA meetings. I sit there listening to people thinking that I'm just making mountains out of molehills. That I should just stop trying to recover now and just let things get bad enough that I actually deserve to be there. I'm sorry if this makes no sense, but **** dude I don't know.
I just reread this and I sound like an attention *****, I'm sorry.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: QUEENS, NY
Posts: 200
Originally Posted by DoubleV 
My psychiatrist, therapist and parents all keep telling me I need to go into rehab.
AA is great but you may need more than that, go to rehab.
I never experienced the pain I felt when I was drinking/drugging when I stopped, I wanted to die and I hated myself, my life and everyone else.
Stop the cycle, go to rehab and get the help you need
Love, Rose
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: QUEENS, NY
Posts: 200
I felt like that when I went to AA, that people would say I didn't belong, I wasn't alcoholic enough....
This was my denial talking, the longer I kept going the more I realized I earned my seat and I had the same and sometimes more gruesome stories than everyone else.
Don't feed yourself this lie, its your mind playing tricks on you. No-one goes to rehab that doesn't have a problem, same as no-one goes to AA that doesn't have a drink problem, it just doesn't work that way.
Nobody is going to judge you, believe me, they all are thinking they don't really have a problem eitheramd maybe they really weren't that bad, just no-one says it out loud.
Love, Rose
This was my denial talking, the longer I kept going the more I realized I earned my seat and I had the same and sometimes more gruesome stories than everyone else.
Don't feed yourself this lie, its your mind playing tricks on you. No-one goes to rehab that doesn't have a problem, same as no-one goes to AA that doesn't have a drink problem, it just doesn't work that way.
Nobody is going to judge you, believe me, they all are thinking they don't really have a problem eitheramd maybe they really weren't that bad, just no-one says it out loud.
Love, Rose
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