aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

By the Grace of my Higher Power and people like you here in SR I havent had a drink of alcohol since 8-11-90. And for that and you Im truely grateful.

Ok, I have a question.....

Can you explain to me and others here in SR why after you had some clean or sober time in recovery then decided to go back out? Especially after yrs of time, what happened?

I know for myself, i could easily be one of those that has gone back out....

IF......

I quit working my program.

Get to big for my britches and think i dont need this program any longer.

Stop believing, having faith, praying.

Stop helping others who need me to share my own ESH...

EXPERIENCE, STRENGTHS AND HOPES with them.

Stop caring.

Stop living.

I for the life of me right now at this moment can not fantom why you would want to go out after yrs of knowing what to do to stay clean and sober.

Thanks for letting me share.

dalin

BEEN CLEAN SINCE 93
but after years of jumping from one fellowship to another,hell i was a tourist,learning the language of all...could slogan you to death...
but in 93 na saved me from myself.i stopped being a tourist,kept myself na centered(all fellowships are cool,but na spoke to my heart.the way we work the steps is na centered)
so i got in here with a killer sponsor and learned to stay clean from all mood altering chemicals.also have an awesome relationship with my hp.am in a good relationship,sponsor and grandsponsor some guys.
it is easier to stay clean than to get clean

aasharon90

Did you go back out because you didnt have anyone to talk to?

Was it because if you didnt go out with ur buddies to drink or use then you would lose their friendships?

Are you afraid of being alone or lonely?

Do know of someone else that is in recovery?

Do you know where AA or NA meetings are near ur home?

Bright Eye

Its so hard to live in recovery sometimes, when you see other people around you having fun, having a couple of drinks. They're not in recovery. Its natural to think- "well, I'm not the addict I used to be back then, I've changed. Maybe I can manage to have a drink or two now and be ok?" Everyone does it, don't blame yourself for that if it happens. And there are people who CAN do that, but unfortunately there's no way of knowing if you are one of those people or not. But addiction works like that, many people go round and round again, some time of sobriety, then trying out 'social' drinking, only to relapse into active using again. But, I do know people who were addicts, then had some time in rehab, maybe a couple of years sober, and now they drink responsibly. But they are the minority.

dalin

i think i have burried some of that minority...
my disease wants me dead.
it isolates me from others.
keeps me home alone with that asholeofthemall (me)
thinking with a broken thinker...
untill one of you folks lodge my head from my assnow...thanks
sharon

igfan

i haven't put together much clean time (6 months being the most), but i find that when things are going good i tend to self destruct. I'm not used to feeling good, so it's an uncomfortable feeling for me and i drift toward the familiar, which is being unhappy. Hopefully, with the help of AA and my counselor i will learn how to be comfortable being happy.

justanothrdrunk

Had approx. 18 months two different times and went back out. I have one day ATM.

I got complacent.

Recovery is like walking up an escalator the wrong way. You have to keep moving to stay level. If you want to go up, you have to work really hard. Stop moving all together and you fall.

Never. Stop. Working.

aasharon90

Hi im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

By the grace of my HP and people
like u here in SR , I havent had a drink
of alcohol since 8-11-90. For that
and u I am truely grateful.

For the many new members just
joining SR....if youd like to share ur
ESH on this topic that would be great.

Your words of wisdom can surely
help even the newest recovery
member learn to stay on tack with
their recovery program.

Your story can possibly help some
one else continplating going back out
to do some more control drinking or
using....

Doug

I would say just because I'm an alcoholic. My recovery needs to be progressive like my alcoholism is. My recovery does not progress if I don't participate in it, and when I don't, I go back out....

aasharon90

Did anyone have some clean time or sober time for awhile...maybe long time and just decided it was safe to go back out...then u realized that things...drinking or using still wasnt what it was cracked up to be? How long did u go back out before coming back in? Are you here to stay?

aasharon90

There a re many of us that go thru ups and downs in recovery. sometimes we get to that point that nothing seems to work...no one cares.....The only thing we ever knew for so long was how to numb our feelings....just to get thru another day...u then had a taste of recovery... a small taste of what being sober or clean was all about...it felt good...it was nice for once not to depend on the drink or drug.....

...but then someone pissed u off...or something didnt turn out right....

Then it happened....why when u had the choices in ur hand to either reach for the help in recovery so freely offered to us.....or go get that drink or fix?

Share with others that are in the same place as u were and what happened to u and if u could do it all over again what would u then do......maybe what u share will save someone from making the same mistake as you.

Thanks for letting me share.

barb dwyer

Hi aasharon -

Man, you ask some good questions sometimes!

I went back out four years ago because I just couldn't commit to the Third Step.
I just couldn't turn everything over to a HP I still had so many resentments against. My boyfriend had been killed in a car wreck four months before, which is what wound me up in AA to begin with ... and I was still spinning over that. I just couldn't trust HP.
When it all boils down to boiling down ... that's what sticks to the pan.

I could blame it on living 25 miles from the AA here, (which I did)
and the continental divide being closed with a big snow storm ...
(which it was)
I could blame it on being lonely stuck in a tiny town where everyone was somhow related ... (which I was) (and they were/are)

But the deal was -I just wouldn't hear God.
I was just still too angry.
I really think that's why HP is being so very accommodating to me this time. I've had one miracle right after the other, and am starting to settle into the rythm of talking and communing with Spirit in every aspect of life like I haven't done in almost ten years.
I drank to NOT hear the guidance of spirit.

I didn't not hear Spirit guidance because I was drinking - I drank so as to NOT hear it.
I wanted nothing more to do with a God who drags someone across the country, lets them meet their soul mate ... then kills them in a car wreck.
I've been around a lot of death in this lifetime, and that one - I took personally.
I came to believe that if I loved someone, it wqas a death sentence to them. Something I hadn't believed since I was a little girl. It woke back up in me and began the process of killing me all over again. And this time, I didn't even care.
And when I got isolated (apparently it doesn't matter if YOU do it - or NATURE does it) I went back just for the company.

That was four years ago. And I'm still here. I don't know why, but this time, I don't CARE - I have given it back to God.
Hope that helps. Somewhere.

aasharon90

Im refreshing this topic if ud like
to share ur ESH with us.

Found

As you know from another thread I'm a How person not a Why person.
Lacking maturity and connectedness with people and things around me, and traumatised by the doings of other kids (mainly), I was an addiction waiting to happen.
I have had many glimpses of recovery and/or soberness.
I have reached Step 4 twice
I was a meeting secretary for nine months
I didn't have a drink for about five years once.
The last few months' occasional drinking were worse and the four full months without a drink have been more difficult.
I am very blessed to be here at this forum

aasharon90

Folks pop in and out of recovery often. If you went out
recently and came back in would you like to shre why u came
back in and how was it when u went back out?