lovenunn2002

my name is cocaine......I will destroy your life and invade your brain.I make you hide so no-one can see,and soon all you will want will only be me.you will do almost anything for me,you will forget about your children ,your friends, and your family.you will use me once and always want more,I will turn you into a bag *****.you will lose your kids your home and every single thing you own.you will try to run from me but i will find you,and you will stop doing everything you use to do.i will make your life fall apart,and sometimes even stop your heart.i will make you do things you will hate yourself for only making you want me more.you will snort me up your nose sometimes,and end up commiting crimes.before you know it you will be smoking me,you will start ripping off anyone because i am not free.pretty soon you will start shooting me in your veins because you want more,then you will do me 100x more than before.i will destroy your life and turn it to ****,but even then you wont want to quit.i will drag you down and wont let you free,i am all you need its just you and me.if you leave me now i will find my way back,because i am your lover and my name is CRACK!!!! -----------------------------------------------------------------------------MARTHA R HIGGINS-----------------------I HAVE FOUGHT WITH COCAINE FOR A VERY LONG TIME.I HAVE LOST MY CHILDREN TO A FOSTER HOME UNTIL I GET MY **** TOGETHER"WICH I HAVE"AND ALMOST LOST MY FAMILY,AND MY S/O!THIS POEM IS SO VERY REAL TO ME BECAUSE I LIVED WITH COCAINE BEING MY EVERYTHING.IT IS THE DEVIL,AND I HAVE FOUND GOD!!MY LIFE IS GETTING BETTER EVERY DAY THAT I AM CLEAN.MY KIDS COME BACK HOME IN TWO MORE WEEKS AFTER BEING GONE FROM HOME FOR ALMOST FIVE MONTHS NOW.I LOVE THE LIFE I HAVE NOW,AND WOULD NOT CHANGE THAT FOR THE WORLD.MY PRAYERS GO OUT TO ALL THE ADDICTS OUT THERE WHO ARE STILL HELD DOWN BYE THERE ADDICTIONS.DONT GIVE UP YOU CAN DO IT,YOU CAN BEAT IT.IF I CAN DO IT,ANYONE CAN!!!NEVER GIVE UP!!

Peter

Thanks for the reminder and the message of hope.

Luckyv2

Thanks for what you shared. My name is Vic and I am an addict. My choice of drugs has always been meth, then I relapsed on Cocaine/Crack after having almost 11 months clean. Yes it doesn't matter what drug I do, when I pick up I have no control over it. I am hopeless, and helpless again. Today is day 1 for me again, I have been fighting this for a month now. I need to get on with life without the use of drugs. Thanks for sharing what you did I have a little more hope now that I too can do this deal.

Love Vic

goodgrlgonbad

Hey, I am writing in response to the poem on crack/cocaine. When In started useing drugs fourn years ago, I started off slow with pills. I got hooked and found myself pregnant. I started at a methadone clinic to take care of my opiaid problem and thought that I was cured as long as I had my methadone. My problem is that I am a polysubstance abuser amd when I could no longer feel herioin or pills because of the block from the methadone, I started with benzos and crack and fell in love. I was smoking crack daily for months on end not caring about anything else. I was stealing from my employer to get the money for my habit. I hit a point in my life to where I just didnt care anymore and tried to commit suicide. I thought that my husband and children would be better off without me and all the problems that I brought into their life. If my husband had not come home when he did I would have succeded and most of the time I wish I had. My problem is that I feel totally hopeless and powerless against this. There is not a moment that goes by that I dont think of getting one more hit off a stem. I crave it with everythinf in my soal and dont know what to do. Luckily I have one of the best, if not THE best counsler at the methadone clinic that I go to. Besides my husband and children she has shown me so much love and support and I honestly know that without her I would be dead. My husband doesnt understand addiction so he is mean to me at times but she understands that I am sick and that I dont do the things that I do to spite him. I just need someone to give me some answers or encouragement so I can go on cause I feel as if even with inpatient treatment and being maintained on methadone I wont make it. I dont want to crave this drug as if it is as important as air or water, but I do and I feel lost. I would rather be dead then feel this way. HELP!!!!

Kahlia

Martha-What a BEAUTIFUL new life you have made for YOU.....you are a blessing to all the addicts still out there..I am so PROUD of you,I too was out there once, it almost killed me but it was my choice and I , too stopped, thank GOD for sanity and reality....you are truly an inspiration and your kids will be so happy to see their Mom clean and NEW.........PEACE to you and your NEW life.......Kahlia

mendingheart

Blessed are you all, for you have a second chance! Keep up the hard work.

Ann25

I've been having a rough week and my thoughts have totally been on going back. Thank You for the wake up call!!!!

Ann

Buzz Kilowatt

Goodgirl,

I felt for you reading your post.

I think you should seek help from an accredited
addictionologist. I am sure that a program can be devised to wean you off of the cocaine and eventually the methodone. This group has many people who have succeded, and you can too.

Your contemplating suicide means you are depressed. But it is not a viable way out for you or your family. Let me illustrate. When I was in 4th or 5th grade I had a friend who's Mom killed herself. I talked to him 35 years later, and he was just recovering from alcoholism. He told me all of his brothers and sisters were screwed up because of it and it had ruined their lives. Pls. don't do that to your kids.

There appears to be a spiritual component missing from your life; Narcanon can help with both problems.

The world is a wonderful place if you can get straight again. You'll wonder why you didn't start seeking help sooner!

Good luck - get help - you can't do this on your own.

Buzz