I tried
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Originally Posted by angelgirl
Yes!!! That's what I was hoping to hear from you Tyler!!
It can be so tough some times, but if you can push through this tough spell,
it'll get better, and I really believe it does make us stronger.
I get really depressed often too.. Are you on any meds Tyler?
Are you maybe, Bi-Polar? I'm sure you know your diagnosis. But if you are
on meds, maybe you need to have them adjusted, maybe I'm way out of line,
some people want nothing to do with that??
It can be so tough some times, but if you can push through this tough spell,
it'll get better, and I really believe it does make us stronger.
I get really depressed often too.. Are you on any meds Tyler?
Are you maybe, Bi-Polar? I'm sure you know your diagnosis. But if you are
on meds, maybe you need to have them adjusted, maybe I'm way out of line,
some people want nothing to do with that??
You're never alone!!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
I do care Tyler, very much..
Thanks for responding. I am so happy to see you on here, if you wouldn't have come back, we would have all been so worried. I understand severe depression, I suffer from it, my mom suffered from it.
I have been seeing therapists and Psych. docs for so long. They don't seem to look into other possibilities such as Bi-Polar, often enough, that's my opinion, they just call it depression and anxiety. So through all of these years I thought I suffered from severe anxiety, and periods of depression, and periods of DEEP depression, but this therapist I have been seeing for a little while now told me recently that it is hard for doctors to distinguish between anxiety/depression, and Bi-Polar,,, because they mimic eachother in alot of ways. So she wgave me this booklet that you actually chart your moods and sleep and meds and things that are going on in your life, and once I saw it on paper, WOW, I could not believe how my moods jumped, and how little I really was sleeping at times versus other times. The chart has really shown me alot. But she also told me that they have specific testing that they can give people to find out exactly what their true diagnosis is, but the problem with the testing is it cost a bunch of money and ins. companies do not want to pay for it, so that's why so many people don't get tested. But I'm sure like other tests, that can also be wrong. I do believe though that this charting has shown me alot liek I said.. If you really wanted to know, and felt up to it, you don't have to have a chart, you can just write on paper all your meds everyday that you take, and if you are taking them correctly, everyday, (sometimes people don't, sometimes people forget, or they feel good, and just don't take them for a day of a few days pr whatever, so that's why they chart the meds daily). Youalso write how many hours of sleep you had that night, I include naps for that day, and if you were noticably more depressed, or way more hyper, energetic, or just really excited for no good reason, or sad, you get the point.. Then you also write how many time your mood changed during the day and night, maybe it won't change for days, maybe weeks, but sometimes I can see it flip flop to extremes a few times in just one day, but you don't realize it, unless you write it down,, But then it is also important of course to write down anything that affected you in a certain way for the day, like say, an argument with a family member, or a something that would have really impacted you, sometimes you find the mood shifts completely, for NO reason at all.
I know this sounds like alot of work, but if you can get a diagnosis if you are Bi-Polar, they have mood stabilizers that you can take, for that "missing link" we seem to have in our Chemistry,,, It could make a big change in your life.. Yes the problems that we have are still there, and still just as serious, but they aren't always as earth shaddering as we seem to think they are when we aren't well.
I know this is probably mor einfo than you wanted to read right now, but ti ould possible help you...
I believe you aren't really up on church, I wasn't either, but ya know when I allowed myself to open my mind to god, it made a BIG difference for me. I really believe strongly in the power of god working in us,, if we let him. I just don't see to many depressed Christians out there, or christians that are feeling like they want to die, ya know, that made me really stop and think, hey, I want to be happy like they are, because they seem SO happy no matter what life throws at them. I want that in my life, I want to be strong and stable, and they really seem to be, so I am checking that out more and more.. Iwant to be happy Tyler, that's allI want.. I want to show my kids a happy life, a life worth living... I figured just like AA/NA or any of the groups, I could check out church and the christian life, ans see what it had to offer me, I knew I had a choice always to walk away if I wanted to.... So would you,, maybe it is something worth looking into?? I am not preaching, just saying, I just really want happiness Tyler, like everyone does, and Christians seem to be the happiest people I know..
You hang in there buddy..
I'm praying for you..
Thanks for responding. I am so happy to see you on here, if you wouldn't have come back, we would have all been so worried. I understand severe depression, I suffer from it, my mom suffered from it.
I have been seeing therapists and Psych. docs for so long. They don't seem to look into other possibilities such as Bi-Polar, often enough, that's my opinion, they just call it depression and anxiety. So through all of these years I thought I suffered from severe anxiety, and periods of depression, and periods of DEEP depression, but this therapist I have been seeing for a little while now told me recently that it is hard for doctors to distinguish between anxiety/depression, and Bi-Polar,,, because they mimic eachother in alot of ways. So she wgave me this booklet that you actually chart your moods and sleep and meds and things that are going on in your life, and once I saw it on paper, WOW, I could not believe how my moods jumped, and how little I really was sleeping at times versus other times. The chart has really shown me alot. But she also told me that they have specific testing that they can give people to find out exactly what their true diagnosis is, but the problem with the testing is it cost a bunch of money and ins. companies do not want to pay for it, so that's why so many people don't get tested. But I'm sure like other tests, that can also be wrong. I do believe though that this charting has shown me alot liek I said.. If you really wanted to know, and felt up to it, you don't have to have a chart, you can just write on paper all your meds everyday that you take, and if you are taking them correctly, everyday, (sometimes people don't, sometimes people forget, or they feel good, and just don't take them for a day of a few days pr whatever, so that's why they chart the meds daily). Youalso write how many hours of sleep you had that night, I include naps for that day, and if you were noticably more depressed, or way more hyper, energetic, or just really excited for no good reason, or sad, you get the point.. Then you also write how many time your mood changed during the day and night, maybe it won't change for days, maybe weeks, but sometimes I can see it flip flop to extremes a few times in just one day, but you don't realize it, unless you write it down,, But then it is also important of course to write down anything that affected you in a certain way for the day, like say, an argument with a family member, or a something that would have really impacted you, sometimes you find the mood shifts completely, for NO reason at all.
I know this sounds like alot of work, but if you can get a diagnosis if you are Bi-Polar, they have mood stabilizers that you can take, for that "missing link" we seem to have in our Chemistry,,, It could make a big change in your life.. Yes the problems that we have are still there, and still just as serious, but they aren't always as earth shaddering as we seem to think they are when we aren't well.
I know this is probably mor einfo than you wanted to read right now, but ti ould possible help you...
I believe you aren't really up on church, I wasn't either, but ya know when I allowed myself to open my mind to god, it made a BIG difference for me. I really believe strongly in the power of god working in us,, if we let him. I just don't see to many depressed Christians out there, or christians that are feeling like they want to die, ya know, that made me really stop and think, hey, I want to be happy like they are, because they seem SO happy no matter what life throws at them. I want that in my life, I want to be strong and stable, and they really seem to be, so I am checking that out more and more.. Iwant to be happy Tyler, that's allI want.. I want to show my kids a happy life, a life worth living... I figured just like AA/NA or any of the groups, I could check out church and the christian life, ans see what it had to offer me, I knew I had a choice always to walk away if I wanted to.... So would you,, maybe it is something worth looking into?? I am not preaching, just saying, I just really want happiness Tyler, like everyone does, and Christians seem to be the happiest people I know..
You hang in there buddy..
I'm praying for you..
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Glad you're back, guy. Know that fleeting warm feeling isn't just the car heater on too high - those are prayers settling deep in your soul. They come in from all over, mostly without our knowledge. Mine are on the way...(((Tyler)))
You're never alone!!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
Hey Tyler,
Thinkin about you,,
Wondering how your doing?? Can ya check in and let us know how things are going?
Have you done anything? Seen any doctors? Are you talking to any friends or anything F2F?? I hope your not hiding in your house, it so bad for us to do.. Only keeps us feeling sick..
Hope to hear from you..
Love, Becky
Thinkin about you,,
Wondering how your doing?? Can ya check in and let us know how things are going?
Have you done anything? Seen any doctors? Are you talking to any friends or anything F2F?? I hope your not hiding in your house, it so bad for us to do.. Only keeps us feeling sick..
Hope to hear from you..
Love, Becky
You're never alone!!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
We're all thinkin about you Tyler,,
Please let us know you're alright.
I wish I knew exactly what to say, that would make your depression go away..
But it's not that easy, is it?? I would be pretty powerful, or think I am
pretty mighty to be able to take one's depression away. I can't, if I could I would..
At least know that. Also know that there are people that you have never met, sitting in their own house, or working, or going to meetings or just going about their business,
but those people you have never met are thinkin about you.. That's powerful..
Maybeit doesn't feel like it right now, but it is..
Have you talked to your son lately? If you talk to him, does that make you feel any better? I so fear being depressed, and messed up on drugs, for my kids sake, I am so afraid to do what my mom did to me, to my own kids. Man I want them to have a different, better life. I know you do too, everyone does, no one wants to have their ids go through this.
Do you get along with your parents? Do they know the depression you are suffering from right now?
Did you use? If so,. are yu still using, bcause if you are, it's ok, just stop, don't pick up that next one..
I have been there Tyler, it helps to talk,, please talk to us...
Love,
Becky
Please let us know you're alright.
I wish I knew exactly what to say, that would make your depression go away..
But it's not that easy, is it?? I would be pretty powerful, or think I am
pretty mighty to be able to take one's depression away. I can't, if I could I would..
At least know that. Also know that there are people that you have never met, sitting in their own house, or working, or going to meetings or just going about their business,
but those people you have never met are thinkin about you.. That's powerful..
Maybeit doesn't feel like it right now, but it is..
Have you talked to your son lately? If you talk to him, does that make you feel any better? I so fear being depressed, and messed up on drugs, for my kids sake, I am so afraid to do what my mom did to me, to my own kids. Man I want them to have a different, better life. I know you do too, everyone does, no one wants to have their ids go through this.
Do you get along with your parents? Do they know the depression you are suffering from right now?
Did you use? If so,. are yu still using, bcause if you are, it's ok, just stop, don't pick up that next one..
I have been there Tyler, it helps to talk,, please talk to us...
Love,
Becky
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
thanks for all the kind words. doing a little better, got back to work today. parrents will be comming back this evening, so at least i won't be all alone in this big house. i have an appointment with the doc in a few weeks, i'll talk to him about the mood swings i've been having. i'm just reacting to extremely to situations. i had really hoped that i would be able to start to work things out with the ex, but i guess that isn't going to happen. i built the visit up into this big thing and when it didn't go the way i had hoped it would, i just kinda crashed and burned. the combination of that, attending my brother's wedding (which just reminded me of my failures) and the death of my uncle all in the span of a couple of days was tough to deal with. add to that i was by myself for most of the time and it was not a good situation. oh well, i made it through it, i guess that is what counts. just wanted to let ya'll know that i'm ok. take care.
You're never alone!!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
Thank god Tyler,, so good to hear from you. We worry, as you can see when you aren't here,
I am happy your parents are coming home or have come home, it is good that you are not alone, of course you were never really, really alone anyway,, we were with you and so is god,,
I am sorry for the disappointment you must have felt with your ex.
It's so hard, the loss, but it would be really helpful for you if you could TRY to work through those feelings with her. How long have you been apart? It's not good for you to base your life around your feelings about her,, maybe if you could try to get some help in moving beyond her, I know that sounds hard, but just maybe the right person is there, waiting, but you can;t see that because you have put so much energy into your hopes for a relationship that continues to do nothing but hurt you, and bring you down.. I hope you do not get anrgy with my saying these things, that is not what I am trying to do here, I just think it's time for you to be happy.
You seem to be a really, really good person TYler and you deserve happiness.
It's to bad it going to take you a couple of weeks to get to see your doctor. Can you get in any sooner? Maybe that would just do you some good,,
I hope I didnt upset or anger you, but it's hard to see someone so kind brought down,
when you really need to be brought up,,
I'll keep praying for you bud,
You hang in there,,
Love,
Becky
I am happy your parents are coming home or have come home, it is good that you are not alone, of course you were never really, really alone anyway,, we were with you and so is god,,
I am sorry for the disappointment you must have felt with your ex.
It's so hard, the loss, but it would be really helpful for you if you could TRY to work through those feelings with her. How long have you been apart? It's not good for you to base your life around your feelings about her,, maybe if you could try to get some help in moving beyond her, I know that sounds hard, but just maybe the right person is there, waiting, but you can;t see that because you have put so much energy into your hopes for a relationship that continues to do nothing but hurt you, and bring you down.. I hope you do not get anrgy with my saying these things, that is not what I am trying to do here, I just think it's time for you to be happy.
You seem to be a really, really good person TYler and you deserve happiness.
It's to bad it going to take you a couple of weeks to get to see your doctor. Can you get in any sooner? Maybe that would just do you some good,,
I hope I didnt upset or anger you, but it's hard to see someone so kind brought down,
when you really need to be brought up,,
I'll keep praying for you bud,
You hang in there,,
Love,
Becky
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Originally Posted by angelgirl
How long have you been apart? It's not good for you to base your life around your feelings about her,, maybe if you could try to get some help in moving beyond her, I know that sounds hard, but just maybe the right person is there, waiting, but you can;t see that because you have put so much energy into your hopes for a relationship that continues to do nothing but hurt you, and bring you down.. I hope you do not get anrgy with my saying these things, that is not what I am trying to do here, I just think it's time for you to be happy.
You seem to be a really, really good person TYler and you deserve happiness.
It's to bad it going to take you a couple of weeks to get to see your doctor. Can you get in any sooner? Maybe that would just do you some good,,
I hope I didnt upset or anger you, but it's hard to see someone so kind brought down,
when you really need to be brought up,,
I'll keep praying for you bud,
You hang in there,,
Love,
Becky
You seem to be a really, really good person TYler and you deserve happiness.
It's to bad it going to take you a couple of weeks to get to see your doctor. Can you get in any sooner? Maybe that would just do you some good,,
I hope I didnt upset or anger you, but it's hard to see someone so kind brought down,
when you really need to be brought up,,
I'll keep praying for you bud,
You hang in there,,
Love,
Becky
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Little Island in the Atlantic Ocean
Posts: 57
Tyler, maybe you need to forgive yourself for the things you did to your spouse (and to yourself). Guilt will get you nowhere in this life. I don't know if you remember, but my hubby (of 10 years) recently cheated on me. Several weeks after he confessed, he confessed again!!!! It wasn't a one night stand as he originally told me...it was a full blown affair. Coming to terms with what happened has been very difficult for me...because I thought I was his one and only and I had always been faithful. But all is not lost. Believe it or not, we are closer now then we have ever been and I know he has learned his lesson (it was the first time he cheated on anyone). We have a long way to go and overcoming guilt on his part is a major issue. He's beginning to realize that he needs to look at what he did as a learning experience that ultimately led us to where we are now.
Everything happens for a reason Tyler. The question is...are you learning from your past mistakes? Once you drop the guilt, you can move toward self-love and self-acceptance...then anything is possible.
I don't know much about your relationship with your ex but I've been reading alot about marriage building lately and I've come to believe that anything is possible...even after divorce. When it comes to relationships, it's all about fullfilling eachother's needs. Perhaps Angelgirl is right, you need to move on. I don't know. In the end, you're the only one who can decide if there's anything left worth fighting for.
If you have any specific questions at all just ask...like your ex...I'm a Counsellor too (not an addictions counsellor of course. lol)
Everything happens for a reason Tyler. The question is...are you learning from your past mistakes? Once you drop the guilt, you can move toward self-love and self-acceptance...then anything is possible.
I don't know much about your relationship with your ex but I've been reading alot about marriage building lately and I've come to believe that anything is possible...even after divorce. When it comes to relationships, it's all about fullfilling eachother's needs. Perhaps Angelgirl is right, you need to move on. I don't know. In the end, you're the only one who can decide if there's anything left worth fighting for.
If you have any specific questions at all just ask...like your ex...I'm a Counsellor too (not an addictions counsellor of course. lol)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Little Island in the Atlantic Ocean
Posts: 57
One more thing. I wonder if much of your discontent is caused by the fact that old, deep seeded, issues are now coming to the fore. You were using so heavily for so long...literally drowning all your fears and insecurities.
If that's the case, then you have so much to look forward to because you know that once these issues have been dealt with you can find peace with yourself. You're making up for so many years of NOT dealing with your reality. Just a thought.
If that's the case, then you have so much to look forward to because you know that once these issues have been dealt with you can find peace with yourself. You're making up for so many years of NOT dealing with your reality. Just a thought.
You're never alone!!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
Hey,
It is good to log on here and see a posting from you Makes my day, really!!
You did not give me too much info, it is really good to see you posting the things that you really need to post, you do need to talk about that stuff and get it out it out of your head a bit.. It's good to get feedback too, sometimes you might not paticularly ike the feedback, but it's good non the less. Later on, you may look back, and see that
what people had to say was really important, and was right..
I understand the pain of what all happened to your marriage. My son is going through a break-up, and it's not really the same, because he doesn't have the time invested and a child, and he wasn't married, so it is different, but he is suffering,, he calls me everyday, and I go talk with him, he is normally a very closed person who does not express much, he also is a huge pot abuser, he just can't see yet that the pot does cause problems, so you are a big step ahead of him.
You can't spend your life dwelling on what could have been, no matter if you feel you want to, or need to, it only is serving to hurt you much more, and also I believe you can destroy your spirit,, Your spirit to live,, and to live well. You can get through this Tylerm, you can. I am not in any way trying to be uncaring, or not compassionate, I do feel bad that you love her so much, and the relationship is over. But if you don't move on Tyler, you will only hurt yourself, and your son. You need to do whatever it takes to get help.
I am not trying to push this on you at all, but I am only looking for support for you, and at this point anything that might help, and I am wondering if you could ever get yourself to ever try church? Even once? Maybe it is what you need, if you are tuly hurting and want to feel better, please be willing to try anything that could maybe help. It's worth the chance. I know I really like my Celebrate Recovery group, so supportive, so comforting. I do find alot of comfort there.
That is all I will say about that, I don't want to push you away from talking to me..
I just really want you to get some help Tyler, you are such a smart, caring compassionate person, and I know, because you showed that to me, when I was hurting, and ya know I don't even remember what it is that was bothering me so much, but i remember goign to one of your meetings, and the wonderful support you gave me. I knwo that I took over the meeting with my problem, and I had never been to one of your meetings and you graciously helped me and diddn't com[plain a bit about it, you only supported me.. You are a very kind man..
You do deserve to be happy, and if I knew you personally I might know this for sure, but I know with my son, I dont believe that he truly believe he deserves to be really happy, maybe that is the same with you, do you feel you truly deserve to move on and be happy? Because you do.. So does my son.. It hurts me to see that..
Most importantly Tyler, reach out for help, don't close up, don't leave SR, and only pop in once in a while, you are hurting you should be here getting support..
Don't close up, go inside your own head, that's a dangerous place for any of us, keep talking, keep getting it out, the more you talk about it, the more support you get, the better you may begin to feel..
No one deserves to be so unhappy. Do you believe your ex wants you to live so unhappy? Or do you believe she would like to see the father of her son, the man she was married to move on, and be happy and beable to be a strong father with a strong relationship with your son>? Ya know if she seen that, sshe may feel very much differently about the whole situation. I can tell you for sure something I know as a woman, we love to see the dads of our kids take care of them, emotionally, as well as taking them places spending time with them..It gives me a great feeling and I love my husband so much more when I see him being a good father, caring about his kids.
I only want to help you Tyler. Please let everyone here help you buddy..
You deserve it, just keep telling yourself that.. Because it's so true..
Love ya,
Becky
It is good to log on here and see a posting from you
Makes my day, really!!You did not give me too much info, it is really good to see you posting the things that you really need to post, you do need to talk about that stuff and get it out it out of your head a bit.. It's good to get feedback too, sometimes you might not paticularly ike the feedback, but it's good non the less. Later on, you may look back, and see that
what people had to say was really important, and was right..
I understand the pain of what all happened to your marriage. My son is going through a break-up, and it's not really the same, because he doesn't have the time invested and a child, and he wasn't married, so it is different, but he is suffering,, he calls me everyday, and I go talk with him, he is normally a very closed person who does not express much, he also is a huge pot abuser, he just can't see yet that the pot does cause problems, so you are a big step ahead of him.
You can't spend your life dwelling on what could have been, no matter if you feel you want to, or need to, it only is serving to hurt you much more, and also I believe you can destroy your spirit,, Your spirit to live,, and to live well. You can get through this Tylerm, you can. I am not in any way trying to be uncaring, or not compassionate, I do feel bad that you love her so much, and the relationship is over. But if you don't move on Tyler, you will only hurt yourself, and your son. You need to do whatever it takes to get help.
I am not trying to push this on you at all, but I am only looking for support for you, and at this point anything that might help, and I am wondering if you could ever get yourself to ever try church? Even once? Maybe it is what you need, if you are tuly hurting and want to feel better, please be willing to try anything that could maybe help. It's worth the chance. I know I really like my Celebrate Recovery group, so supportive, so comforting. I do find alot of comfort there.
That is all I will say about that, I don't want to push you away from talking to me..
I just really want you to get some help Tyler, you are such a smart, caring compassionate person, and I know, because you showed that to me, when I was hurting, and ya know I don't even remember what it is that was bothering me so much, but i remember goign to one of your meetings, and the wonderful support you gave me. I knwo that I took over the meeting with my problem, and I had never been to one of your meetings and you graciously helped me and diddn't com[plain a bit about it, you only supported me..
You are a very kind man..You do deserve to be happy, and if I knew you personally I might know this for sure, but I know with my son, I dont believe that he truly believe he deserves to be really happy, maybe that is the same with you, do you feel you truly deserve to move on and be happy? Because you do.. So does my son.. It hurts me to see that..
Most importantly Tyler, reach out for help, don't close up, don't leave SR, and only pop in once in a while, you are hurting you should be here getting support..
Don't close up, go inside your own head, that's a dangerous place for any of us, keep talking, keep getting it out, the more you talk about it, the more support you get, the better you may begin to feel..
No one deserves to be so unhappy. Do you believe your ex wants you to live so unhappy? Or do you believe she would like to see the father of her son, the man she was married to move on, and be happy and beable to be a strong father with a strong relationship with your son>? Ya know if she seen that, sshe may feel very much differently about the whole situation. I can tell you for sure something I know as a woman, we love to see the dads of our kids take care of them, emotionally, as well as taking them places spending time with them..It gives me a great feeling and I love my husband so much more when I see him being a good father, caring about his kids.
I only want to help you Tyler. Please let everyone here help you buddy..
You deserve it, just keep telling yourself that..
Because it's so true..Love ya,
Becky
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