I'm new & addicted to pain killers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2
I'm new & addicted to pain killers
Hi everyone-
My name is Blake and I am addicted to pain killers. I have been on Suboxone therapy for 2 years now and I am trying to get off it. I was on 16mgs to begin with and now on 2mgs and just can't seem to kick it.
I used for 5 years and took 30 a day and lost everything so I got on Methadone. I stayed on that for 3 years and finally got off. I stayed clean for 1 year and got back on pills. I started Sub 2 years ago and now I am trying to get off it.
I really don't have a support group or know anybody else in my situation so that's why i'm here hoping to meet some people that I can relate to.
Thanks
My name is Blake and I am addicted to pain killers. I have been on Suboxone therapy for 2 years now and I am trying to get off it. I was on 16mgs to begin with and now on 2mgs and just can't seem to kick it.
I used for 5 years and took 30 a day and lost everything so I got on Methadone. I stayed on that for 3 years and finally got off. I stayed clean for 1 year and got back on pills. I started Sub 2 years ago and now I am trying to get off it.
I really don't have a support group or know anybody else in my situation so that's why i'm here hoping to meet some people that I can relate to.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: South Alabama
Posts: 7
Hi Blake. I am a long time lurker, and now you get the benefit of my very first post! LOL! I was also addicted to painkillers and did a cold turkey thang. Wasn't pretty, I got no points for style, but it was over and done with in a matter of days.
I have no experience with Suboxone, personally, but I have read of a gradual taper that can minimize the symptoms. Have you either discussed this with your doctor or googled it? I have read you step down like .5 every three days or something like that.
Anybody?
I have no experience with Suboxone, personally, but I have read of a gradual taper that can minimize the symptoms. Have you either discussed this with your doctor or googled it? I have read you step down like .5 every three days or something like that.
Anybody?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
I was on Suboxone and ended with 2mg doses. I had a wonderful addictionologist through the rehab I went to. I think everyone is different. I have a friend from another board who has stayed on Subs per her addiction doc at about the 2mg dose and her doc isn't planning on stepping her down any time soon. I had no problem and just stopped one day. I wanted to be totally off them because I was going through a theraputic drug court and felt that would take me a long way with the judge and it did. Like I said, everyone is different. Keep talking to your doctor, those open lines of communication really kept me on the right track.
Now with fewer opiates!
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Southern New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,405
Originally Posted by ocguy 
I really don't have a support group or know anybody else in my situation so that's why i'm here hoping to meet some people that I can relate to.
Depending on where you are, access to some 12 step support shouldn't be too hard to find. I'd be happy to help you find one in addition to the support you'll get here.
Friend
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: East Coast, Killa
Posts: 372
Hey ocguy, welcome to SR! I echo what Bear has said...seems you have a long hx of drug use, maintenance drugs, relapse- the cycle. Have you ever been to na/aa meetings or some type of support group/recovery program? Have you attempted to change all aspects of your life other than just deleting drugs out of the equation? It takes learning new behaviors and choosing healthy options in your life while on the maintenance drugs to use them to their full benefit and potential. What I mean is-- it's great that you've had the opportunity w/the subs...but have you used the time they've bought you wisely...to learn how to live productively without drugs? If not, maybe that's why you're not ready to get off them yet? I encourage you to search the forum for any questions you might have about suboxone taper or detox as well as research AA/NA in your area...then come back and post any questions you have!
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I also had the exact same thought, have you been to any AA or NA Meetings? No, you dont have to be an alcoholic to go to AA Meetings, however some groups do require that one "be or say they are an alcoholic" to go to closed Meetings. Where I live at, there are so many more AA Meetings than NA Meetings so that's mainly why I go more to AA.
For many years, I thought that if I just stop doing dope and drinking, then everything else would fall into place. Boy, was I ever wrong! Doing that just simply left me feeling everything that I had been medicating for years. And did I ever feel it! lol I was no longer just a hateful dopefiend, I was a hateful, clean dopefiend! Yikes!
As others have said, Recovery is about changing your thoughts, actions and behaviors and to do this, you have to change the people, places and things in your life. You're reaching out here for support which is great, I hope you'll get to some Meetings. Meetings also brought so many healthy friendships into my life that I would have never found anywhere else.
I hope you'll stick around, read around the forums, post where you like and again, welcome to the SR Family.
Peace,
Judy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2
I just want to feel normal
First off, I just wanted to say a heartfelt Thank You to those of you that responded. This is incredibly difficult for me to talk about my addiction and past. I am such a private person however I thought I would go ahead try.
I have been to AA before but it has been years. I first got sober 12 years ago and quit drinking. I did go to AA regularly but absolutely hated it and felt like I could never be myself. I stayed sober for about 5 years and then after taking hydrocodone I was instantly hooked.
I am trying to get off it but I am having a hard time. After I got off Methadone I became severly depressed and I am currently taking meds for that. I just want to be a normal person again. I kind of have become a prisoner in my own home. I feel at this point my life is just a complete waste. Deep down I think I know why I keep medicating I just don't want to deal with it. Stuff that I would never tell to a group. I know I should run to a meeting but it's easier said then done. I have come to accept the fact that this is as good as it's going to get. I just need to make a decision to quit taking suboxone and hope for the best.
Thanks
I have been to AA before but it has been years. I first got sober 12 years ago and quit drinking. I did go to AA regularly but absolutely hated it and felt like I could never be myself. I stayed sober for about 5 years and then after taking hydrocodone I was instantly hooked.
I am trying to get off it but I am having a hard time. After I got off Methadone I became severly depressed and I am currently taking meds for that. I just want to be a normal person again. I kind of have become a prisoner in my own home. I feel at this point my life is just a complete waste. Deep down I think I know why I keep medicating I just don't want to deal with it. Stuff that I would never tell to a group. I know I should run to a meeting but it's easier said then done. I have come to accept the fact that this is as good as it's going to get. I just need to make a decision to quit taking suboxone and hope for the best.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,401
Originally Posted by ocguy
I feel at this point my life is just a complete waste. Deep down I think I know why I keep medicating I just don't want to deal with it. Stuff that I would never tell to a group. I know I should run to a meeting but it's easier said then done. I have come to accept the fact that this is as good as it's going to get. I just need to make a decision to quit taking suboxone and hope for the best. Thanks
First off: Welcome to SR! Your first post sounded like dozens that I have read in the few months that I have been a member of SR. So many of us have similar stories. As I suspected, I scrolled down after reading your post and saw that you were made welcome. This is a wonderful source of support. I was going to hold off on saying my hello (a bit busy at the moment) until I read: "I just need to make a decision to quit taking suboxone and hope for the best." I was all ready to play cheerleader when I read the first part. Then, I read the second part and my heart cried out, "No! No! You can't just hope for the best!
Blake, you've got to set yourself up to succeed, not to fail. I started taking Suboxone without really wanting to be on replacement therapy. However, I know that I would be back to my oxys by now if I had quit c/t and "hoped for the best." I will not stop the suboxone until I know that I have a good chance at having success.
In order to work towards that goal, I've signed up for IOP (Intensive Outpatient Programming). I attend 4-6 AA/NA meetings a week. I'll be getting a sponsor with whom I will be working through the steps. I also correspond regularly with an experienced SR member. I am doing all this even though when I first started posting on SR I assured everyone that I would rather die than to reveal my innermost secrets to a therapist (you know, one-on-one, behind closed doors, doctor-patient confidentiality, and all that). I didn't care how private the session would be. I would speak to NO ONE face-to-face.
I did/do all this because I had/have an image to maintain. It was my life. Well, it still is my life. I've got a long way to go. So, I'm not going to pretend to have a whole lot of experience and great advice. There are many on here who are able to do that for you. I just had to jump in and tell you that I think that it's a big mistake to do what you've indicated.
Maybe what has helped me can help you. Maybe you would like to try posting on SR for awhile. Get some responses and get to know people. Ask for friends and send private messages. Read the past posts and blogs of members and find people you think can be of real help. Start confiding in those individuals. Maybe you will gradually become comfortable with what is inside of you and then be able to seek out a support group, get a sponsor, and start working a program. If you are anything like me, I can assure you that when you jump off that suboxone and what is inside of you is still there... you, my dear friend, are going to medicate. You won't be able to resist.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Just wanted to say welcome to SR.com. Lots of us here have been right where you're at, at one or many points in our lives.
I just wanted to offer a word of encouragement. I had a pretty long history of OC and vicodin abuse, I weaned down from about 16mg/day of subs to 2mg/day, and stepped off. I detoxed under my moms lock and key, felt like utter crap for about a week, but started attending meetings of AA and NA on day three of my detox. I went to tons of meetings early on.
I didn't give much thought to whether or not I 'liked it', or whether or not I felt I could 'be myself', or whether or not I felt 'comfortable'. I kinda figured I was there to learn how to live sober, and that if I didn't do so, I was likely gonna die. I stopped trying to 'run the show', as it were, and became WILLING and honest. I followed the suggestions of the people in the program who'd gotten to where I wanted to be. I read the literature I was told to read. I even prayed a lot, even though I didn't (and still don't) really even believe in 'God', per se. I tried to keep in mind that MY BEST THINKING was what got to me to where I ended up, so I decided I'd stop thinking so much.
And now, I have over 20 months of clean time under my belt, my life is put back together, I have a great job, wonderful girlfriend, a bunch of money saved, a lot more healthy relationships, sober friends, etc, etc, etc. Life isn't always a rose garden, but it's one hell of a lot easier, and better, than it was when I was using.
You can do this to my friend. The keys are honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. Being open to following suggestions. Listening instead of talking. Following, instead of trying to be the leader. Recognizing that YOU ... are not in charge of much. 'Turning it over' to some kind of Higher Power (of YOUR understanding) on a regular basis. You need to change how you think about things that happen in life, and how you are going to act upon them.
In short, what I'm trying to tell you is ... get back to 'the rooms'. Forget about whether or not you 'like it', etc. Step out of your comfort zone. Stop doing what YOU THINK you need or would like to do, because guess what? You are probably WRONG, and the people that have ACTUALLY BEEN CLEAN for awhile ... they are probably a lot closer to 'right' than whatever thinking you, an active drug addict, have come up with.
It took me awhile to accept this notion that I really didn't know s*it about how to get clean and stay clean. After all, I am a very well educated and intelligent person. None of that means squat in the face of addiction. My thinking was f***ed up. I'd have sworn up and down it wasn't, but now I know it was.
Speaking as someone who's been there and done that, I highly advise you to reach out for help, start attending some kind of meetings and/or outpatient treatment, and start doing the things that people who've gotten to where you want to get tell you to do. No matter how much you are thinking it's what you DON'T need to do.
Good luck my friend. I'm living proof. What you want to do ... it can be done. But you aren't gonna be able to do it on your own. Cause if you knew how to do it ... you'd have already done it. A LONG time ago
I just wanted to offer a word of encouragement. I had a pretty long history of OC and vicodin abuse, I weaned down from about 16mg/day of subs to 2mg/day, and stepped off. I detoxed under my moms lock and key, felt like utter crap for about a week, but started attending meetings of AA and NA on day three of my detox. I went to tons of meetings early on.
I didn't give much thought to whether or not I 'liked it', or whether or not I felt I could 'be myself', or whether or not I felt 'comfortable'. I kinda figured I was there to learn how to live sober, and that if I didn't do so, I was likely gonna die. I stopped trying to 'run the show', as it were, and became WILLING and honest. I followed the suggestions of the people in the program who'd gotten to where I wanted to be. I read the literature I was told to read. I even prayed a lot, even though I didn't (and still don't) really even believe in 'God', per se. I tried to keep in mind that MY BEST THINKING was what got to me to where I ended up, so I decided I'd stop thinking so much.
And now, I have over 20 months of clean time under my belt, my life is put back together, I have a great job, wonderful girlfriend, a bunch of money saved, a lot more healthy relationships, sober friends, etc, etc, etc. Life isn't always a rose garden, but it's one hell of a lot easier, and better, than it was when I was using.
You can do this to my friend. The keys are honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. Being open to following suggestions. Listening instead of talking. Following, instead of trying to be the leader. Recognizing that YOU ... are not in charge of much. 'Turning it over' to some kind of Higher Power (of YOUR understanding) on a regular basis. You need to change how you think about things that happen in life, and how you are going to act upon them.
In short, what I'm trying to tell you is ... get back to 'the rooms'. Forget about whether or not you 'like it', etc. Step out of your comfort zone. Stop doing what YOU THINK you need or would like to do, because guess what? You are probably WRONG, and the people that have ACTUALLY BEEN CLEAN for awhile ... they are probably a lot closer to 'right' than whatever thinking you, an active drug addict, have come up with.
It took me awhile to accept this notion that I really didn't know s*it about how to get clean and stay clean. After all, I am a very well educated and intelligent person. None of that means squat in the face of addiction. My thinking was f***ed up. I'd have sworn up and down it wasn't, but now I know it was.
Speaking as someone who's been there and done that, I highly advise you to reach out for help, start attending some kind of meetings and/or outpatient treatment, and start doing the things that people who've gotten to where you want to get tell you to do. No matter how much you are thinking it's what you DON'T need to do.
Good luck my friend. I'm living proof. What you want to do ... it can be done. But you aren't gonna be able to do it on your own. Cause if you knew how to do it ... you'd have already done it. A LONG time ago
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