PugDec

Advice and/or personal experiences.

My gf, and hopefully future wife is currently using meth. She's lying about it and trying to hide it from me.

*this is my first post...help!

biminiblue

Meth is a horrible drug and changes the essence of who a person is. It creates insanity faster than any other drug, in my opinion.

My suggestion is to run, seriously. No boundaries are likely to make any difference.

PugDec

Thank you for responding.

I certainly agree it is a horrible, nasty, evil drug! I'm not ready to give up on the relationship. She is otherwise a great match for me. I want to help her get through this.

I hope boundaries will make her uncomfortable to the point of making changes

trailmix

Boundaries are for you, not rules for her and are never meant to be a punishment. Plus really, why would you want to make her life uncomfortable? What you are planning may well backfire. When you try to come between an addict and their drug, you can easily become the enemy.

Really, all the ultimatums and rules and nagging and even love in the world will not stop her from using her drug of choice unless she is willing to, for herself.

You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's).

I would recommend a couple of things that might help. First of all the most often recommended book in the friends and family forum - Codependent no more, by Melody Beattie. I'm not saying you are codependent (or not) - I don't know! But it covers boundaries in relationships and lots of other helpful things.

Second, you may want to read the threads over in the Friends and Family of Alcoholics Forum. I'm sure many of the threads/stories over there will resonate with you.

Learn all you can about addiction (for yourself, not for her).

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

PugDec

[QUOTE=trailmix;7837420]Boundaries are for you, not rules for her and are never meant to be a punishment. Plus really, why would you want to make her life uncomfortable?

I may have worded my statement a confusing way before...

Boundaries for me, yes. My hopes are she realizes she is risking our relationship. That at some point she sees a choice of either continuing to slam meth or get help. Getting help means the rest of her life with me and her together. I can't handle many more tirades and aggression from her. She has a daughter living with us which shows me how much of a hold this has on her...ugh.

biminiblue

The absolute best boundary would be to put her out. Having an illegal drug in the house could cause legal issues for you, too, ya know?

It's got to be hard though. I would be more worried about the daughter. Is the daughter getting any counseling or help? Is it possible for the daughter to stay with other family? I'd be telling the rest of the family about the meth. This is really bad all the way around.