manda2dope

Hello,
A friend showed me this forum so I made an account and figured I'd make a post...
So ... I've been an addict and used drugs on and off since I was about 14. I just turned 35 in November. My drug of choice has always been pain pills. When I was younger it was lortab or any other kind of pain killer really. I definitely had issues with depression. At 18 I started taking Oxy. For a long time I only took them orally. At a certain point I turned to snorting them and that's still what I do. When oxy got too expensive I quit but never stopped with other pain pills on and off. Anyway when I was 19 my best friend killed himself which sent me on a downward spiral for years. Besides the emotional pain I started having alot of physical pain as well n started drinking from about 20-24 and had to use librium to quit drinking (I quit drinking in Sept 2011).

I've used pain pills on and off still since then. I would have described myself as a functioning addict. What I mean is ... even when I use I don't use huge amounts. I don't get high anymore but it helps me cope. I have a partner and we've been together 10+ years and we have an 8 year old son. I've never spent money that I should have spent on my kid. His needs have always been met and I'm always able to take care of him.

we've shared a house with my mom. To say her and I were close is a huge understatement. January 22nd she passed away suddenly and I found her. I think my mind has just gone into survival mode just so I can get through some of it. We got some money after her death. Again, I haven't been doing huge amounts but am using. I was getting Adderall for awhile because it was cheaper and helped with energy. Then because of withdrawals from that I'd been getting oxygen 5s. I was working my way down for awhile. But now I'm back to where I started. When I ran out of them this last time I felt like I couldn't cope. I definitely felt some withdrawal symptoms but more over I'm just a mess emotionally and couldn't get out of bed. So I ended up getting some more. My son's bday was yesterday and I had to get shopping done. I promised to take him to do something tomorrow. And Easter is Sunday. I have about enough to last through Sunday ...

So I've been contemplating what I'm going to do from there. I know this is going to have to come to an end sooner than later. I've been thinking about trying to find some suboxon because at this point I for real can't handle withdrawals with all the other emotional **** I've got going on right now. I'm guessing not but is there anything else I could try/do to help with the withdrawals? I'm just so lost right now.

I know I'm going to have to get sober. But right now I'm not even coping ... just kind of distracting myself and trying to get by moment to moment then day to day. I've talked to my partner about it so he is aware, I just haven't explained every little detail at this point. I know a doctor I can see as well who can help me, prescribe me suboxon until I'm at a point where I can cut that out too. But there's no way I'd be able to get in before I run out.

Dunno what I'm asking for ... advice? Anything I could do to lessen the withdrawals? It's not even that I don't want to get sober at all. I just feel like I don't want to get sober right now. It's the one thing that's helping me cope, helping me get out of bed and able to do what I need (cleaning, laundry, etc because I'm a stay at home mom. At one point I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia years ago but haven't gone back since so at some point I need to deal with that as well).

Dee74

I have no experience to share but I wanted to welcome
The support and advice here can really help - I’m glad you found us manda

D

larrylive

Happy Easter Man,

Well, by now your realizing this is not the quick and easy way to find....life.
My drug of chaos was crack, for the last few years I have been involved with
addiction recovery and street homeless outreach.

I hope you come back, would love to "chat".

In the mean time, find a place to isolate and keep on distracting yourself.

Regards,
Larry

stickyone

I too am recovering from opiate abuse. I was on pain medication for many years as you are. I began to abuse my prescription medication over time. My doctor was actually going to increase my dosage before I had came clean about my abuse. It was the biggest step and commitment in my recovery. That destructive path is done i am listed as high risk opiate user. I could never taper lol The mental part is very hard and why most relapse not because of the physical addiction. But the physical can be hell the first week. You can do it. Hard work one day at a time