A new life after PAWS
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 34
A new life after PAWS
I'm posting again to update my journey, since I have made a considerable step, I am 29 years old moving out into another city and trying to grow professionally. I was a gay man living in a conservative rural area before and it didnt have a lot of potential so now I'm taking a leap of faith, I was just tired of living there! Backstory I used to use this forum a lot when I first had PAWS four years ago, and never would've thought this would be doable back then. Two years ago I though I recovered but smoked marijuana and it triggered something that made PAWS symptoms come back. They have never really subsided but gotten better. It is like my brain is sensitive now to multiple substances. I can not longer consume alcohol coffee or take antibiotics without symptoms flaring up. It royally sucks !
Things have gotten better. A little. I've learned a lot about myself over the last four years. More than I ever learned in high school or expensive college where I wasted lots of time doing drugs. It has been a real test on my character and my sanity. Insomnia, crippling anxiety, mild hallucinations, horrible nightmares, depression, feeling like I was high for no reason, feeling like I was having a stroke. So much suffering. The pain I've gone through feels overwhelming looking back but I made it. I still have symptoms, but they are more mild now.
I mourn the loss of my old life. I think of the direction I was going and think now, what could have been if I didn't have PAWS? Would it had been positive? Would I have become more of an addict? I was more of a binge person, never really thought of myself having a problem until PAWS hit. Maybe PAWS was the sign I needed. I really took so much for granted, I was so careless and stupid! Looking at my old life and the past I feel truly sorry. I used to be very social but now it exhausts me, so I am more withdrawn. I really feel like I blew it, and theres no getting my old brain back. I fantasize about being able to go back in time sometimes, the pain feels so bad. I miss the feeling of feeling young and invincible, but maybe that is normal. The bright side is I found out who my true friends are and have learned the value of patience and determination.
Going forward i plan to continue my sober lifestyle, symptoms will improve hopefully more, and trying to find some sense of meaning and purpose again in my life I thought I had, that was robbed from me by my own substance abuse and selfishness. Thank you to people on here who have given me advice over these past four years. I am very grateful for your wisdom. I may update again in a year or so, until then I wish everyone the best.
Things have gotten better. A little. I've learned a lot about myself over the last four years. More than I ever learned in high school or expensive college where I wasted lots of time doing drugs. It has been a real test on my character and my sanity. Insomnia, crippling anxiety, mild hallucinations, horrible nightmares, depression, feeling like I was high for no reason, feeling like I was having a stroke. So much suffering. The pain I've gone through feels overwhelming looking back but I made it. I still have symptoms, but they are more mild now.
I mourn the loss of my old life. I think of the direction I was going and think now, what could have been if I didn't have PAWS? Would it had been positive? Would I have become more of an addict? I was more of a binge person, never really thought of myself having a problem until PAWS hit. Maybe PAWS was the sign I needed. I really took so much for granted, I was so careless and stupid! Looking at my old life and the past I feel truly sorry. I used to be very social but now it exhausts me, so I am more withdrawn. I really feel like I blew it, and theres no getting my old brain back. I fantasize about being able to go back in time sometimes, the pain feels so bad. I miss the feeling of feeling young and invincible, but maybe that is normal. The bright side is I found out who my true friends are and have learned the value of patience and determination.
Going forward i plan to continue my sober lifestyle, symptoms will improve hopefully more, and trying to find some sense of meaning and purpose again in my life I thought I had, that was robbed from me by my own substance abuse and selfishness. Thank you to people on here who have given me advice over these past four years. I am very grateful for your wisdom. I may update again in a year or so, until then I wish everyone the best.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I'm glad to hear from you Thompson and glad things are improving.
I hope they'll continue to improve so that you won't feel a sense of loss anymore but a sense of excitement and promise about your future.
Have faith that can and will happen.
No one else knows what your best life looks like but you.
Build a sober life you love
D
I hope they'll continue to improve so that you won't feel a sense of loss anymore but a sense of excitement and promise about your future.
Have faith that can and will happen.
No one else knows what your best life looks like but you.
Build a sober life you love
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I'm glad to hear from you Thompson and glad things are improving.
I hope they'll continue to improve so that you won't feel a sense of loss anymore but a sense of excitement and promise about your future.
Have faith that can and will happen.
No one else knows what your best life looks like but you.
Build a sober life you love
D
I hope they'll continue to improve so that you won't feel a sense of loss anymore but a sense of excitement and promise about your future.
Have faith that can and will happen.
No one else knows what your best life looks like but you.
Build a sober life you love
D
Good to hear from you as well, D. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 213
Originally Posted by Thompson21
I'm posting again to update my journey, since I have made a considerable step, I am 29 years old moving out into another city and trying to grow professionally. I was a gay man living in a conservative rural area before and it didnt have a lot of potential so now I'm taking a leap of faith, I was just tired of living there! Backstory I used to use this forum a lot when I first had PAWS four years ago, and never would've thought this would be doable back then. Two years ago I though I recovered but smoked marijuana and it triggered something that made PAWS symptoms come back. They have never really subsided but gotten better. It is like my brain is sensitive now to multiple substances. I can not longer consume alcohol coffee or take antibiotics without symptoms flaring up. It royally sucks !
Things have gotten better. A little. I've learned a lot about myself over the last four years. More than I ever learned in high school or expensive college where I wasted lots of time doing drugs. It has been a real test on my character and my sanity. Insomnia, crippling anxiety, mild hallucinations, horrible nightmares, depression, feeling like I was high for no reason, feeling like I was having a stroke. So much suffering. The pain I've gone through feels overwhelming looking back but I made it. I still have symptoms, but they are more mild now.
I mourn the loss of my old life. I think of the direction I was going and think now, what could have been if I didn't have PAWS? Would it had been positive? Would I have become more of an addict? I was more of a binge person, never really thought of myself having a problem until PAWS hit. Maybe PAWS was the sign I needed. I really took so much for granted, I was so careless and stupid! Looking at my old life and the past I feel truly sorry. I used to be very social but now it exhausts me, so I am more withdrawn. I really feel like I blew it, and theres no getting my old brain back. I fantasize about being able to go back in time sometimes, the pain feels so bad. I miss the feeling of feeling young and invincible, but maybe that is normal. The bright side is I found out who my true friends are and have learned the value of patience and determination.
Going forward i plan to continue my sober lifestyle, symptoms will improve hopefully more, and trying to find some sense of meaning and purpose again in my life I thought I had, that was robbed from me by my own substance abuse and selfishness. Thank you to people on here who have given me advice over these past four years. I am very grateful for your wisdom. I may update again in a year or so, until then I wish everyone the best.
Things have gotten better. A little. I've learned a lot about myself over the last four years. More than I ever learned in high school or expensive college where I wasted lots of time doing drugs. It has been a real test on my character and my sanity. Insomnia, crippling anxiety, mild hallucinations, horrible nightmares, depression, feeling like I was high for no reason, feeling like I was having a stroke. So much suffering. The pain I've gone through feels overwhelming looking back but I made it. I still have symptoms, but they are more mild now.
I mourn the loss of my old life. I think of the direction I was going and think now, what could have been if I didn't have PAWS? Would it had been positive? Would I have become more of an addict? I was more of a binge person, never really thought of myself having a problem until PAWS hit. Maybe PAWS was the sign I needed. I really took so much for granted, I was so careless and stupid! Looking at my old life and the past I feel truly sorry. I used to be very social but now it exhausts me, so I am more withdrawn. I really feel like I blew it, and theres no getting my old brain back. I fantasize about being able to go back in time sometimes, the pain feels so bad. I miss the feeling of feeling young and invincible, but maybe that is normal. The bright side is I found out who my true friends are and have learned the value of patience and determination.
Going forward i plan to continue my sober lifestyle, symptoms will improve hopefully more, and trying to find some sense of meaning and purpose again in my life I thought I had, that was robbed from me by my own substance abuse and selfishness. Thank you to people on here who have given me advice over these past four years. I am very grateful for your wisdom. I may update again in a year or so, until then I wish everyone the best.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
