Former users, a question about honesty, betrayal and disease
 

I’ve just found out that my “partner” of 7 years is Hep C positive. He doesn’t drink alcohol or use any illegal drugs at all. There is absolutely no evidence that he has used in the last 25 years. I am 48.

Are there any former or current IVDU here who can help me understand why my partner would lie to me about his hep c status for so long? Have any of you ever done this to someone you claim to be in a forever relationship with? Why? I’m also in need of some hints on how to approach him about this. I tried to find a nar anon meeting but there are none in my town.

My devastation on finding out about the hep c is because I found out by accident. My partner has never disclosed his hep c status to me. In fact, he has told me that all his tests had come back negative and he was as clean as a whistle. I’ve seen the relatively recent paperwork, which he thought he had hidden, and now know that this is not true. He is clean, but not for hep c.

My feelings around this are very mixed. I realise that telling others you have hep c can be embarrassing and shameful, I really, really get that. I realise that the possibility of transmission from sex and general living together, without sharing a needle with him, is very low. But taking that risk is my decision to make, not his. I have now been knowingly exposed to a virus without my consent.

Yesterday I had myself tested for everything and am waiting on the results. Whichever way my results come back I still need to address this and I’m really scared.

I am raging with fury but haven’t told my partner I know. I’m interested in all experiences if anyone is willing to share.

When you say, "...for so long," did your partner know for the whole seven years that he was Hep C positive? Or did he recently find out.

I ask because a good friend of mine was treated for Hep C years after he could have possibly contracted it, and all that time not knowing he had it.

i'm curious why you haven't shared this new found knowledge about your partner WITH your partner?

From what I accidentally saw he may have known but I can't be certain. There was an earlier date I saw which indicates he ought to have known from at least 2010. However, as a raging co-dependent I have rationalised this as he probably never found out those earlier test results. Regardless, he's known about the latest lot of results for many months now.

Thank you for the question. It's very relevant and something I need to look into myself for to find the answer.

One reason is that I am really scared of his reaction. So, yes, I am frightened of his anger and I am frightened of arguments. I was cleaning when I found the paperwork. He had obviously tried to hide it because I moved some furniture to clean up and it was hidden, shoved under. He obviously doesn't want me to know and he's known for many months now. There was also paperwork for more tests and specialists which have not been completed or obviously, submitted or used.

I will get back with an update when I know my own results. He's been arguing with me all morning and basically said he is leaving me anyway. 20 minutes ago he was clutching his liver while he yelled. He still doesn't know I know. Perhaps it's better all round if he just leaves me. Part of me thinks he set this argument up (and the last few months of arguments) because it's easier for him to leave than to tell me? It probably is.

I'm hep c negative. He is still leaving me but won't give me a date. My Dr. harassed me about other issues I have developed.

Can't wait to grow old, alone, sick & broke. It's a right 24/7 party out there for middle aged women W00T.

I know you were being sarcastic Mishelli but it really can be a 24/7 party out there. My husband of over 16yrs left me pretty much out of the blue when I was only a few years younger than you. At the time, I felt much as you have expressed about starting over as a middle-aged woman with nothing. I was fuming and scared, I had given him my best years and he walked out leaving me feeling like a broken-down old nag. I was completely overwhelmed by the prospect of starting out on my own in mid-life.

Boy was I wrong! Within 3 months of his leaving I started to feel and look younger, I made new friends, got out more, started to like myself again, recognised the person looking back at me in the mirror for the first time in years. Yeah, it still hurt but I started to feel hope. From there it just got better and better. I grew happier, healthier, wealthier (I started a business) and was generally having a ball. A few years on I met my current husband who is a thousand times a better, kinder man than my ex. Life is good.

So don't write yourself off just yet. :)