I have been on and off this forum for some time. I wasnít ready. I am now. Iím tired of the rat race.. the stuff I do to try and chase the high..
I am a caregiver for my mother and moved back home to be there to help with her rheumatoid arthritis and congestive heart failure. She is doing well. Sometimes she wakes up before I have had my dose of opiates and I fake that I was asleep. Iíll say: ďOh let me get an hour of sleepĒ - when I mean ďlet me try and get high so Iím in a better frame of mind.Ē
I have found my depression is pretty bad.. and Iíve been using my legitimately prescribed medicine more to try and be happy while going day to day.. I have a herniated disc.. and have had surgery, but my back is much like my relativesí. We just have bad backs..genetically.
So the prescription lasts a week.. then I use kratom to be happy until I can get my refill. Iím done. Iím going to have my Mom hold my medicine next month and give me the proper dosage. Clearly I cannot trust myself. Iím an addict.
I know all to well the withdrawal symptoms. I donít care. Once Iím through them I wonít have to do them again. Iím only worried about the depression. I am going to focus on weight loss and find happiness through exercise. Itís a win-win. I lose weight and my back wonít hurt as much while I find happiness naturally.
Why am I posting? Does exercise help with depression? Yes Iíve checked with my doc and she wants me exercising ASAP.
In a nutshell, I need to get my life in order.. a better job - but need to lose weight. Need to stop abusing my medicine and find happiness through a better diet and exercise.. I just havenít been ready to mentally/nor have I been mature enough. Iím done wallowing in self-pity. Iím just done chasing the high that I donít necessarily get anymore.. all I get is a level of guilt and shame that I cannot deal with.. the depression will hopefully subside with exercise.. mind you I havenít really exercised in a few years.. it has to be the answer - right?
Before you ask:
35 years old
abusing ~50mg norco daily
Hoping exercise and diet make me happy and I can utilize my meds for what they are intended to be used for.
What do I need to know? Will exercise and diet help? Looking to find happiness naturally as antidepressants have never really worked. Was always told to exercise but never did.
Thanks for your support and thoughts.