Alisha2928

So I have been clean for about 3 years. I have these thoughts about how fun it would be to get high again... It's a thought and not an urge. The thought comes into my mind and then i push it right back out. I am trying to figure out why it happens. It isnt often. I lost everything because of my drugs use, my kids, i was homeless etc... and I worked hard and got it all back. Why am I still thinking it would be fun? Obviously I will not act on this. I can't lose them all again.

Alisha2928

Great

Chance219

Hey, Alisha - I'm not a professional, just another grateful recovering addict. I think what you are experiencing is what many would call your "addict voice" rearing it's ugly head. For myself, even though I know that to use again would lead to total self destruction and be insanity: all the hurt, the loss, the physical/mental/emotional toll that it took on myself and everyone who loves me... there is still that "addict voice" that wants to try to romanticize drug use. From my personal experience and from hearing other addicts over the years, we are not alone in this, it's pretty common. I think the only "why" is because we are recovering addicts, and I'm fairly confident that's what I'll always be. Recovering. I let addiction consume me at one point - it ran my entire life and tried to kill me. The beast within me (my addict voice) will attempt to rear it's head now and again, but like you describe I just push it out: I tell it that it's a liar, a thief, and that it wants to kill me.

Take care and I hope you can find the answers you are looking for.

Dee74

Hi Alisha

I try not to over think it. We have those thoughts because over years, we've become addicted to something.

I always say it's not the thoughts that define our recovery - but how we respond to those thoughts

I'm not troubled by the voice anymore but I've been at this 12 years.

For that voice to be silenced and neutered I had to do two things - stay clean and sober and be happy living that way.

Stuff like that doesn't happen overnight.

Work hard at building a sober life you love,m but also try and be patient is the best advice I can give

D

tomls

I had a colonoscopy last year, my 5th one. I have to get them every 5 years. I used to kinda look forward to them cause I got to get knocked out by drugs and it was ok. This last time I didn't enjoy it at all.

Siii