this is my first post here. I feel like the title speaks for itself. I’m so sick of the person alcohol has made me become and what my life has come to. Never did I ever think this would be my life. I am so disgusted with myself and I know I need to change but I have absolutely no idea how. I want to stop drinking so bad but I can’t seem to stop and that scares me. It also scares me the amount of alcohol I consume daily. I don’t just binge drink several times a week or just in the evenings. I drink ALL DAY LONG. I’m talking from 8:00am in the morning until I pass out some time at night. I have to sleep it off at some point in the mid morning/day but after I wake up I start all over again. I am a writer and at first, the alcohol was doing “wonders” for my creativity but now I can barely concentrate to write 500 words. I would consider myself a functioning alcoholic because I can still take care of my kids and do what needs to be done for the most part but I know what I am doing can’t be good for my body and my family deserves way more than a the tipsy version of myself that I give. I’m afraid to admit what I am going through to anyone. I have told my husband but to be honest he isn’t much better off than me. We both enable each other I think and he doesn’t think he has a problem like I think I do. I will admit that I drink more than he does but we both drink way more than we should and everyday. I’m afraid to my addiction to anyone else, especially my parents...but as I slip deeper into it, my handle on things loosens even more. I am so afraid and have never felt more alone in this life.

Dee74 thank you for your reply! Ive never spoken with a past all day drinker like myself and I have some questions for you. Number one, and most obvious, how the hell did you stop? I’ve been able to stop for a a few days a couple of times but that is it. It seems like every stressful situation triggers me and it doesn’t help that there is a lot of issues going on in my life right now. One thing you said really stuck out to me and it was about thinking that you are functioning but you really aren’t....that’s most likely what I’m doing now.

thank you so much and it really is. I had no idea how tough alcoholism really was. I remember before it plagued me, I used to look down on a family friend that was going through it. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t just STOP drinking. It would have solved all of his problems but I get it now, sadly.

Dee74 to be honest with you....it hasn’t been going well. I am going through some things in my marriage and it has pushed me to drink even more. I’m trying like hell to fight the urges but it’s like I can’t even feel happy without alcohol in my system. And I do feel like I need to go to some meetings or something Vick1 but that scares me for some reason but I know I can’t fight this alone. I’ve tried and fail every time. I need people who have been on this journey or are going through this journey around me. I just don’t know if my husband will understand or what I will do if any of my family were to find out. I don’t know why that prospect scares me so much but it does. I would feel a thousand times more ashamed than I already do if they knew.