Started Suboxone...Unsure of everything
 

So I finally got into a suboxone program because I just couldn't keep up with my oxycodone habit and having to keep coming off everytime I ran out of drugs. My problem is I feel I've messed this up as well.

They started me out at 8mg and I felt pretty good the first time I took it. I definitely noticed it was working. I guess you could say I was somewhat high from it.

Well having felt good and being an addict I immediately wanted more so the next day decided to up my dose, and then I began taking 12-16 mg and just told them I didn't feel quite right that's why I was upping the dose. They said it would be fine to up the dose if I didn't feel right but in actuality I was just chasing a better feeling.

Now I feel terrible because when I started the program I don't think my heart was really in it to get clean. It was a way to guarantee I had a fix everyday. And I feel even worse that instead of sticking to the 8 mg which would probably have sufficed I had to increase it. Now I don't always feel satisfied with the 8 mg if I try to stick with just that. The doctor thinks 12 mg is where I should be, but I've read conflicting stuff on the internet that you don't need high doses of suboxone.

After I had upped my dose to 16 mg I then went down to 8 mg for two days and then took 12 mg and felt "high" again.

I'm wondering if this medication is gonna only do more harm to me then good because I'm still chasing that opiate high.

Please keep your doctor informed and be honest. Have you thought of getting any counceling?

Getting counseling is mandatory I am in the process of finding one.

I'm just mad at myself that after day 1 of taking it I liked it so much that my addict self took over and I had to start increasing the dose. Doesn't mean anything it was only a few days, but it just pisses me off that I did it.

The first day I took Suboxone I felt wonderful. Happy, super productive...and I wanted more of it. "shaking my head"

Gonna try to move past it. Suboxone for me is a route I think I have to go because I could not function if I didn't have opiates. Not necessarily because I was in physical withdrawal but mentally too. I would turn to other drugs or substances to deal with not having opiates. Suboxone has brought some stability to my life even though it's only been a week.

You are using Suboxone for the wrong reason, as you admit. My son used suboxone to help with heroin withdrawal. However, his reason for using suboxone was to allow him to think more clearly in that he valued kicking his habit. He is now 6 years clean and sober. He got counseling at the same time. Talk to your prescribing doctor and admit to him you are chasing the high. My son would probably tell you that Suboxone without counseling is spinning your wheels.

I'm rooting for you treeguy.

For a while after I quit my drugs of choice, I still thought like that guy.

Change took time and I needed that time and a little distance away from who I used to be.

Using subs is a hard thing to do with that mindset but I've seen here it can be done, as many folks here will tell you.

Find some counselling and come clean with your Dr before you find yourself digging another hole.

Are you going with a recovery programme or method at all?

D

The "program" is going to the clinic which is where they prescribe the subs, and I will be also doing counseling as soon as I find one that's affordable. I've thought about NA as well.

The problem is I'm still chasing the high. I will admit I have in my head planned how I could still use oxycodone but also stay on the suboxone (they drug test you) and not get caught in the drug test. I'm still in my active addiction.

I will say that since starting the suboxone a few weeks ago things have definitely improved overall though I know if I don't change my way of thinking I'm headed for trouble.

That's great on your son being sober. Were the subs the only way for him to kick it? For me I don't think I could just stop because I can't function if I don't have opiates. Did he have any side effects from the subs? Just curious about other people's experience.

Change is a process not an event.

I didn't stop wanting to get wasted once I immediately stopped drinking and toking...

but the fear of where'd that would take me held me in check long enough for me to stay clean and sober, heal a little, change a little, and realise there's a multitude of better ambitions than chasing the next high.

D

22 days clean from Oxycodone with help from suboxone. And just started counseling last week.

One thing I've noticed lately since being clean from oxy is I flare up very easily and flip out over things that maybe aren't always a big deal. I guess I'm so used to living being high on oxy that I'm trying to figure out how to live clean. Obviously the Suboxone makes it easier then it would be because I wouldn't be able to stay clean without it. Something I'm going to have to work on.

Did anyone else notice they seemed to flip out over little things during early recovery?

Yes, I'm on early days of recovery from Methadone but I do get angry for the smallest things. Whenever I see that Im gonna 'act up' just go to my room and lay, knowing that Im gonna regret if I say or do something in anger. My family is so supportive that cant bear to bring them any more pain.

But from what others have told me it passes shortly as we learn to live a sober life + counseling helps a lot.

Im sure we can do it. Rooting for you <treeguy>

Hey I spent a year and a half smoking dope and went off cold turkey for the 4th or 5th time. I'm on day 8 and I really feel pretty darn good (mind you the last 6 months wa's not a daily user, 3days on 2 days off or do)
. I read about subs and said **** that ****. Go to meeting if u need to. Def exercise, do daily small positive changes and choices (surfing instead of sleeping in)
All the small stuff adds up to changing everything as they say.

I can't say just jump off the stuff and the Half life is like 36hrs which would make withdrawal's more annoying. But if you can afford 5 days to get off it might not be a bad idea... talk to the Dr for real though. I'm very happy I'm off it all, and that nasty voice telling you to get high Getz quieter and quieter every day.
make it thru day 3 and 4 and 5 will get better and better

best wishes