Boyfriend addicted to crack is ignoring me.. Feel so bad.
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Join Date: Mar 2018
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Boyfriend addicted to crack is ignoring me.. Feel so bad.
I hope someone can give me some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for five months, I knew he had a history of cocaine addiction but for the first 2 months he was so great to be around. Seemed really keen on me and we both said I love you around the third month.
Now it's all seeming to fall apart. I realise he is smoking crack and has been for 15 years, or at least using other drugs. Also ketamine alongside it. He keeps accusing me of cheating. I've an interest in wicca and he says I'm casting spells on him. He also told me a crazy story about how one of his friends had a demon in him... Actually just high I think... And that he felt wings coming out of his shoulders and he performed an exorcism on him. At fist I thought he was just a bit quirky...
But he's started staying out late, when he comes home I seem to set him off unwittingly and he starts an argument and leaves. A chance remark will make him mad. He smashed my phone too when he was late home and I turned it off.
He says I'm never happy to see him but he doesn't listen when I tell him it's because he's coming round so late. Now he says that he can't be with me like it's my fault and he needs to be alone to sort himself out.
His family have told him to stay away from me for my sake.. And it's been one day and he's ignoring my calls. I feel like I can't handle it. I also self medicate with alcohol when I feel depressed and I do feel so depressed with it all. But I'm worried about him too and want him to get in touch.
I just don't get how he can just change so quickly and be cold. He says Im the one with the problem and I'm not helping him get well. He refuses to go to rehab. His family say he is staying in hostels and in his van but I don't know what to believe. I know I shouldn't but I want to hear from him I miss the guy he was.
Now it's all seeming to fall apart. I realise he is smoking crack and has been for 15 years, or at least using other drugs. Also ketamine alongside it. He keeps accusing me of cheating. I've an interest in wicca and he says I'm casting spells on him. He also told me a crazy story about how one of his friends had a demon in him... Actually just high I think... And that he felt wings coming out of his shoulders and he performed an exorcism on him. At fist I thought he was just a bit quirky...
But he's started staying out late, when he comes home I seem to set him off unwittingly and he starts an argument and leaves. A chance remark will make him mad. He smashed my phone too when he was late home and I turned it off.
He says I'm never happy to see him but he doesn't listen when I tell him it's because he's coming round so late. Now he says that he can't be with me like it's my fault and he needs to be alone to sort himself out.
His family have told him to stay away from me for my sake.. And it's been one day and he's ignoring my calls. I feel like I can't handle it. I also self medicate with alcohol when I feel depressed and I do feel so depressed with it all. But I'm worried about him too and want him to get in touch.
I just don't get how he can just change so quickly and be cold. He says Im the one with the problem and I'm not helping him get well. He refuses to go to rehab. His family say he is staying in hostels and in his van but I don't know what to believe. I know I shouldn't but I want to hear from him I miss the guy he was.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
Welcome, Icemelon!
I am sorry for your difficult situation. As a recovered addict, I can say that there is nothing anyone else could have done to make me stop. It was all up to me.
I suggest you read around and post in the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers section. You will find that forum to be a great source of information and inspiration.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tance-abusers/
I am sorry for your difficult situation. As a recovered addict, I can say that there is nothing anyone else could have done to make me stop. It was all up to me.
I suggest you read around and post in the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers section. You will find that forum to be a great source of information and inspiration.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tance-abusers/
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 219
As suggested, do some reading here and some research on the issue elsewhere. When i realized how bad my wife's addiction was, it was already way too late for her to recover on her own, and her behavior continued to get worse till I kicked her out of the house. She needed to want to recover... so it was up to her to get help.
One thing you should do is to separate yourself from him... it is called "loving from a distance". You can still be concerned for him, but you need to do it at arms length to protect yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. Addicts have a habit of sucking all that brings us joy by drawing us into their drama.
One thing you should do is to separate yourself from him... it is called "loving from a distance". You can still be concerned for him, but you need to do it at arms length to protect yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. Addicts have a habit of sucking all that brings us joy by drawing us into their drama.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 219
Originally Posted by Icemelon 
I really feel like I want to contact him. I just can't rest. Keep feeling like it really was something I did. I just can't stand to call him just to be ignored though. I'm in a sad place right now.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
coke and crack make people crazy. you were not dealing with a nice, clear headed person - you were dealing with someone who was one some pretty serious drugs most of the time.
sorry, he's not the one. he's deep in active addiction and there is just no place for you, nor is that somewhere you want to be.
that it's only been ONE day and you are struggling shines a light of the areas you could focus on. also the self medicating with alcohol. you sound fairly young and this would be an excellent time to get things sorted out and on the road to healthy whole YOU!
sorry, he's not the one. he's deep in active addiction and there is just no place for you, nor is that somewhere you want to be.
that it's only been ONE day and you are struggling shines a light of the areas you could focus on. also the self medicating with alcohol. you sound fairly young and this would be an excellent time to get things sorted out and on the road to healthy whole YOU!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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Hi Icemelon
If even his own family is telling you to stay away I think you really need to think carefully before re-establishing contact.
Addiction is a progressive thing, things tend to get worse unless the addict commits to change. I don;t see any dogn of that here - mostly he's iumfair;ly blaming you for eveythign.
If all of this is making you depressed and making you drink harder its doing you no good either.
I know you love him, and you miss the guy he was - but what if that guy never comes back?
You have to think of the worst case scenarios when thinking about your future here.
I think you deserve better than what you're getting here.
D
His family have told him to stay away from me for my sake.. And it's been one day and he's ignoring my calls. I feel like I can't handle it. I also self medicate with alcohol when I feel depressed and I do feel so depressed with it all. But I'm worried about him too and want him to get in touch.
I just don't get how he can just change so quickly and be cold. He says Im the one with the problem and I'm not helping him get well. He refuses to go to rehab. His family say he is staying in hostels and in his van but I don't know what to believe. I know I shouldn't but I want to hear from him I miss the guy he was.
I just don't get how he can just change so quickly and be cold. He says Im the one with the problem and I'm not helping him get well. He refuses to go to rehab. His family say he is staying in hostels and in his van but I don't know what to believe. I know I shouldn't but I want to hear from him I miss the guy he was.
Addiction is a progressive thing, things tend to get worse unless the addict commits to change. I don;t see any dogn of that here - mostly he's iumfair;ly blaming you for eveythign.
If all of this is making you depressed and making you drink harder its doing you no good either.
I know you love him, and you miss the guy he was - but what if that guy never comes back?
You have to think of the worst case scenarios when thinking about your future here.
I think you deserve better than what you're getting here.
D
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 53
I know, he has scared me with the things he says as they're so unreasonable. And the phone smashing seemed like the beginnings of violence.
Do you think he can stop taking these drugs if he does not get to rehab? It seems like he can manage a couple of days then he's back.
I just feel terrible because we were practically living together and suddenly he us gone and turned his back on me. He just expects me not to react in anyway I think.
Do you think hell get back in touch?
Do you think he can stop taking these drugs if he does not get to rehab? It seems like he can manage a couple of days then he's back.
I just feel terrible because we were practically living together and suddenly he us gone and turned his back on me. He just expects me not to react in anyway I think.
Do you think hell get back in touch?
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 219
Originally Posted by Icemelon
I know, he has scared me with the things he says as they're so unreasonable. And the phone smashing seemed like the beginnings of violence.
Do you think he can stop taking these drugs if he does not get to rehab? It seems like he can manage a couple of days then he's back.
I just feel terrible because we were practically living together and suddenly he us gone and turned his back on me. He just expects me not to react in anyway I think.
Do you think hell get back in touch?
Do you think he can stop taking these drugs if he does not get to rehab? It seems like he can manage a couple of days then he's back.
I just feel terrible because we were practically living together and suddenly he us gone and turned his back on me. He just expects me not to react in anyway I think.
Do you think hell get back in touch?
She knew she had a problem, and she was doing what she could to wrestle the beast that raged within her. In the end, the use got worse, the activities that are associated with it got worse, and finally, she went into rehab. She admitted to me that she was avoiding rehab because she wanted to do this on her own... to beat it. But once she was in rehab and getting treatment, she admitted that the problem was bigger than what she could fix herself.
Your boyfriend is in active addiction, and an active addict can not be expected to solve the problem themselves without professional help. Addicts will believe they have it under control, but anyone on the outside would look at the situation and realize they are delusional. Do not expect an active addict to make the change themselves until they are truly ready to do so... even then, strongly recommend they have professional help in doing so.
Consider yourself lucky that he is gone... however, I have a feeling he will be back when he needs something from you. You must be prepared to say "no" and not let him use you any further.
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 53
He texted me this morning asking how I was, and when I replied he hasn't got back to me. I'm so worried about him and I feel like he is making me act crazy.
I know I should keep away for my own good but it's just hurting me so much. I feel like calling him but I feel like that's what he wants me to do. Like he's playing a game with me now.
He always says he's working etc but I don't know if he really is. His family seem to think he's mostly lying. And that he doesn't want to stay here with me because he needs to be where the drugs are. I feel like I'm as crazy as he is sometimes.
I know I should keep away for my own good but it's just hurting me so much. I feel like calling him but I feel like that's what he wants me to do. Like he's playing a game with me now.
He always says he's working etc but I don't know if he really is. His family seem to think he's mostly lying. And that he doesn't want to stay here with me because he needs to be where the drugs are. I feel like I'm as crazy as he is sometimes.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Ice,
It's possible he's playing a game with you....but if he is, don't play. If he isn't, that's his addiction talking. It's also entirely possible the drugs have messed with his thinking so much he doesn't know what in the world he really wants out of you, out of life, out of anything....except his addiction tells him he wants the next hit. Hang in there hon...sending you a big hug.
It's possible he's playing a game with you....but if he is, don't play. If he isn't, that's his addiction talking. It's also entirely possible the drugs have messed with his thinking so much he doesn't know what in the world he really wants out of you, out of life, out of anything....except his addiction tells him he wants the next hit. Hang in there hon...sending you a big hug.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: ohio
Posts: 173
leave him plain and simple. you cant change anyone and life is to short.
look at dmx, guy was a millionaire and crack ruined his life. has 9 kids he dont see, lost all his money, been to prison a million times, lost all his animals, his wife left him. lost all his movie deals. crack will make people lose everything.
ive had alot of friends die from drugs. even after waking up with tubes in them they still go back to it. the percentage of people ive seen stop is maybe 10% and thats because they wanted to stop. the other 90% did drugs till they died
i had a friend i grew up with, she did so much drugs i had to stop being friends with her. she continued the next 20 years until the drugs basically built up and turned her blood poisonous. she went to the hospital and they couldnt give her anything for withdrawals because she was on antibiotics to get her blood back to normal. she decided to leave the hospital, cop a huge bag of drugs and die on the beach high in front of the sunset. crack will trap you and make you sell your soul
theres a movie called clockers if you never seen it, the head crack dealer talks to a girl who is a crackhead and says something like back in the day she use to be pretty etc and explains how crack destroys people. theres also numerous hip hop documentaries and etc about how bad crack is
basically he loves crack more then you unfortunately. and hell use your love as a crutch because everyone else has already left him. not sure why girls love guys more when guys treat them worse. but you can do better
look at dmx, guy was a millionaire and crack ruined his life. has 9 kids he dont see, lost all his money, been to prison a million times, lost all his animals, his wife left him. lost all his movie deals. crack will make people lose everything.
ive had alot of friends die from drugs. even after waking up with tubes in them they still go back to it. the percentage of people ive seen stop is maybe 10% and thats because they wanted to stop. the other 90% did drugs till they died
i had a friend i grew up with, she did so much drugs i had to stop being friends with her. she continued the next 20 years until the drugs basically built up and turned her blood poisonous. she went to the hospital and they couldnt give her anything for withdrawals because she was on antibiotics to get her blood back to normal. she decided to leave the hospital, cop a huge bag of drugs and die on the beach high in front of the sunset. crack will trap you and make you sell your soul
theres a movie called clockers if you never seen it, the head crack dealer talks to a girl who is a crackhead and says something like back in the day she use to be pretty etc and explains how crack destroys people. theres also numerous hip hop documentaries and etc about how bad crack is
basically he loves crack more then you unfortunately. and hell use your love as a crutch because everyone else has already left him. not sure why girls love guys more when guys treat them worse. but you can do better
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Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
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icemelon, this relationship is 5 months old,right? for the first 2 months two(or three) months it was great?
then red flags started waving,correct?
it has been a 5 month relationship- you truly didnt know who/what he was BEFORE you met him or got into a relationship with him.
lets break it down:
-He says I'm never happy to see him but he doesn't listen when I tell him it's because he's coming round so late.
-He keeps accusing me of cheating.
-says I'm casting spells on him.
-He also told me a crazy story about how one of his friends had a demon in him..
- when he comes home I seem to set him off unwittingly and he starts an argument and leaves
-A chance remark will make him mad.
-He smashed my phone too when he was late home and I turned it off.
- His family have told him to stay away from me for my sake..
( they know him better than you and probably know he found someone to use)
- Now he says that he can't be with me like it's my fault and he needs to be alone to sort himself out.
-I do feel so depressed with it all.
- His family say he is staying in hostels and in his van
all of this in short time and yet:
I just can't stand to call him just to be ignored though
icemelon, there are some extreme problems here- problems with you. with all of the red flags waving just in what you type- flags that say RUN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION AS FAST AS YOU CAN
i hope to may see them now end the insanity and work on you.
then red flags started waving,correct?
it has been a 5 month relationship- you truly didnt know who/what he was BEFORE you met him or got into a relationship with him.
lets break it down:
-He says I'm never happy to see him but he doesn't listen when I tell him it's because he's coming round so late.
-He keeps accusing me of cheating.
-says I'm casting spells on him.
-He also told me a crazy story about how one of his friends had a demon in him..
- when he comes home I seem to set him off unwittingly and he starts an argument and leaves
-A chance remark will make him mad.
-He smashed my phone too when he was late home and I turned it off.
- His family have told him to stay away from me for my sake..
( they know him better than you and probably know he found someone to use)
- Now he says that he can't be with me like it's my fault and he needs to be alone to sort himself out.
-I do feel so depressed with it all.
- His family say he is staying in hostels and in his van
all of this in short time and yet:
I just can't stand to call him just to be ignored though
icemelon, there are some extreme problems here- problems with you. with all of the red flags waving just in what you type- flags that say RUN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION AS FAST AS YOU CAN
i hope to may see them now end the insanity and work on you.
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