a restart
 

okay so i am trying to get clean again, no details or rant posting just simple declaration of i've had enough of what using does to the family in my life, my health and more importantly my sanity
thank you, the two who discouraged me from deleting the account

welcome back NowisNow :)

D

Welcome back, NOWisNOW.
Here when you need us.

u can do it even when ur brain tells u through detox that ur gonna fail or scare u or when ur in pain ride it out we are here for u im on day 8 of heroin withdrawal and even though its been hell and i wanted to quit i was holding on by a string.... i never gave up one day at a time it does get better..

thanks Godsdrummer
the loop that has drawn me back in repeatedly is the thought that 'a little would be nice and that's all i'll do' then the phenomenon of craving totally jumps rail till i collapse
made a genuine 7 months complete sobriety but let myself return to 'casual usage' it wasn't relapse, i chose to use again 1st of December, three times in each worse than the last i've decided to stop beating up on myself and just start back where i'd left off during the 7 months
i miss the quality of life at all levels...
pm me if you'd like to sometime, lifelong musician here whose had a great run writing, recording, performing etc

thanks Godsdrummer
the loop that has drawn me back in repeatedly is the thought that 'a little would be nice and that's all i'll do' then the phenomenon of craving totally jumps rail till i collapse
made a genuine 7 months complete sobriety but let myself return to 'casual usage' it wasn't relapse, i chose to use again 1st of December, three times since each worse than the last i've decided to stop beating up on myself and just start back where i'd left off during the 7 months
i miss the quality of life at all levels...
pm me if you'd like to sometime, lifelong musician here whose had a great run writing, recording, performing etc

think about it.....who wants to do "just a little"???

that is THE biggest lie the addict voice tells............
along with "trust me......it will be FINE".

Lol, indeed... it's always right where i've left off the 'last' time and then some, actually you've struck upon the duality that seems to be how i perceive it
part of me doesn't want to and another can't wait

Welcome back, NOWisNOW. We are here for support always.

Some can do "just a little." Although it's playing with fire, and I believe that it depends on the drug. Obviously there are a number of drinkers who can drink without becoming alcoholics. I've known people that do the occasional line of cocaine. A few friends limit themselves to rave drugs a few times a year. Heroin "chippers" are rare, particularly in the long term, but they do exist.

I'd imagine that if you're here on this forum, you're not one of them. Once you use a drug addictively, you always will. There is no moderation of your DOC. And I'd worry about anything else.

addiction, even if we put it in "remission" by NOT using, still progresses....we never pick up where we left off (unless we were only sober a week or so). the unmanageability and symptoms get worse, never better. things that we never experienced before, those YETS, can and will happen.

Great to see you, NOWisNOW - I'm so glad you stayed.

i've found even just a random beer or two will almost ALWAYS set me off to use my 'choice' street drug(s) and do completely agree with 'the Doctor's opinion' of it being something akin to an allergic type reaction. As my addict tendencies tend to erase memories of the consequences but only dwell on my perceived enjoyment, which never work out as 'planned'...

8th day here clean and sober,
we're going to see Jason Isbell tonite *brilliant singer, songwriter, guitarist formerly of DRIVE BY TRUCKERS*
a great deal of his material now references his recovery and sobriety. Ironically tickets had been purchased before my recent gaggle of relapses(s)

super excited =^,^=

congrats on day 8 NOW :)

D

8 days is wonderful, NOW - I hope you have a great time seeing Jason.

10 full days since restart
a thought occurred, did not remotely act upon it...
literally had to dredge up memory of how awful last (few) time(s) was/were. i'm good now, almost three years ago while in rehab i was enlightened to the concept of a craving will pass if you'll wait it out.
i don't kid myself, it's not the last.
sober does feel better...
no doubt
=^,^=

14 days completely sober, eh bipolar was giving me fits last two usually an 'excuse' to 'self medicate' and then deal the consequences afterwards. Instead i went to work, kept the house in order, worked out, played guitar, read or watched documentaries on ROKU... occasional thoughts of using ? yup but it's harmless provided i do not act on it, i'm not immune to stupid ideas in all the other affairs of my life and choose to do the right thing most of the time or at least do nothing until the idea(s) pass
guess that's working on the worst idea of them all today

yeah i just made that same declaration about 30 seconds ago lol. Sometimes it feels a little difficult doing the right thing, but a little good too :)

...better days my friend, these aren't journeys but existences
be safe