Getting super discouraged
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 9
Getting super discouraged
Hey folks,
I'm 21 years old, ive been using drugs for about 5 years now.
Within the last 2 years , I started using meth, which really took its toll.
My family had enough of my ****, and I find it very difficult to connect and meet new people so I'm sort of toughing it out on my own. I did a 9 day stint in rehab after being kicked out, and went back to using 3 weeks after I got out.
I'm currently in college, I work part time and I try and stay busy all the time, but i keep end up using and it honestly feels so ******... within the last few months ive been using about once a week, i just cant seem to make it past more then a few weeks without going back to this garbage.
I think i huge part of my problem is i really don't know who i am as a person. Ive been so out of it for so long, sort of "coming" to is super scary, and i have no idea who i am anymore, so i end up using dope because it takes me out of everything and i don't have to worry about a thing. I know this isn't resourceful to me anymore, but why do i choose to live in my head, ruminate, anaylze and try and break down every little thing i do? as if to try and validate myself through my own inner dialogue its really draining...
Being the introvert i am , i thought i would give this a shot. Any, and every bit of advice/feedback would go along way.
cheers
I'm 21 years old, ive been using drugs for about 5 years now.
Within the last 2 years , I started using meth, which really took its toll.
My family had enough of my ****, and I find it very difficult to connect and meet new people so I'm sort of toughing it out on my own. I did a 9 day stint in rehab after being kicked out, and went back to using 3 weeks after I got out.
I'm currently in college, I work part time and I try and stay busy all the time, but i keep end up using and it honestly feels so ******... within the last few months ive been using about once a week, i just cant seem to make it past more then a few weeks without going back to this garbage.
I think i huge part of my problem is i really don't know who i am as a person. Ive been so out of it for so long, sort of "coming" to is super scary, and i have no idea who i am anymore, so i end up using dope because it takes me out of everything and i don't have to worry about a thing. I know this isn't resourceful to me anymore, but why do i choose to live in my head, ruminate, anaylze and try and break down every little thing i do? as if to try and validate myself through my own inner dialogue its really draining...
Being the introvert i am , i thought i would give this a shot. Any, and every bit of advice/feedback would go along way.
cheers
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 9
Hello there! I totally understand. Although meth is not my drug of choice. I have watched a good friend and neighbor struggling with it. She used to be very overweight and didnt do much..Now she looks like a skeleton and is always moving around the neighborhood..going through dumpsters..At first I was tempted myself to use with her because I saw her loosing weight and become so active. But it has turned on her and shes very addicted. Im glad you are not using daily! That does make it better.
The one thing I always end up coming back to in my different recovery journeys is we CANT do it by ourselves. Really we have to be able to sharewhere we are at with other supportive people. Its too lonely and dark to go through alone!
Glad you reached out here...this forum has been a lifesaver to me in the past. I am currently working on getting clean myself and sober recovery can be a great tool!
Glad your here..keep posting your struggle..good and bad..give yourself credit for reaching out!
Snowgal
The one thing I always end up coming back to in my different recovery journeys is we CANT do it by ourselves. Really we have to be able to sharewhere we are at with other supportive people. Its too lonely and dark to go through alone!
Glad you reached out here...this forum has been a lifesaver to me in the past. I am currently working on getting clean myself and sober recovery can be a great tool!
Glad your here..keep posting your struggle..good and bad..give yourself credit for reaching out!
Snowgal
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 9
The stuff is pure evil, it turns healthy productive people into monsters. But yet i keep going back? I think for me at least its the whole idea of totally escaping "reality" and just living in my own world. Just trying to make it through right now, it forsure feels awesome to know that i have support. Really appreciate it.
cheers
cheers
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Never used it thankfully because I would probably be dead by now given how far I take my addictions before I quit.
But your point about not knowing who you are resonated with me and I completely understand what you're saying. Well....at least in my own terms.
In fact, every year I have a new mantra. Back in 2015, it was getting in control. Follwed by get stuff done (bankruptcy, divorce, find a job), and this year it's finding myself.
I find mantras help me stay focused on my biggest issue at the time. I change all my passwords and create user names with it.
The journey of finding myself has been amazing actually and I highly recommend you stay focused on that. You are young and would benefit greatly from living you remaining decades not only off drugs, but having a firm grip of who you are.
Go for it. Personally, I think that's a necessity to stay off drugs. I was clean for about a year, but I was still lost. It was only a matter of time before I got hooked on something again.
I found that our true selves lies within our spirit. I think it IS our spirit. All I did was keep attempting to make contact with my deepest (or highest) level within me. Chipped away at the ego until my spirit finally had a peep hole.
NA helps with that too. They aren't religious at all, only slightly spiritual believing there's a higher power that helps us not to desire or use drugs. NA is helpful, but it took a huge first step for me to finally give up on my ego.
Dr Wayne Dyer is an awesome spiritual teacher and I credit him with opening my mind and heart to the idea there's loving spirit within me that wants to guide me on my journey.
He has hours of YouTube videos out there. Most recently I read 'A new earth" by Eckhart Tolle that was also very eye opening and helped me see my ego as the piece of crap that it is, and gave me tools necessary to do something about it.
Go find yourself and find peace. Keep looking into spirituality, Awakening, or how to find yourself. If you do, I promise quitting will be much easier.
But your point about not knowing who you are resonated with me and I completely understand what you're saying. Well....at least in my own terms.
In fact, every year I have a new mantra. Back in 2015, it was getting in control. Follwed by get stuff done (bankruptcy, divorce, find a job), and this year it's finding myself.
I find mantras help me stay focused on my biggest issue at the time. I change all my passwords and create user names with it.
The journey of finding myself has been amazing actually and I highly recommend you stay focused on that. You are young and would benefit greatly from living you remaining decades not only off drugs, but having a firm grip of who you are.
Go for it. Personally, I think that's a necessity to stay off drugs. I was clean for about a year, but I was still lost. It was only a matter of time before I got hooked on something again.
I found that our true selves lies within our spirit. I think it IS our spirit. All I did was keep attempting to make contact with my deepest (or highest) level within me. Chipped away at the ego until my spirit finally had a peep hole.
NA helps with that too. They aren't religious at all, only slightly spiritual believing there's a higher power that helps us not to desire or use drugs. NA is helpful, but it took a huge first step for me to finally give up on my ego.
Dr Wayne Dyer is an awesome spiritual teacher and I credit him with opening my mind and heart to the idea there's loving spirit within me that wants to guide me on my journey.
He has hours of YouTube videos out there. Most recently I read 'A new earth" by Eckhart Tolle that was also very eye opening and helped me see my ego as the piece of crap that it is, and gave me tools necessary to do something about it.
Go find yourself and find peace. Keep looking into spirituality, Awakening, or how to find yourself. If you do, I promise quitting will be much easier.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 79
Originally Posted by Incontrol15 
In fact, every year I have a new mantra. Back in 2015, it was getting in control. Follwed by get stuff done (bankruptcy, divorce, find a job), and this year it's finding myself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 9
Trouble connecting
I have, a few years ago when I was still living at my Parents house and I was forced to go... within3 months of them bending over backwards to try and help me, when they were sleeping I stole my stepmoms debit card , I had been trusted with their passcode for years , I went out and took 800$ just to go get some dope. They winded up not letting me back home after I straightened up And I’ve been struggling ever since, I just don’t know what to do anymore
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Yes....who are you? Who are we? Naturally we kinda sorta want to really know the answer to that. But there is another part that doesn't want to "deal with" who we really and truly are. If there isn't good internal validation or reflection on that, I think we are more prone to seek out means of escape rather that face it full on. To me it's sort of like a morbidly obese person who never really looks in the mirror to see the truth...doesn't like to look at pictures of their self to see the truth...doesn't want to "deal with" what it really takes to get the weight off and keep it off in a healthy way. Avoids trying to put on clothes that once fit but no longer do.So, it's almost AS IF there needs to be reckoning of sorts. Is there denial about the fact so many overeat to stuff down and escape OTHER feelings they don't like to have. Food is their pacifier, in a way. Look at the overspending shopiholics. I don't exactly know what they are thinking/feeling, but in the moment they might think, "Oh, I'll just feeling better after getting that new item". Then, there is buyer's remorse in which they realize they should NOT have spent money on THAT, but tend to other financials areas first.
Not a single one of us is likely to get through life without experiencing a measure of "regret" and then "remorse" and then trying to make things "right".
Not a single one of us is likely to get through life without experiencing a measure of "regret" and then "remorse" and then trying to make things "right".
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