Davey1

I have been sober from a hydrocodone addiction that last 2 years. It has been roughly 5 years since the conclusion of my addiction. Ever since I got clean, I still have a draw for more drugs. It is all I think about every single day. I know that I dont want to go back to the person I was, mostly struggling with depression and self harm back then. But getting more drugs is still constantly on my mind, and if I had another pill bottle, I would go back in a heart beat. Does anyone else have the same struggles? I have come so far spirituality and mentally, but this need never seemed to go away.

NClarke2017

I think this will be a lifelong test of will until you can completely forget the pull of drugs. Not to say that you should give up but that you have developed a test of willpower stronger than the average person. 5 years sobriety is truly incredible and inspiring. Find a hobby that distracts you or helps you deal with these feelings like journaling or arts & crafts.

Try to remember the crappy feeling of addiction. Right now I imagine you are remembering the "high" through rose-colored glasses. In reality, the drugs were just a band-aid to help your depression and thoughts of self-harm.

dwtbd

Have you ever looked into AVRT/RR? There are great threads here on SR in the Secular Connections forum about theses ideas.
It is about how to live "normally" , more comfortably and confidently with residual desire.
Great job on quitting, don't ever change your mind , Rootin for ya

Davey1

It still feels like yesterday when I was on drugs. I haven't gone to any meetings because I just feel like the more we talk about them, the closer I want to have more. I hated myself on them, didnt care about anyone or myself. I just got tired of not being able to feel anything for so long, that I started to burn my arm so at least I could feel a little more normal. All I have left are the scars, and that should be enough to not want to go back, but I still do. I have been starting to exercise and go back to church, but the rest of the day is the problem.

Davey1

Thank you very much, I will look into that.

NClarke2017

The self-harm worries me. I think you should seek a therapist. Please do not hurt yourself!

What kind of exercise have you been doing? Have you tried going on beautiful hikes and running - feeling exhausted is a feeling!

To look for hikes, I try to go to alltrails.com and look for hikes near me. Then I search for long hikes that have low elevation, because that's what I prefer!

I know this option isn't for everyone but have you thought about adopting a senior dog from the pound? It might help you to have a companion and the responsibility of taking care of something might help. Just a thought.. OBV there's lots of money and time involved taking care of a dog etc.

MindfulMan

In meetings you will hear from many people that have successfully remained sober from drugs for varying lengths of time, how they did it and what it was like. Yes, you will hear some drugalogues too, but it's a helpful community to help you GET sober, not one that should push you into a relapse if you work it right.

I thank my lucky stars that I detest opiates in any form. I would suggest going to NA if possible. From what I've learned from talking with a lot of heroin/pill addicts, the challenges faced are somewhat different from alcohol and other sedatives.

And yes, it can get easier if you put in the work.

Davey1

I havnt hurt myself since I have been clean. The only reason why I would burn myself was just to feel any type of feeling, to feel normal. Looking nack I know that was what I needed to do to survive, but much happier now. Just have the scars as a reminder not to go back. And just been hitting the weights trying to eat healthier. I lost alot of weight back then.

Davey1

Their is a reason why God still has you here. And I feel like if I went to those meetings, all that talk about pills and being high , I would want to go back to them. Just at a cross roads lately.

NClarke2017

If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.

laur24

Hi! Fellow opiate addict here (hydrocodone, roxicodone)! I go to AA meetings and they help immensely. I'd suggest going to at least 10 different meetings. I noticed that some meetings center more on the solution than others. I needed to know HOW to stop using and drinking. I already know about what it's like in active addiction. The meetings that center on solution showed me HOW.

Anyway, just a suggestion based on what's worked for me! The obsession with drugs and alcohol has gone away. I go to meetings, work the steps, have a sponsor, call other sober people, and stay active in my recovery