jt22

Hey everyone, I posted here a few years back. The last time I posted was probably a year or more ago. Not sure if any of you remember me. I'd like to hear about how you guys are all doing and hope things are well. If anyone feels like sharing their stories with me feel free!

I personally have had many ups and downs. I'm in a decent place right now, but I have things needing changed. Right now I go from kratom to store bought "kratom" which seems like something synthetic... I've had past problems with opiates, cocaine, alcohol, you name it. Opiates are definitely the DOC though. Kratom has helped me with surgeries and opiate withdrawal, but is now getting out of hand. I have become dulled and have trouble keeping up with things. There's about a 2 hour period after using that I am capable of doing things correctly and then I become irritable, apathetic, unfocused, anxious, etc. There seems to always be an excuse for me to keep using. My GF even enables it, she has no issue with the kratom, but also respects my wanting to be off it. She's the best thing to have happened to me(been with her 1.5 years) and we want to get engaged. I just don't want to make any big decisions until I'm clear headed. I am also much more productive, motivated, and all around well off when I'm off everything. I was clean from opiates 6 months and thought I could give kratom a taste, then bam got back into it all. I need to get back into control of things and get on with my life. I feel like I'm keeping myself in a loop. I know where I screwed up and I know what needs changed, I'm just having trouble getting those first days out of the way. The cravings are crazy. The physical symptoms aren't even that bad and the kratom doesn't even really give me a buzz. It's just that good-mood I've been chasing. I need help making tomorrow my first full day clean.

Thanks for reading

D122y

Jt,

All I know is booze addiction.

For me..wanting to quit was half the battle won.

Now it is education, accounting, and fear.

I never want to be physically addicted to drugs again.

I wake up these days and sometimes feel like hell.

It goes away fairly quickly. I literally have a natural hangover from sleeping too hard.

For me...getting this clean...not as clean as some...was all about suffering.

Silently suffering. Nobody really knew the hell I experienced.

That is what I offer.

Suffer know and be free later.

For me..there was no easy road.

Thanks.

Dee74

Welcome back Jt

I have no personal experience with Kratom but others will have for sure. I think the sooner you can get around without any kind of crutch the better.

D

jt22

Just wanted to post, after a slip up with some opiates and some set bacos since I made this thread I finally got the first day(for the first time in 7 months) out of the way. On day 2. It shouldn't be as bad as times I faced in the past, just a little restless and foggy, sitting around all day. Hardest part will be coming up with a plan to make this permenant.

teatreeoil007

Hi jt and gad you're back with us. We care. Half the battle is being honest with the problem and no longer in denial. What is your plan going forward? I don't know anything about kratom, so sorry I don't have any input where that is concerned. For me exercise and doing meaning things with purpose is so important as well as eating right and getting enough sleep. Submitting to the right things is also important. I need to plug into my higher power source, pray, meditate. I am glad you have a good girlfriend, but sorry she enables you. Don't know what to do about that. Regardless of what she does, though, this is something a person has to do for their self. Keep posting. We care.

jt22

Yup all those things you mentioned will be part of my routine going forward. Exercise and good diet were a big part of my life, I fell off a good bit though. The hardest part with kratom is it's like the opioid version of weed, in the way that it can be beneficial under some circumstances, easy to rationalize use, and harder to pick up on the negative side effects until you quit... I believe kratom has it's place, it helped me withdrawal from harder drugs and kept me off. It's also legal and generaly safe. It is just not a good fit for someone like me that is prone to mood swings and mental anxiety. Coffee isn't good for me either, I've had some terrible moments just from caffeine... So it's just about finding things I need to change and improve in myself. 2 days in now, I'm having that wave of emotion hit me you get from opiate withdrawal. Random tearing up and such. That's good though, that's the stuff that reminds me why I want to be sober and move forward. Makes me feel alive again.