Trying to understand meth addict..
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 75
Trying to understand meth addict..
Call codependent if need be, but I’m in need of some help.
I got into a relationship with my ex unknowing at the time that he was a coke addict.. he eventually progressed to meth as things got worse and eventually I found out and I broke it off with him and moved out. Things got so bad that he got arrested for the first time, then he eventually overdosed. One of his drug friends actually saved his life and got him to the hospital. Eventually another friend of his figured out what was going on and staged an intervention. He got him into an amazing rehabilitation center for 2 months. It seemed to change his life. Right after detox he started writing to me a journal or sorts. Realizing and remembering all of the things he did to me. Making amends, apologizing, saying how much he missed and loved me. It ended up being 30-40 pages long. He decided to go to sober living in another city after rehab. The minute he got a cellphone he called me and decided to help me through all the pain he caused me, by calling every night - talking through all the painful memories. And let me tell you, at times he took a beating. It wasn’t easy and I told him it wouldn’t be. I also expressed this may be too soon for him and his sobriety to take all of this on. But he said he accepted the challenge. Whatever it took to help me. He eventually found an amazing job after being there a couple of months. There was some training that needed to be done back home, which I knew would have been a bad idea. We discussed this in length and he said he already has meetings mapped out and that he was going to be fine.
Well, since he’s come back home, he’s started acting suspicious. Giving excuses, rarely communicating, not going to meetings, even having panic attacks when talking to me. He turns into a completely different person when using. So, I decided to break it off with him as I know what’s going on.
I can’t understand how someone who’s come so far, who got this amazing second chance at life could just decide to just mess it up so easily. He’s definitely already reached his rock bottom.. I guess he has no rock bottom.
I’ve decided to start counseling, but I still have so many questions. As much as he’s tried to help me understand addiction, I just don’t. All of this pain has come back and I just feel stupid for letting him do this to me again. Unknowingly while we were together, I had only gotten a small glimpse of him sober, and I wanted to see what he was like now that he was “finally done with drugs”. I just didn’t see this coming as I saw and felt a real change in him. But now I’m just left with so much hurt and worry.
I got into a relationship with my ex unknowing at the time that he was a coke addict.. he eventually progressed to meth as things got worse and eventually I found out and I broke it off with him and moved out. Things got so bad that he got arrested for the first time, then he eventually overdosed. One of his drug friends actually saved his life and got him to the hospital. Eventually another friend of his figured out what was going on and staged an intervention. He got him into an amazing rehabilitation center for 2 months. It seemed to change his life. Right after detox he started writing to me a journal or sorts. Realizing and remembering all of the things he did to me. Making amends, apologizing, saying how much he missed and loved me. It ended up being 30-40 pages long. He decided to go to sober living in another city after rehab. The minute he got a cellphone he called me and decided to help me through all the pain he caused me, by calling every night - talking through all the painful memories. And let me tell you, at times he took a beating. It wasn’t easy and I told him it wouldn’t be. I also expressed this may be too soon for him and his sobriety to take all of this on. But he said he accepted the challenge. Whatever it took to help me. He eventually found an amazing job after being there a couple of months. There was some training that needed to be done back home, which I knew would have been a bad idea. We discussed this in length and he said he already has meetings mapped out and that he was going to be fine.
Well, since he’s come back home, he’s started acting suspicious. Giving excuses, rarely communicating, not going to meetings, even having panic attacks when talking to me. He turns into a completely different person when using. So, I decided to break it off with him as I know what’s going on.
I can’t understand how someone who’s come so far, who got this amazing second chance at life could just decide to just mess it up so easily. He’s definitely already reached his rock bottom.. I guess he has no rock bottom.
I’ve decided to start counseling, but I still have so many questions. As much as he’s tried to help me understand addiction, I just don’t. All of this pain has come back and I just feel stupid for letting him do this to me again. Unknowingly while we were together, I had only gotten a small glimpse of him sober, and I wanted to see what he was like now that he was “finally done with drugs”. I just didn’t see this coming as I saw and felt a real change in him. But now I’m just left with so much hurt and worry.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 198
I've heard addiction described as "cunning, baffling and powerful". My son has been in and out of recovery from meth since 2008. This last go-round, he went to rehab, moved to a sober living out of state, had a job where they absolutely loved him and where he was on track to move up, was complying with terms of probation, was attending NA and AA daily, and seemed to be on a great path. After 7+ months of sobriety, he started using, quit his job, drove 850 miles to go back to his old drug hometown, and ended up homeless. I struggle to understand. I know this doesn't give you the answers you want - addiction truly is puzzling to those of us who are fortunate enough not to suffer from this condition.
Last edited by mayabee; 10-11-2017 at 06:39 PM. Reason: Corrected typo
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Originally Posted by Brooklynd77 
...I still have so many questions.
The energy you spend hurting over your addict is best spent helping you heal and move on.
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Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi brooklynd77
The farther I get away from active addition the more I see how illogical it is.
My priorities got screwed up to the point that nothing else mattered as much as being drunk or high.
thats a pretty lonely place for a loved one to be. I'm sorry.
D
The farther I get away from active addition the more I see how illogical it is.
My priorities got screwed up to the point that nothing else mattered as much as being drunk or high.
thats a pretty lonely place for a loved one to be. I'm sorry.
D
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 75
Originally Posted by mayabee
I've heard addiction described as "cunning, baffling and powerful". My son has been in and out of recovery from meth since 2008. This last go-round, he went to rehab, moved to a sober living out of state, had a job where they absolutely loved him and where he was on track to move up, was complying with terms of probation, was attending NA and AA daily, and seemed to be on a great path. After 7+ months of sobriety, he started using, quit his job, drove 850 miles to go back to his old drug hometown, and ended up homeless. I struggle to understand. I know this doesn't give you the answers you want - addiction truly is puzzling to those of us who are fortunate enough not to suffer from this condition.
I’m so sorry to hear about your son. I can’t even imagine the pain this has put you through. I hope you are healing as much as you can.. Do you continue to pray and have hope for the future?
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Join Date: Jan 2017
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Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi brooklynd77
The farther I get away from active addition the more I see how illogical it is.
My priorities got screwed up to the point that nothing else mattered as much as being drunk or high.
thats a pretty lonely place for a loved one to be. I'm sorry.
D
The farther I get away from active addition the more I see how illogical it is.
My priorities got screwed up to the point that nothing else mattered as much as being drunk or high.
thats a pretty lonely place for a loved one to be. I'm sorry.
D
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 75
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
You may never get the answers you want. Or need.
The energy you spend hurting over your addict is best spent helping you heal and move on.
The energy you spend hurting over your addict is best spent helping you heal and move on.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 198
Originally Posted by Brooklynd77
I’m so sorry to hear about your son. I can’t even imagine the pain this has put you through. I hope you are healing as much as you can.. Do you continue to pray and have hope for the future?
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 669
My son and dil are recovering meth addicts. They’ve been clean for 3 1/2 years. I couldn’t understand it either. Now I have a good friend who is an addict trying to stay clean. He’s been sliding down hill the last month. I too can’t comprehend how he could have 7 months clean, love his job and have a decent place to live only to start watching it all go back down the drain.
My suggestion is to move on. I’m about to with my friend. I really care a lot about him, but I just can’t deal with active addiction. Like you I worry about him. It’s not an easy place to be nor is it easy to move on. Your heart will heal over time.
My suggestion is to move on. I’m about to with my friend. I really care a lot about him, but I just can’t deal with active addiction. Like you I worry about him. It’s not an easy place to be nor is it easy to move on. Your heart will heal over time.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 72
I'm sorry to know what you are going through. I don't understand it either.
I had 1 failed relationship with an alcoholic, almost one that never developed with a pothead.
All my friends are addicts.
I decided this weekend to cut them out of my life (gracefully), kind of back out...forever. I've known my friends for 5 to 6 years. Its going to be really hard.
As a person who doesn't smoke or drink, I find myself being the only sober one around people who are completely smashed. I'm not sure how or why I tolerated it for so long. Thought I would set an example but no they got worse.
Its something they have to see on their own.
I'm deciding that this weekend will be my last time hanging out with them. I feel really sad I have to let them go but its for my/their own good. You have no idea how sad I am about it but this is not healthy at all.
Like the others said, I don't think you will ever get the answers you are looking for or a solution. You will never be able to fix a problem, set an example, etc. It is something they have to realize on their own.
Good luck to you.
I had 1 failed relationship with an alcoholic, almost one that never developed with a pothead.
All my friends are addicts.
I decided this weekend to cut them out of my life (gracefully), kind of back out...forever. I've known my friends for 5 to 6 years. Its going to be really hard.
As a person who doesn't smoke or drink, I find myself being the only sober one around people who are completely smashed. I'm not sure how or why I tolerated it for so long. Thought I would set an example but no they got worse.
Its something they have to see on their own.
I'm deciding that this weekend will be my last time hanging out with them. I feel really sad I have to let them go but its for my/their own good. You have no idea how sad I am about it but this is not healthy at all.
Like the others said, I don't think you will ever get the answers you are looking for or a solution. You will never be able to fix a problem, set an example, etc. It is something they have to realize on their own.
Good luck to you.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Bethlehem, PA
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As someone who is currently struggling to quit meth I can say that unless you've struggled to quit yourself you won't be able to understand.
The best way I can describe why people go back to using is that whenever you get an urge you will think about the good times on it, not the bad times... The good times on it are heaven like, you feel like you are on top of the world. Some use it for sex, some use it to make them more productive, some use it to be more social, etc... It makes it very hard to quit permanently cause you can always justify it somehow.
Meth addiction is something I wouldn't wish on anyone and it is very frustrating trying to quit. Alcohol has been easier for me to quit and that was my drug of choice. I only did meth here and there but I just relapsed after 24-days clean last Friday. I can only imagine how hard it is for people who would do it regularly and stay up for days straight on it.
Key is to get some sober time and keep fighting. Each time I've relapsed the next time I got sober it was a lot easier to get to say a month or two-months. So if your son/daughter relapses best thing I can say is tell them to keep fighting and never give up. If they go back to using regularly that's going to be a problem. Some addicts get so mad and ashamed at themselves they figure 'f**k it. I can't beat this no matter what I try. My life sucks so I might as well get high' but if they get right back to trying to get sober they should be OK. They've got to keep fighting and never give up hope.
Best of luck to everyone and try not to be too hard on your kids if they are addicts. Remember no one chooses or wants to be a drug addict it just happens.
The best way I can describe why people go back to using is that whenever you get an urge you will think about the good times on it, not the bad times... The good times on it are heaven like, you feel like you are on top of the world. Some use it for sex, some use it to make them more productive, some use it to be more social, etc... It makes it very hard to quit permanently cause you can always justify it somehow.
Meth addiction is something I wouldn't wish on anyone and it is very frustrating trying to quit. Alcohol has been easier for me to quit and that was my drug of choice. I only did meth here and there but I just relapsed after 24-days clean last Friday. I can only imagine how hard it is for people who would do it regularly and stay up for days straight on it.
Key is to get some sober time and keep fighting. Each time I've relapsed the next time I got sober it was a lot easier to get to say a month or two-months. So if your son/daughter relapses best thing I can say is tell them to keep fighting and never give up. If they go back to using regularly that's going to be a problem. Some addicts get so mad and ashamed at themselves they figure 'f**k it. I can't beat this no matter what I try. My life sucks so I might as well get high' but if they get right back to trying to get sober they should be OK. They've got to keep fighting and never give up hope.
Best of luck to everyone and try not to be too hard on your kids if they are addicts. Remember no one chooses or wants to be a drug addict it just happens.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
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No one can say for sure, but I suspect that his focus on you during the crucial time of his recovery, while helpful for you, was not helpful for him. Early recovery needs to be a selfish time if one is going to have a fighting chance for long-term success.
If there is a lesson to be learned from him, perhaps it is that focusing on someone else when we are trying to heal ourselves is just a distraction from the real work that needs to be done.
If there is a lesson to be learned from him, perhaps it is that focusing on someone else when we are trying to heal ourselves is just a distraction from the real work that needs to be done.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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This honestly hits home for me on so many levels. I was clean 3 + years and this past new years eve picked up my poor again. It was suppose to be a one time celebrate the new year type thing that has turned into (going on ) 3 weeks of using. I try so hard to quit, cry while I'm hiding and smoking, tell myself over and over this is the last bowl or I'm going to wake up loose my job, my kids, my life... considering I'm diabetic... and still I cannot stop yet.
It really does take a hold of you and doesn't ever let go.
It really does take a hold of you and doesn't ever let go.
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