Ended a relationship w alcoholic BF, for good this time..
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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Ended a relationship w alcoholic BF, for good this time..
**EDIT: Oops I just realized I posted this in the wrong board. Sorry folks. Cant figure out how to delete it!
I know I made the right decision. I know I did. I know I probably should have kept to my guns when I broke things off all the other times in the past two years. But that’s okay. I ‘m here now, and I have to get through it this time. To get over the hump of extreme pain and uncertainty. I felt like I was going insane.. The same pattern would repeat itself over and over and over. It was groundhogs day. And he didn't even see it. I felt so alone.
I think another hard thing is knowing he’s kind of just given up on us. He’s making no effort to mend things. And I can’t be sure that if he was I wouldn’t fall for it again. In fact I know I probably would because I love him so much. He’s really doing me a favor. But I know (well pretty sure) sure he’s on a drinking bender right now.... So that’s hard too. I really wish it had ended differently. It was pretty bad. We are not talking, he’s been incredibly disrespectful, and I’ve said some mean things... Now we’re both in our own worlds, alone. He’s probably burying his pain with alcohol and that really hurts to know. That he’s kind of back where he started before we met. Ugh it hurts that he hasn't reached out..
Reminding myself of the reasons why I left:
Anyway, thanks for reading. I'm just feeling really alone and sad.
I know I made the right decision. I know I did. I know I probably should have kept to my guns when I broke things off all the other times in the past two years. But that’s okay. I ‘m here now, and I have to get through it this time. To get over the hump of extreme pain and uncertainty. I felt like I was going insane.. The same pattern would repeat itself over and over and over. It was groundhogs day. And he didn't even see it. I felt so alone.
I think another hard thing is knowing he’s kind of just given up on us. He’s making no effort to mend things. And I can’t be sure that if he was I wouldn’t fall for it again. In fact I know I probably would because I love him so much. He’s really doing me a favor. But I know (well pretty sure) sure he’s on a drinking bender right now.... So that’s hard too. I really wish it had ended differently. It was pretty bad. We are not talking, he’s been incredibly disrespectful, and I’ve said some mean things... Now we’re both in our own worlds, alone. He’s probably burying his pain with alcohol and that really hurts to know. That he’s kind of back where he started before we met. Ugh it hurts that he hasn't reached out..
Reminding myself of the reasons why I left:
- The pain and uncertainty of wondering, will he be drunk when I get home today.
- His complete lack of motivation to do anything
- His passionlessness. Unless he’s drunk, then everything’s amazing!!
- I just absolutely do not like the person he becomes when he’s drinking
- My sensitivity to alcoholics due to my mom
- His inability to have any foresight or planning
- His lack of enthusiasm for anything (unless, of course, he’s drinking)
- The lack of trust
- The broken promises
- The smoking
- The feeling of having to manage his addictions because he didn't care less but I cared too much. Too much time. I’m not his mother.
Anyway, thanks for reading. I'm just feeling really alone and sad.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hugs.
Please think of yourself and put you first.
Flip the script a bit.
He's not "burying his pain with alcohol."
He just found a great excuse to drink.
And he gets to blame you.
Perfect for him, not so much for you.
Please think of yourself and put you first.
Flip the script a bit.
He's not "burying his pain with alcohol."
He just found a great excuse to drink.
And he gets to blame you.
Perfect for him, not so much for you.
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