Whyme1207

I been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years..and he is a crack addict...he always had a problem but kept it pretty under control and by that I mean screwing up one night and be clean for a month or up to 6 months clean...but since November of last year (2016) everything change ..he turned into someone I didn't know..he found easier ways of getting the drug because of his friendly personality and meeting new people or past friends found more ways to get it...he start selling coke and trying to be a dealer and a addict at the same time... (please note I don't condone to this at all..it has ripped me apart) once I found out what he was doing and confronted the peon who was giving it to him to sell..I though we would get back to normal ..but it didn't happen for the next 5 months he just didn't come home he left me and our daughter ..he missed christmas..Valentine's day..easter ..I look at our little girl and ask how could he do this to us ..how could he just walk away..why won't he just wake up and ask his self what is he doing. ..he found another dealer and figure out how to deal and do it which made him stay in the streets..he cheated on me with crackwhores...Even had the nerve to bring these people to where we live to say he was going to come home..which he didnt..or actually drop me off money which was only $20..I was a stay at home mom when all this accrued ...because if this we were in debt and about to have the lights turned off.. I mange to get a job while we was still didn't come and started to put one foot in front of the other...I was and still am In survival mode...he end up getting arrested 3 times and got bailed out by his drug dealer all 3 times ... he was then put in drug court which he got kicked out in july and went on the run because he never showed up for court...and got out back in jail...I believed he was going to change that all this was a wake up call...that the things he would says to me and wrote me letters..that he loves me and wanted his family back were true and we were going to be a family again ...I end up bailing him out in august and nothing has change not one week has gone by that he hasn't screwed up...he lost his job ..sold his tools and bosses tools from work...I can't believe this man I truly love with all my heart could hurt me so bad ..how he could get in his car and leave with tears down my face begging him not to go ..and can walk away in get in his.car.and leave...he is suppose to get sentence on oct 30th and could do up to two years ...I'm afraid he's going to run out of state ....I wish I never bailed him out..because at least I know he wouldn't be running the streets ...I wish he would wake up and realize what he is doing to his self and his family...I feel so used right now and keep asking my self does this man really do love me and it's just his addictiin..or is he using me so when he does get locked up he'll have someone there for his...I found him tonight because he hasn't been home in 2 days and I asked him is this what he wants to do is drugs and he said yes..I told him and begged him to come home and he got mad..I knew he was high..I think his cheating on me again..I feel like I'm going crazy here..I know I should just walk away from this ...but it hurts..I love him..and I want the man I knew back..the one that was home all the time...who I could lean on..who I couldn't wait to see..I miss him...I wish I could read his mind and know what his true intentions were...I'm trying to keep it together for the sake of our child ...who at the age of 6 knows what going on ..she sees and knows daddy isn't coming home and it hurts looking at her and knowing she deserve to be love by him...I thought he would never put her on the back burner ..being he and I were both raised by our dads...I want the man back I know and is there somewhere who cared...I think him going to jail and being sentence might be his wake up call..I hoping he'll see the damage he's done...I know I should move on and be happy for me..I just don't know which direction to go...I thought we would be together forever..I don't see myself with anyone else..we did everything together...

OpioPhobe

Whyme1207 - as far as loving someone goes...actions speak louder than words. Breakups are emotional maelstroms. They were always for me at least.

As far as which direction to go, what about just staying single. There is something to be said for not having to deal with all the drama that comes with relationships.

Seren

Hello Whyme1207, Welcome to SR!

It sounds as though your boyfriend is simply not finished with drugs yet. Although I know it is hard, try not to take his drug use personally. He isn't using at you, he is just using...sadly you and your child are collateral damage.

I hope that you will do all you can to secure the safety of your child and yourself. It does not sound as though he will be available to support you financially or emotionally for some time--if ever.

Sending prayers for your safety, peace, and clarity.