Buzz Kilowatt

PART 1

I'm not totally "out of the woods" yet on PAWS from hydro WD, and so I wanted to compare notes with anyone else that is where I am at; has been; or is hoping to be. Hopefully, we can help one another . . .

I've had a nearly 20 year love affair with opioids, born periods of sobriety (max. = 1 year). Like many users, I took them for valid chronic pain issues, but didn't stop once the pain subsided. I liked the effects and was afraid of the WDs.

My dosage was fairly constant and in the "low" rage; typically 10 mg. / day, although lifelong maximum (single incidence) was about 25 mg. But constant enough to become dependent. It didn't help that I had long bouts of different kids of pain, such as post-surgical; fasciitis; tendonitis; arthritis; etc. and I can't take any NSAIDS or Tramadol.

I had really awful arthritis pain for many months, where I could only sleep in a recliner. Nothing seemed to help, including meditation; acupuncture; salves; patches; etc. Even the opioids didn't do much, and I refused to up the dosage. The only thing that seemed to work was a TENS device that I wore for a month. But that's another story.

I'm 60+ and my sex life was off due to the meds. Apparently, opioids lower testosterone almost immediately in males, with predictable effects. I wasn't happy with that scenario, and I suspect neither was my wife. :-)

I also now have fairly constant fasciculations (slight muscle twitching) in my legs, which I've read can occur from chronic opioid use. It's slightly annoying but hopefully benign.

Anyway, after the TENS device helped my arthritis pain, I was planning to quit, until my younger sister took her life in December. I loved her dearly, and I also knew that the stress and sadness would make WDs even more miserable.

Finally, on May 31 (the anniversary of when my mother took meds to commit suicide, too) I decided to quit the HC. It's been about 3 months and I rarely feel "normal". I think I'm able to parse the grief from the WD, and feel that PAWS is the source of it.

I'm going to break this into segments to avoid being too long . . .

Thanks in advance for any thoughts / suggestions.

Buzz

hollowx

I wish you the best in your endeavors. May you find the strength to keep you on the right path.

sugarangel

Thank you for sharing your story. I can totally relate. I used hydros and benzos for almost 10 years, taking, at the peak of my addiction, 50 or 60 10/325 hydros and around 4 to 6 mgs Xanax a day, depending on how much hydro I did or didn't have. I was living in a haze all the time, if you can call that living. My sex drive disappeared as well. Apparently, this happens to women, too!! I tried to quit numerous times, only, like you, to go back at some point because I felt I couldn't deal with life sober. The hydros really do a number on your head. They made me feel like I was going to die without them. That I couldn't handle anything without them. I actually, at some point, started thinking the pills would actually protect me from the sad, bad, scary things in life. My head was done in completely.
When I decided to get really serious about quitting, I went through hell. I decided on a triple quit, because I wanted to get all wds out of the way at once instead of prolonging them. So, I quit the hydros, Xanax, and cigs at around the same time. I staggered the quit days a bit, but that was all. I am now at 46 days clean, and I have to say, things are getting better. But, like you, I don't really feel 'normal' very often. Some days, I feel good and can handle life and all the things I need to do, and feel proud of myself and my accomplishments. But, most days, I just feel blah and over being sober. And, some days, things are really hard and confusing and complicated, and I cry like a small, emotionally disturbed child over the dumbest, littlest things. But, overall, I am happier and more grounded than I have been in a very long time. It's also really nice to do things and talk to people and know I will remember what happened and what was said the next day.
And, my libido came back in a big way!!
Hang in there. I think you said you have 3 months?? That is not a lot of time, really, if you think about all the things we have done to our minds and bodies. But, it will get better. Every day now is an opportunity for us. I didn't have that before. I didn't have any faith or hope when I was using. But, I do now!!
Looking forward to reading part 2!!