Why?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 51
Originally Posted by CallMeJosh 
I've asked myself this hundreds of times.. when I've tried to get clean in the past..I've gone 23 maybe 25 days..then I relapse.
I won't get into all of my problems..or "excuses" as my friend ds call them.. but briefly, I moved home to take care of my mother who truly was dying at the moment.. but now her pulmonary hypertension is under control..somewhat.. I was sexually abused as a child and every now and then I have to I teract with my uncle/abuser as he and my mom have a business together.. I haven't told him about the abuse..I've got a stepfather I love, in prison.. my biological father truly is one of the worst human beings I have ever met..not as bad as my godmother (aunt) who admits to have murdering my grandparents... My sister is disabled and with special needs..so I take care of her as well.
I am "highly educated" with a master's degree..but where I live the degree is seen as too much for the fields I apply..so I started looking for better jobs in other fields. Anything really. I'm not picky..I'm not the "typical millennial" that doesn't work hard or is self centered.. I work hard.. I earned an MS from Boston University. Hardest thing I've ever done.
..until drugs came along..
I have teo herniated discs in my back. About 11 years ago I had a microdiscectomy. That's where the doctor snips the protruding disc to alleviate pressure on the sciatic nerve and for me, the spinal cord.. it was bad.. he proscribed Percocet. I got better.. a few years back a doctor gave me Vicodin for the pain.. surgery isn't really an option as it's too risky at the moment. I went and got a second..third..ultimately a 19th opinion. They all said the same.. lose 50 to 100 pounds.. then we'll talk. Did I mention the ridiculous amount of prednisolone I've been on? Yeah..I'm sincerely trying..
I'm finishing a taper off the Vicodinand going to start an ibuprofen regimine..
Why am I here? I'm an addict. I've used my legally prescribed pain medicine to find a few short week or two of being able to deal with life. I do have legitimate pain but clearly I'm not responsible to dole out my meds as prescribed.
Besides. It makes me depressed. I was on day 26 or so..the I uprofen thing was working..and I wasn't so depressed.. maybe because I knew I was getting more Vicodin soon.. look.. I just need some help. I've been on this forum enough to know I should be:
1) eatinghealthy
2) drinking plenty of water
3) probably attending NA meetings..
4) exercise to help brain bounce back
Here's the problem.. I really don't want my mom who is narrowly dying to know I'm an addict. I'll tell her.. maybe when I've had a month or two clean time..
Money is tight. I work an entry level job but pay her bills. Don't get me wrong: I WOULDNT WANT IT ANY OTHER WAY. The ability to support her is absolutely amazing.. my mom has becomey best friend because of all the stuff we've been through.
My biological father was abusive physically.. my uncle molested me.. my stepfather was a Marine and instilled with me discipline..he also stoppede from drinking about six or seven years ago. I didn't realize I was a binge alcoholic. He told me..I changed.
What do I need from all of you... Help. Support. Love. And above all else: guidance.
How do I deal without the drugs and handle life? Vicodin takes the edge off life..as does alcohol..I can deal with it.. deal with the crappy job I have (for which I'm thankful for)..
My real problem: everything is gray and boring. Life is horrible without drugs. I cannot seem to handle little things.. no way in hell I can handle horrible or bad things.. my last stint at sobriety (25 or 26 days) was more than I could handle.. I'm scared to handle life sober because I'm not good at it.. I'm in over my head.. I do not have other family to borrow money from to pay bills..(I don't buy drugs. I only use my legit prescribed..just way too quickly)..I used to go to a counselor..but even she admitted I was a bit much for her and she didn't have much guidance or help. (Maybe I should have gone to a different one).
So here I am.. thank you for reading.. thank you for your support.. and thank you for sharing what worked for you and what you think I should do.
I want to be clean. I want to be sober from drugs and alcohol.. I'm just absolutely petrified on how to deal with life sober. It's too overwhelming..and I truly do not have any one to turn to for help.
I'm sorry for rambling.. I nearly want to delete this. I don't ask for help. I simply take care of business and do it myself. But this.. I'm finding I cannot do it alone.
As I said.. I'll tell my family I'm an addict.. I need clean time first. We are a military family. You don't dare bring a problem to the table unless you've got multiple solutions or are working on a solution. If I have clean time.. 30 or 60 days.. then I feel telling her won't be as bad because I can then get her to tally behind my clean time and I can show her I'm doing a good job.
My biological father is an alcoholic.. I was on that road.. when my stepfather called me out on it.. I came back a few weeks later to report that I was sober. It went over and I had their support.
I really am a broken young man.. I have the weight of the world on me and I really have reached out to extended family for help. They refuse to because of my stepfather incarceration.. they really feel my mother and I are just pieces of sh#$. They've said so. Because she hasn't divorced him and moved on, she is for some reason punished and admonished.
Again..I'm rambling.. I want to give all the I formation so you can step in and know what I'm trying to say, so you can feel what I'm feeling.. I should probably stop trying so hard.
Kind regards,
Josh
I won't get into all of my problems..or "excuses" as my friend ds call them.. but briefly, I moved home to take care of my mother who truly was dying at the moment.. but now her pulmonary hypertension is under control..somewhat.. I was sexually abused as a child and every now and then I have to I teract with my uncle/abuser as he and my mom have a business together.. I haven't told him about the abuse..I've got a stepfather I love, in prison.. my biological father truly is one of the worst human beings I have ever met..not as bad as my godmother (aunt) who admits to have murdering my grandparents... My sister is disabled and with special needs..so I take care of her as well.
I am "highly educated" with a master's degree..but where I live the degree is seen as too much for the fields I apply..so I started looking for better jobs in other fields. Anything really. I'm not picky..I'm not the "typical millennial" that doesn't work hard or is self centered.. I work hard.. I earned an MS from Boston University. Hardest thing I've ever done.
..until drugs came along..
I have teo herniated discs in my back. About 11 years ago I had a microdiscectomy. That's where the doctor snips the protruding disc to alleviate pressure on the sciatic nerve and for me, the spinal cord.. it was bad.. he proscribed Percocet. I got better.. a few years back a doctor gave me Vicodin for the pain.. surgery isn't really an option as it's too risky at the moment. I went and got a second..third..ultimately a 19th opinion. They all said the same.. lose 50 to 100 pounds.. then we'll talk. Did I mention the ridiculous amount of prednisolone I've been on? Yeah..I'm sincerely trying..
I'm finishing a taper off the Vicodinand going to start an ibuprofen regimine..
Why am I here? I'm an addict. I've used my legally prescribed pain medicine to find a few short week or two of being able to deal with life. I do have legitimate pain but clearly I'm not responsible to dole out my meds as prescribed.
Besides. It makes me depressed. I was on day 26 or so..the I uprofen thing was working..and I wasn't so depressed.. maybe because I knew I was getting more Vicodin soon.. look.. I just need some help. I've been on this forum enough to know I should be:
1) eatinghealthy
2) drinking plenty of water
3) probably attending NA meetings..
4) exercise to help brain bounce back
Here's the problem.. I really don't want my mom who is narrowly dying to know I'm an addict. I'll tell her.. maybe when I've had a month or two clean time..
Money is tight. I work an entry level job but pay her bills. Don't get me wrong: I WOULDNT WANT IT ANY OTHER WAY. The ability to support her is absolutely amazing.. my mom has becomey best friend because of all the stuff we've been through.
My biological father was abusive physically.. my uncle molested me.. my stepfather was a Marine and instilled with me discipline..he also stoppede from drinking about six or seven years ago. I didn't realize I was a binge alcoholic. He told me..I changed.
What do I need from all of you... Help. Support. Love. And above all else: guidance.
How do I deal without the drugs and handle life? Vicodin takes the edge off life..as does alcohol..I can deal with it.. deal with the crappy job I have (for which I'm thankful for)..
My real problem: everything is gray and boring. Life is horrible without drugs. I cannot seem to handle little things.. no way in hell I can handle horrible or bad things.. my last stint at sobriety (25 or 26 days) was more than I could handle.. I'm scared to handle life sober because I'm not good at it.. I'm in over my head.. I do not have other family to borrow money from to pay bills..(I don't buy drugs. I only use my legit prescribed..just way too quickly)..I used to go to a counselor..but even she admitted I was a bit much for her and she didn't have much guidance or help. (Maybe I should have gone to a different one).
So here I am.. thank you for reading.. thank you for your support.. and thank you for sharing what worked for you and what you think I should do.
I want to be clean. I want to be sober from drugs and alcohol.. I'm just absolutely petrified on how to deal with life sober. It's too overwhelming..and I truly do not have any one to turn to for help.
I'm sorry for rambling.. I nearly want to delete this. I don't ask for help. I simply take care of business and do it myself. But this.. I'm finding I cannot do it alone.
As I said.. I'll tell my family I'm an addict.. I need clean time first. We are a military family. You don't dare bring a problem to the table unless you've got multiple solutions or are working on a solution. If I have clean time.. 30 or 60 days.. then I feel telling her won't be as bad because I can then get her to tally behind my clean time and I can show her I'm doing a good job.
My biological father is an alcoholic.. I was on that road.. when my stepfather called me out on it.. I came back a few weeks later to report that I was sober. It went over and I had their support.
I really am a broken young man.. I have the weight of the world on me and I really have reached out to extended family for help. They refuse to because of my stepfather incarceration.. they really feel my mother and I are just pieces of sh#$. They've said so. Because she hasn't divorced him and moved on, she is for some reason punished and admonished.
Again..I'm rambling.. I want to give all the I formation so you can step in and know what I'm trying to say, so you can feel what I'm feeling.. I should probably stop trying so hard.
Kind regards,
Josh
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 200
Day 1 officially. No more opiates. Yesterday was the last day of my taper.
I tapered from 100mg to 30...and just...jumped. So the W/Ds are starting. I don't care. I just want to be at a point where I'm not so moody, angry, hating the world, and dependent on my happiness on a substance that truly has no value. Yeah...I'm sure you sensed the bitterness too.
- J
I tapered from 100mg to 30...and just...jumped. So the W/Ds are starting. I don't care. I just want to be at a point where I'm not so moody, angry, hating the world, and dependent on my happiness on a substance that truly has no value. Yeah...I'm sure you sensed the bitterness too.
- J
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Hi Josh. I am glad you are here. I used benzos and Ambien as well as alcohol so I know it is a bit different than opiates but I really relate to a lot of what you are going through.
I used to try to deal with phone calls, and mountains of paperwork, housekeeping....anything that seemed the least bit tedious or emotionally charged.
And my biggest issue when I was newly clean and sober was feeling flat, flat, flat. I wasn't used to being even and I missed having a crutch. I remember my first night in rehab without my crappy pill tray...it was like losing a limb.
There are major neurochemical changes going on right now, I know you know that. It helped me to learn that motivation is actually part of our neurological makeup...not a moral failing or a personal weakness. I tampered with my brain for a long time. When we are using we continue to strengthen the part of our brain that seeks immediate gratifications and we weaken the more prudent part of our brain.
As dull as you feel when you are struggling with motivation, remember, you are like a duck who looks rather still above water but your body is furiously peddling to get back to homeostasis. I know there is more of a physical aspect to opiate withdrawal but as long as you are clean you are headed in the right direction.
There is a book called "The Power of Habit" that describes what happens in our brains and why we repeat patterns that hurt us. It helped me a lot to understand that it wasn't just me being a failure of weak but that the initial battle was literally me fighting against a part of my brain I had conditioned to perform in a different way.
There is a great saying in sobriety "don't do something, just sit there". It is the hardest thing in the world not to reach for something when we are uncomfortable. But remember, the discomfort represents good change happening, lean into it. Just like lifting weights at the gym...uncomfortable, and nothing is evident right away until a few weeks later when all of a sudden you notice a bit of definition.
Hang in there, I am so happy you are here!
I used to try to deal with phone calls, and mountains of paperwork, housekeeping....anything that seemed the least bit tedious or emotionally charged.
And my biggest issue when I was newly clean and sober was feeling flat, flat, flat. I wasn't used to being even and I missed having a crutch. I remember my first night in rehab without my crappy pill tray...it was like losing a limb.
There are major neurochemical changes going on right now, I know you know that. It helped me to learn that motivation is actually part of our neurological makeup...not a moral failing or a personal weakness. I tampered with my brain for a long time. When we are using we continue to strengthen the part of our brain that seeks immediate gratifications and we weaken the more prudent part of our brain.
As dull as you feel when you are struggling with motivation, remember, you are like a duck who looks rather still above water but your body is furiously peddling to get back to homeostasis. I know there is more of a physical aspect to opiate withdrawal but as long as you are clean you are headed in the right direction.
There is a book called "The Power of Habit" that describes what happens in our brains and why we repeat patterns that hurt us. It helped me a lot to understand that it wasn't just me being a failure of weak but that the initial battle was literally me fighting against a part of my brain I had conditioned to perform in a different way.
There is a great saying in sobriety "don't do something, just sit there". It is the hardest thing in the world not to reach for something when we are uncomfortable. But remember, the discomfort represents good change happening, lean into it. Just like lifting weights at the gym...uncomfortable, and nothing is evident right away until a few weeks later when all of a sudden you notice a bit of definition.
Hang in there, I am so happy you are here!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Originally Posted by CallMeJosh
I find myself stuck in this cycle. I put off until I can use...and when I use, I never accomplish whatever it was I was going to do...AND THEN THE CYCLE STARTS OVER.
I'm out. So I wait until I have some to use again...then I just can't do anything because I'm going through withdrawals or using doesn't fit my schedule...so nothing gets done. WHY DO I DO THIS?!
Miraculously I'm coming to this realization. I haven't before. I'm finally at a point where as I mentioned: I'm done with this cycle...circle...rat race...
I tried getting clean last February.. If only I had stayed clean I'd have a year and a half clean time...I bet I'd be at a point that I want to be at now - if I had just stayed clean then. Make sense?
I don't really remember a time when I was sober and happy...So my biggest problem I think is trusting that I will be happy when I'm sober (eventually).
Thanks for reading..catch ya later.
I'm out. So I wait until I have some to use again...then I just can't do anything because I'm going through withdrawals or using doesn't fit my schedule...so nothing gets done. WHY DO I DO THIS?!
Miraculously I'm coming to this realization. I haven't before. I'm finally at a point where as I mentioned: I'm done with this cycle...circle...rat race...
I tried getting clean last February.. If only I had stayed clean I'd have a year and a half clean time...I bet I'd be at a point that I want to be at now - if I had just stayed clean then. Make sense?
I don't really remember a time when I was sober and happy...So my biggest problem I think is trusting that I will be happy when I'm sober (eventually).
Thanks for reading..catch ya later.
I read through your thread, and this post in particular, stuck out to me. I can so relate to everything you say and feel. If I were to go back through my posts, I bet I could find a couple that say pretty much what you just said. There is a strange comfort in knowing someone else truly understands and feels the same things you do. I am following your thread, and I am so cheering for you. And I know you can do this and get through it.
I was on the same cycle as you for years, so I understand how stuck you can get in that. My brain tells me all the time that I can't do this or that without a pill. Tea was 100% right when she said it's like learning to live all over again. That's how it feels for me, too. Before I got rid of my scrip, I would use what the doc gave me for about 10 days, then taper a few days with the last of what I had, then go to the street until I ran out of money and couldn't ask for anymore fronts. I would go through about 10 days or so of wds, then get my scrip and the whole cycle would start all over again. Except the cycles kept getting shorter. leaner with the pills, and the wd phase got longer and much more intense. The first thing for me to be able to get sober was getting rid of the scrip. No matter what I said to myself about keeping my pills under control this time it never worked. Instead, everything just kept getting worse and harder until I really wanted to die. I had fantasies about killing myself because I just couldn't see how I was ever going to be able to break free and live clean and be happy. I felt like that ship had sailed. It was a really black, dark time in my life. Like you, I could kick myself every time I think that if I had just stuck with things back in March, I would be like 6 mo. sober now and probably feeling worlds better. Instead I am 2 and a half weeks in again.
If I could say any one thing that might lend itself to your original question, it would be that you are on the right path with trying to adapt your thinking to the situation. Changing the way I think about things has had a tremendous affect on my wds. I gave in and accepted that this was they way it was going to be for a while and there was no point in beating myself up trying to fix it. Someone here said to lean into it, and that's exactly right. That's what I did and it helped tremendously. I also stopped fighting the insomnia, which for me has been a terrible, long and still ongoing battle. Now I just get up and read or watch tv. sometimes I write or come here. But doing that is better than laying in bed whining and irritated over something I can't fix except with time.
Things do and will get better. There is, unfortunately, not a lot you can do to make it better. Time will do that. I can promise you, though, that the intensity of what you are going through eases up slowly. I honestly thought that there was something wrong with me and that I couldn't get sober like everyone else here cuz it was just so painful. I thought my life was pretty much done. Now, most mornings I wake up and I don't have that crushing anxiety and panic like I used to. I don't think about pills all day every day like I used to. I don't feel as hopeless, helpless, or lost like I used to. But, it's a slow process, and for me, I didn't even realize I was getting better until one day I woke up and realized I was going to be okay. Just like that. It's not a big fireworks moment. It happens so slowly you think it's not happening at all. But, it is. Things are getting better right now for you. Things are healing. And soon, you'll see that for yourself. As long as you don't use and pick that scab, you know??
Well, this was hella long!! I hope I said something, anything that helped. I know exactly what it's like to be where you are, scouring SR, looking for anything that will assure you that things will get better, that things will be okay. They can. and they will. If I can find my happy, goldilocks, sweet spot, then so can you.
I'm here for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 200
Hey everyone! Things are slow going, but I'm allowing myself to feel feelings and not her upset by them, I'm having more patience with myself than I thought possible..
Thank you for all the continued love and support.. I'm so lucky to have you all..
Thank you for all the continued love and support.. I'm so lucky to have you all..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 200
From an emotional standpoint it's been one messed up weekend. My biological father decided it was time to buy my sister a car. Yes, her car is old and needs to be replaced..but this is the guy that physically abused me 20+ years ago...this is also the same sack of sh#% that promises the world and never delivers.
He showed up. He got my sister a car. I was dumbfounded.
We celebrated my birthday...and he gave me a rifle. It is about 45 years old...and I'm sure it's stolen. It was also broken until I fixed it. That's my dad.
He cut on me, cut me down, made rude comments, but showered my sister with gifts and compliments. I didn't care. I didn't use. I just wanted him to be the father she so rightly deserved. I've been taking care of her since she was four, or five. She's 29 now. She also fell under his spell.
"Life is great...life is perfect, I'll even call him dad now!"
Excuse me while I go throw up.
Ok, I'm back. So, SOS, that's Sack of... as I've been calling him took pictures of the weekend. I may find myself in one of them. He's that petty. No, he is. I'm at work, surrounded by ritalin abusers and stoners. It's cool. I'm committed to my sobriety and it's not changing.
Why am I telling you all this? Why the hell not. I know how many threads I read that I didn't comment on or wasn't even a forum member...I was looking for hope and advice.
Well here's your hope and your advice... You can hope for advice but there isn't any, and I advise you to keep a glimmer of hope ahead of you while you embark on sobriety. It's difficult...but it's only as difficult as your mindset. If you're going into this knowing you won't go through this again - it's nearly a religious experience. If you're just trying to get clean until you get your next batch or until your script is filled...then you're not getting clean, you're coping. I did that for way too long. One day you will wake up and just decide you're done with the rat race.
Why?
Because. Eventually you realize you're not a rat.
He showed up. He got my sister a car. I was dumbfounded.
We celebrated my birthday...and he gave me a rifle. It is about 45 years old...and I'm sure it's stolen. It was also broken until I fixed it. That's my dad.
He cut on me, cut me down, made rude comments, but showered my sister with gifts and compliments. I didn't care. I didn't use. I just wanted him to be the father she so rightly deserved. I've been taking care of her since she was four, or five. She's 29 now. She also fell under his spell.
"Life is great...life is perfect, I'll even call him dad now!"
Excuse me while I go throw up.
Ok, I'm back. So, SOS, that's Sack of... as I've been calling him took pictures of the weekend. I may find myself in one of them. He's that petty. No, he is. I'm at work, surrounded by ritalin abusers and stoners. It's cool. I'm committed to my sobriety and it's not changing.
Why am I telling you all this? Why the hell not. I know how many threads I read that I didn't comment on or wasn't even a forum member...I was looking for hope and advice.
Well here's your hope and your advice... You can hope for advice but there isn't any, and I advise you to keep a glimmer of hope ahead of you while you embark on sobriety. It's difficult...but it's only as difficult as your mindset. If you're going into this knowing you won't go through this again - it's nearly a religious experience. If you're just trying to get clean until you get your next batch or until your script is filled...then you're not getting clean, you're coping. I did that for way too long. One day you will wake up and just decide you're done with the rat race.
Why?
Because. Eventually you realize you're not a rat.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 79
Originally Posted by CallMeJosh
Thanks everyone..very positive stuff here.
I know once I fully detox, the first two weeks are mentally miserable. Then it gets a bit better, but there is such a lack of emotion and care. I just don't care. I cannot literally care enough to even brush my teeth. Little problems become these anxiety riddled obstacles.. in order o do one thing I need to set up three..It's all just frustrating and I cannot seem to live with myself...and the entire time I'm thinking that I cannot do it sober.
I have a bit of a struggle ahead of me, I know.
What worked for you guys when you were apathetic/didn't care?
Thanks again
I know once I fully detox, the first two weeks are mentally miserable. Then it gets a bit better, but there is such a lack of emotion and care. I just don't care. I cannot literally care enough to even brush my teeth. Little problems become these anxiety riddled obstacles.. in order o do one thing I need to set up three..It's all just frustrating and I cannot seem to live with myself...and the entire time I'm thinking that I cannot do it sober.
I have a bit of a struggle ahead of me, I know.
What worked for you guys when you were apathetic/didn't care?
Thanks again
Oh man, this was me 100%. I considered the day a victory if i even attempted to shower.
I was using up to 90mg oxycodone a day and drinking when I couldn't afford the oxy.
I quit in December of last year. What worked for me was getting into an outpatient treatment program. When I started going, I wasn't even sure I wanted to give up oxy, but my higher power somehow got me out of bed every morning to go to this treatment program. 2 weeks in I realized this was something I really wanted. I started going to AA meetings.
I got a sponsor, and I made friends.
I cut off all contact with my dealer and stayed away from bars.
I forced myself to get on a normal sleep schedule.
And I made sure not to isolate. Every day I got out of bed and got outside and even if I didn't have anywhere to go, I'd walk to the local coffee shop and made sure I talked to at least one person that day, even if it was just the barista.
As for anxiety, I really made my overall health my priority. I went to a psychiatrist, I saw a psychologist twice weekly, and then of course the outpatient treatment. I also practiced mindfulness to get rid of the racing thoughts and over thinking everything.
Most of all though, I started relying on my higher power. The anxiety really went away when I realized I could give everything up to my higher power.
Having a higher power really changed my life. I am somehow a morning person now. I wake up every morning in a great mood and ready to start the day.
I promise you things get better. So much better.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by CallMeJosh
Ok, I'm back. So, SOS, that's Sack of... as I've been calling him took pictures of the weekend. I may find myself in one of them. He's that petty. No, he is. I'm at work, surrounded by ritalin abusers and stoners. It's cool. I'm committed to my sobriety and it's not changing.
Why am I telling you all this? Why the hell not. I know how many threads I read that I didn't comment on or wasn't even a forum member...I was looking for hope and advice.
Well here's your hope and your advice... You can hope for advice but there isn't any, and I advise you to keep a glimmer of hope ahead of you while you embark on sobriety. It's difficult...but it's only as difficult as your mindset. If you're going into this knowing you won't go through this again - it's nearly a religious experience. If you're just trying to get clean until you get your next batch or until your script is filled...then you're not getting clean, you're coping. I did that for way too long. One day you will wake up and just decide you're done with the rat race.
Why?
Because. Eventually you realize you're not a rat.
im also dam glad to read ya takin care of your sister for all them years- THAT is outstanding.
as far as
"You can hope for advice but there isn't any"
i assume ya mean from your dad. it reads like that aint gonna happen and that really sucks.
HOWEVER
youre on a forum with a crapton of ESH to offer advise and suggestions.
one i would have is learn about boundaries and how to put them in place with your dad. you surely dont deserve to be treated like that.
i didnt have the net when i got clean/sober so didnt have access to a place like this.
what i did have was AA. i found a group of people that had been in my shoes- not necessarily in the amount of alcohol i drank or the drugs i took or in the experiences ive had.
but in the thinking- the underlying issues drugs and alcohol were just a symptom of.
i found a LOT of great advise and suggestions.
and a great program to help guide me to be free from all the crap that was in my head and in my heart.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
rat race
Yes, "done with the rat race"...that is what many of us came to. And, we want PEACE. I know I do. But, I also know that at times peace comes with a price. It doesn't just fall into my lap. There are things I can do and things I should NOT do...in order to have peace. I also need to let go of regret...as I cannot go back and change what I did in the past. We all have forward motion; whether we like it or not. Time won't stop for any of us. What I do or do not do impacts what happens going forward. Keep on, Josh. It's worth it.
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