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My gf has relapsed into Xanax and Suboxin addiction, should I leave her now?



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My gf has relapsed into Xanax and Suboxin addiction, should I leave her now?

Old 05-18-2017, 04:25 AM
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Unhappy My gf has relapsed into Xanax and Suboxin addiction, should I leave her now?

It has been one wild ride with this girl. I met her as she was separating with her husband. We had an instant likeness for each other and at the time I was well working as a successful investment banker in the Middle East. We partied a lot and I personally used to party a lot as well over the weekend,just alcohol though.

As I got to know her I realized that she was addicted to Xanax and suboxin. I have done a bit of Molly and stuff back in my hay days in school and the occasional trip outside so I didn't think much of it, never being addicted to it. Long story short, I myself started using xanaxs, lost my job, spent a stint in jail (2 months) .. don't ask, stuff is different here in the Middle East.

She was caught with me and also spent a 2 month stint inside after which she was sober for exactly 3 weeks. These three weeks were amazing! For both of us. She was this kind caring person who had her head on her shoulders ready to move ahead with me. The next 4 weeks were straight out of hell, she relapsed again and finally circumstances were such that we were apart for a night and she got into a car accident under the influence. This time she got sentenced a year. Jail in the Middle East is actually like a rehab, freedom to move etc and for 11 months I supported her financially and emotionally whilst she was in there. Once again these 11 months although we only spoke on the phone we were closer than we ever were during our entire relationship. She was this totally different person when she was sober. From her history I know that she has been on and off xanaxs for the last 10 years.

She got deported from here and went back home (the states) to her sister who also is a long time abuser of both these pills. Within 3 weeks of being there she relapsed again, she denies using it but I know for a fact that she has. I'm a computer science major let's just leave it at that. I'm still here in he Middle East. Just starting out with a new job and now I'm facing this huge dilemma.

She has started becoming mean and selfish again. Inside jail she was stone cold sober. They even cut you off cigarettes. She started doing yoga and that really helped her recovery. Now she is using again and we are fighting and basically she once again does not appreciate me like she used to when she was sober and inside.

It's been 2 years we've been together, counting the one year she spent inside jail. I gave her my everything when she recovered and got out we were set to get married. now she's back to square one and in denial or believes she a functioning addict because she's working and using and getting her **** done. Her tendency like all addicts I believe is to act without consequence. Sorry for keeping this post so long. I'm just really distraught. So to cut it short, she's abusing both of these medications, fighting with me all the time and most probably does not want to get married anymore. I'm too emotionally invested in this girl to let it all go, so what should I do? Should I leave her? At this time when she needs someone but doesn't even know it? Her sister is the reason she got back into it, another head case and long time abuser.

Thank you for your help.
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Old 05-18-2017, 05:12 AM
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This is a tough one, and really no one but you can answer this question. I will say, however, that from what you shared it seems that she has only ever quit when she was forced to. Obviously can't do drugs in jail. I think it will be very difficult to trust her with her being far away and in the company of her sister.

You can't force anyone to get help, and she has to want it for herself. If she does it for you, success is unlikely as she will probably resent you. Rehab isn't an easy thing to go through. If she's lying... Well I wouldn't want to be invested any more than necessary. particularly with you being apart. Good luck
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Old 05-18-2017, 05:21 AM
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Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I'm in such a dark place because of this. Your absolutely right she only quit when she was forced to. She is close to her sister, the sister is younger and looks upto my gf. The sister is also thinks of herself as a functioning addict and my gf has taken that to be normal. Sister has a 9 month old baby, I can't believe my gf 33 years old believes that her younger sister, by 6 years, just fell back into that trap so easily. She made me so many promises when she was sober...
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Old 05-18-2017, 05:36 AM
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Hi, Deviant. Welcome to SR. Sorry for what has brought you here, but glad you found us.
You are the only one who can decide when enough is enough. It sounds like your SO has no plans to change her ways.
My feeling is, that with addicts, "functioning" is a stage in the addiction cycle. We are all functioning until we aren't.
Unless and until your SO decides that she has had enough and wants to embrace sobriety, there isnt much you can do, save take care of yourself.
Good luck.
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Old 05-18-2017, 05:52 AM
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That's exactly what I was going to add - I've known many functioning addicts and alcoholics and frankly they're never functioning at their highest and probably don't even care. The functional alcoholics I've known basically just think they're getting away with it, which makes them clever in their minds.

Your girlfriend should be the one setting a better example here. The sad thing is, I'm sure she meant to keep all those promises she made... But addiction is very powerful. It has ways of twisting our logic to believe our own lies, or make us believe they aren't lies in the first place.

I'm sure she's lovely nwhen she's sober, but she has to want it with as much passion as she likes her pills.
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Old 05-18-2017, 06:13 AM
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i have been in denial over her and thinking she will up and leave it because of her prior experience with these pills. You are absolutely right about the lies part. She twists the truth about things and lies. I think her lying and hiding her relapse is what has really created this recent toxicity in her, perhaps it's guilt. I don't know. I'm going to have to make the right choice here I guess, and it's a hard one.
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